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The History and Careers of The Bluzboy

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The History and Careers of The Bluzboy

Bluzboy 7 Replies 799 Views
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Bluzboy

Bluzboy

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#1
The History And Careers Of The Bluzboy

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    bluzboy 8:34AM
    PM
    Being that there are a lot of new people who have joined the Farmer while I was off grid I thought I would share with those who know me the least my background and career history so if you ever actually meet me in person you feel like you know me like Homebrew420 or Out West, etc...
    Picture#1. I grew up in rural western Montana 45 miles southwest of Missoula. This is a picture of my first horse that I got at 8 years old who was severely depressed all the time. I eventually bought a Harley dirt bike and sold the horse to a girl who wanted to be a psychiatrist when she grew up.
    Picture#2. This is a picture of me in my twenties about a year after I got out of the military and I had started a Barbershop Quartet that specialized in singing Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, and Howlin Wolf Blues cover songs in raspy out of tune/off tune 4 part harmonies. We were good but we could not get any gigs so I had to find a new job.
    Picture#3. My next job as a College Sorority House Year Book Photographer. The picture kind of explains why I got fired too.
    Picture#4. I then became a wedding photographer and the picture kind of explains why I got fired from that job as well.
    Pictures#5/6. I then became a professional poultry soccer coach. The second pic has the famous poultry soccer player Pele El Pollo in it. I trained and coached him for 2 years.
    Picture#7. I quit the Poultry soccer coach job to be a manager for a professional wrestling parrot tag team who specialized in cage matches.
    Picture#8/9. I got bored with the wrestling so I decided to take a job designing womens shoes but the pics explain why I got fired from that job as well.
    Picture#10. I then decided to design, engineer, and make home computers in my garage like those two HP guys. But I never could get any "Start Up Capital" to get my design into production and get a small factory started.
    Picture#11. This is why I gave up drinking at a very young age, in my twenties I think this pic was taken.
    Picture#12. The giant cheddar cheese ball I made in my spare time looking for work in Wisconsin one summer that the local high school gymnastics instructor/coach and girl's gym teacher bought to train girls on the balance beam with.
    Picture#13. This was my most successful highest paid job I had in terms of earnings and a 1040 statement for one year.
    Picture#14. I worked in a nuclear power plant like Homer Simpson and this pic explains why I got fired from that job too.
    Picture#15. This pic is of the approximately 300 feet of railroad track I built in China before I got fired.
    Picture#16. This pic explains why I got fired as a dog walker. Hey, I didn't give him anything, the fucking hound found my bag, ate it, and got me fired.
    Pictur#17. This is my current job and I am doing real good at it.
    So, I hope you all feel like, "wow I really know him, I know that Bluzboy dude well now. I have accomplished my mission then, especially if I made some of you laugh your ass off as well to start your Monday of spliffing. Get out those joints with that Java my grow brothers and sisters, its Hippie Speed Ball Monday!!!!!
    I'm giving out free career counseling today if anyone is interested and you can see I have a lot of experience in several different career paths.
    The Mad Crazy, But Safely Certifiably Insane For Others To Be Around, The Bluzboy
 

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#2
LMAO! Oh my God.

I'mma teach my birds how to play soccer. Right now their skill set includes laying of eggs, and frightening small children. Maybe you can help!
 
#3
Seamaiden said:
LMAO! Oh my God.

I'mma teach my birds how to play soccer. Right now their skill set includes laying of eggs, and frightening small children. Maybe you can help!
Click to expand...
Yes I can Seamaiden. I coached Pele El Pollo, the greatest professional poultry soccer player of the last 100 years as you know . I can also train them for poultry UFC or poultry WWE wrestling as I trained a couple of pro fighter parrots for 2 years tooooooo, yes, whatever sport your chickens might have an interest in, I can train and be their manager both for you. Do any of your chickens have ice skating skills because they is a big demand for poultry hockey players for several large city teams in the ProfessionalPoultry Hockey Association. You should see how good some of them chickens can smack a hockey puck just holding a hockey stick in their bill while they skate furiously like Bobby Orr. I also have experience at coaching Poultry Competitive Ball Room Dancing. Samba, Tango, Cha Cha, Waltzing, and Texas Swing and Texas Line Dancing. I was also hoping to find a couple of chickens that were good swimmers to train for Olympic Poultry Diving Competitions.
Got any egg on my face yet?
Crazy Mad Bluzboy
 
#5
The birds have not yet encountered sufficient ice (i.e. ANY) to learn those important skating skills for hockey. I guess I'll have to take them to the high country and teach 'em.

But, ya know who may have some very talented chickens, who are ready to go..? Chickenman!

But! They *do* run, a lot. Whaddaya think about a Fowl Track Team?
 
#6
Oh that's a great idea. My experience designing women's shoes I could design some Fowl Runner Nikes to sell to them. I like the idea of a Iron Chicken Race too where they have to ride a bike 50 miles,, then run a 10 mile marathon, and then finish with a 5 mile swim. Have not been able to find any chicken or capon volunteers for that training however. I also think chickens playing golf would make golf much more interesting to watch on TV as a sport also. And I heard that in Fowl Baseball if a fowl batter hits a fowl ball its considered a good hit and the bird batter can run to first base and not get fried for it.
Bluz
 
#7
My husband just did the Tough Mudder challenge. I say we make a Tough Bird challenge! 10mi ain't a marathon (not even a half!), but it's a good bit to make a chickenbird run, eh? Mine won't swim--AT ALL. They will chase the golf ball around for us.

Battered bird sounds kinda good, if not a little greasy. I think you should be hangin' with my dad, you two would slay it.
 
#8
How about a contest to see who has the chicken with the fowlest language. Some Navy or Merchant Marine Sailor Chicken would win that one fast though. I bet your Dad and I would punster up a storm of puns and laughs!
Ol' Bluzboy
 
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