I appreciate the love. I don’t cut anymore and haven’t in well over 25 years. But my daughter does and has for a few years. I only learned of it February 2020 when she was suicidal and briefly hospitalized her second year of college. I seldom drink (for a lot of excellent reasons) and I only use narcotics during post-op periods. Right now, I’m struggling with the physical but also trying to have grace with myself for needing any narcotic pain meds a week post op. I wish I felt like this was easy to push aside and be grateful I’m not dead. But I don’t. The physical and mental combined with financial constraints has had me reaching out specifically to my medical team to step it up. My gumption to push others to do their best to at least listen and interpret the clinical data before them is just about gone. Shit, tomorrow I’m going to try and get enough motivation to shower. Thankfully I’ve only lost my balance once and caught myself from falling before putting down a freshly fused midfoot on the ground. Chronic pain has kept me from engaging in life passionately as I once did. I can’t work. I never physically feel good. My peer group aren’t retired or disabled, services are hard to come by, and I’ve always been a fiercely independent person. Asking for help is hard. Being vulnerable is hard. But if I don’t keep trying to meet some of these needs by asking for help, I’ve lost the battle. For now, this is enough. I’m also trying to have grace with myself about being needy. I'd like to learn more about sports psychology and mental conditioning. It's amazing since it helps to increase productivity and get excellent results
https://us.calmerry.com/try-online-therapy/ I've just started studying psychology in order to better understand my workers. In this scenario, I realized that motivation is crucial. I read about other employers' experiences in this area, and they were exactly like mine. So I'm approaching my workers in a new way.
Well, that's where ours usually are, I love those too...
cuz Mama loves it.
She has to sit at the small table with the kids.
And coming from one OCD to Another...I hear ya Maaaan! 
