"chuck norris" jokes.......

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negative 1

ok ok ok i gotta see some norris rags, these jokes get me rolling my ass off. sorry if i'm a bit late to the party on these but the roundhouse is a riot!

how bout...chuck norris IS what willis was talking about!

or when chuck norris jumps in the water he don't get wet, the water gets' chuck norrised.

one more....... when chuck norris gives blood, he doesn't use a needle, he simply demands a bucket and a pistol.....

sorry for all those who find these corny or have heard em' before but i can't get enough!!

one more..... chuck norris don't mow the lawn, he just dares the grass to grow!
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

I can't believe I just posted that.:bong-hits:

negative 1

chuck norris created the cesarian section by roundhouse kicking his way out of his mothers womb

chuck norris traveled back in time to stop the jfk asassination, when oswald shot chuck stopped the bullets with his beard, JFKs' head exploded out of sheer amazement


Premium Member
Looking for a new name for a summersault? How about Chuck roll?

Side note...anyone ever notice how he HAD to do a Chuck roll at the most unlikely times? Oh shit...mailman just delivered. Cue the Chuck roll out of the bushes to snatch that mail up with class and style. Ok well that's all i had to post... "does a Chuck roll on the way to clicking submit reply..."


great 3d!
gotta love chuck norris jokes..
bring it on peepz!
S'up there gUys,

I was raised on Chucky movies, I'll probably name my first born Chuck Norris.

I heard that Chuck Norris is so tuff that under his beard he has no chin-Just another Fist!



negative 1

chuck norris was walking down the street and deciced he wanted a beer, he stops in an empty parking lot sits down,and a half hour later a bar is built. after finishing his beer he roundhouse kicks the bar to the ground saying "always leave things the way you found em'"
chuck norris has an immune system so strong that his red and white blood cells have black rings around them signifying their black belt status and that they will roundhouse kick the shit out of any disease.

chuck norris is darth vaders father.

behind chucks' beard is not a chin it's another fist.

when chuck norris does push ups he don't push up, he pushes the world down......

sorry i know these are dumb but i can't help myself!
negative 1
Chuck Norris was strolling down the beach in the sea of Mohave when suddenly a wave touched his feet...
1972, Chuck was presented with a tea bush by the ambassador from Ceylon for his contribution teaching martial arts to the needy. "Sheer lanky bush", he grinned amiably trying to sound english. Afterwards, they had a cup, but he didn't like it.

negative 1

if you have five dollars and chuck norris has five dollars, chuck has more than you!
'Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark,but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.'

'Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King,and got one.'

'Chuck Norris doesn't read books.He stares at them for so long,until they tell him,what he want to know.'

'Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date.Always.'

negative 1

ok ok ok, this isn't chuck related but funny i think nonethe less, it is a little foul so bear with me and if too inappropriate let me know i will delete

a amish girl runs to her father and says "daddy,there is a church dance tonight. i want to go to it so bad daddy can i can i can i ? i only have to stay out an hour late is all."
the father says to his daughter, if you get on your knees and suck this i will allow it.
the daughter does and immediatley spits in disgust exclaiming that it tastes like shyt.
the father looks to his daughter and says, "yes dear your brother wanted to stay out late too"
Yo Neg1,

Tha's so Nasty,Funny but so nasty!

So why are the Swiss nuetral...because they don't know what side Chuck Norris is on!




There are no endangered animals, only those animals Chuck allows to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

That's all I have, anyone else still watch "Walker Texas ranger"?

I don't watch everyday, only like once a week.
(lies all lies)

negative 1

whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in chuck norris' kindergarten class.


Chuck Norris was once trapped in a wet paper bag for 3 days OHHH!!

I like the con jokes of chucks more then the pros