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Daily humor thread!

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Daily humor thread!

E.C.U.G 68 Replies 6,323 Views
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E.C.U.G

E.C.U.G

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So i figured maybe some of you folks here at the farm no some good jokes,have some funny pictures that others may get a kick out of.anyone can post here.if your down and you need a good laugh maybe we can share a couple here. ill start this off.

So a guy walks into a bar sits there for a bit and the bar tender walks over.the man orders a drink and makes some small talk with the bar tender and says you seem like a betting man how would you like to make 20 bucks? bartender thinks for a min and says well whats the bet.guy says well ill bet you 20 bucks i can bite my rt eye. bartender pauses for a couple seconds and says ok your on.so the dude pops his fake eye out and bites it.bar tender in good spirts even tho not really wanting to part with his 20 bucks pays up. so the guy finishes his drink and leaves.

Couple days go by and in walks the same guy. bartender says hey i remember you ya cost me 20 bucks.guy says well im gonna give you a chance to win your money back and then some. bartender a lil hesitent says well whats the bet? guy says ill bet you 200 bucks i can bite my left eye.bartender thinks to himself there is no way this dude has two glass eyes.so he says ok your on.so the dude pops out his false teeth and bites his left eye lol. now the bartender a lil furious says ok buddy you get out of here and dont come back ive had enuff.

So about a week goes by and in walks the same dude. bartender in a rage shouts hey you get outa here or ill throw you out.guy says now hold on there an min before you resort to violence.im gonna give you a chance to quadrupple your money on a sure bet.so the bartender calming down some says well whats the bet.so the guy says ill bet you 800 bucks that if you slide a shot glass from one end of the bar to the other i can piss in that glass and not get a single drop on the bar.so the bartender thinks to himself theres no way in hell so he anounces its on.so with the dude standing up on the bar at one end and the tender at the other he slides the glass as fast as he can and this dude doesnt get a single drop in the glass.

so now the bartender is excited about the win,and suprizingly so is the guy! hes happily counting the 800 bucks out 20 40 60 smiling the whole time.so the bartender says man you really are a good sport ive never seen anyone lose 800 bucks and laugh about it.guy looks at the bartender and says hell lose 800 i just bet 3000 with the guy across the street i could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it lol.

~KMK~
 
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs floating down a river? BOB!

~KMK~
 
Toliet


ImagesCAW0AKQA
 
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs floating down a river? BOB!

~KMK~

What do you call a guy at the door with no arms and no legs?

Matt.

.. a girl with 1 leg shorter than the other

Ileane

... dog with no legs?

Why would you call him, he cant come.



FML.. I did have a dog with no legs once. Changed his name to Cigarette.

Every night after dinner we would take him out for a drag.
 
All the jokes I know are extremely racist and would get me banned like whoa but I got one.

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
 
What do you call a guy at the door with no arms and no legs?

Matt.

.. a girl with 1 leg shorter than the other

Ileane

... dog with no legs?

Why would you call him, he cant come.



FML.. I did have a dog with no legs once. Changed his name to Cigarette.

Every night after dinner we would take him out for a drag.

LMAO @ out for a drag lol
 
the ultimate yo mama joke:



yo mama soo ugly shes scared the shit out the toilet!
 
Yo momma so sick that Newt Gingrich left her for another woman!

Yo momma so poor she pays the same tax rate as Mitt Romney!
 
what did the mother say to micheal jackson at the beach...

get out'a my son!
 
lmfao!! what'd the banana say to the vibrator? what are you shakin' for? she's gonna EAT me!!:banana1sv6:
 
I'm now realizing that 99% of all the jokes I know off hand that don't require a ton of setup are super-duper racist.
 
Snow balls?

Dammit. Yup.

It's seems that 90% of the threads started in the smokers lounge are sad and depressing. good to finally see an uplifting thread.

How are fat chicks and mopeds alike?

Edit: I edited then put it back on cause... I guess i'm just stoned.
 
I hope this one doesn't offend anyone if so i apologize in advance.

Whats the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?


A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out of it.
 
Jeff. That's fucking brutal or as I will as of now start calling them, "a thread closer". And I'm so sorry, but that is funny as shit.
 
Dammit. Yup.

It's seems that 90% of the threads started in the smokers lounge are sad and depressing. good to finally see an uplifting thread.

How are fat chicks and mopeds alike?


There both fun to ride but you wouldnt want your friends to see you on either one lmao

~KMK~
 
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