12 years ago today......

  • Thread starter chickenman
  • Start date
  • Tagged users None
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
10,698
438
12 years ago today I put the plug in the jug..Still taking it one day at a time...
Heres my story for those who dont allready know...

I am a recovering alcoholic,12 yrs sober. My drinking was killing me.

No matter what i did AA meetings 2 30 day treatments in Hosp., just could not quit drinking. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. During the holiday season I sobered up for a few weeks. Someone left a gift wrapped 6 pack of beer on my porch, that was all it took, off the wagon I went.

I drank over 20 to 30 beers that night and became so sick I puked up lots of blood, happened before, but this time I really scared me. I told my future wife, she said enough's enough's your choice it was her or the suds. Once again I promised never again, went to AA, cried, prayed, white knuckled it out.

A few weeks later we took a drive our west kinda looking for properties. we turned off highway, up this mesa and the 1st for sale sign we saw, looked good. I went to door and the old man said get an agent. His wife invited me inside nothing special. I went out back and walked the property and was soon overwhelmed by the most beautiful place ive ever seen. I broke out in tears and had goosebumps, i knew this was where I belong and asked God to help me. I knew i would not be worthy of this if i continued to drink.

We did get the agent future wife loved it as well. I called my father for advise and a loan for earnest money to sign contract. He didn't go for it, cant blame him I was a mess and he knew it. Wife of the future believed in me it became her dream as well. She put her paid for house on market and within 24 hrs had a contract. We put earnest money on credit card and signed contract to move.

I called my dad and told him, he said if its in my heart we have his blessings good luck. I also asked him to be my best man at our wedding 6 months later. We moved all ready for the big day however my father had a stroke 1 week before and was in bad shape. I went to visit him he came around we talked hugged, I left him and he died 1 day before the big day.

We proceeded with our plans at Hudson Gardens in Denver, I was a sober mess. During the ceremony the lady doing the vows asked for my fathers presents to show itself and at that moment a butterfly landed on my chest right on my heart. After more tears, hugs handshakes a thunderstorm roared thru briefly. His blessing.

I still get goosebumps and tears of joy here almost daily. Mj has helped as the safer alternative and Ive replaced one drug for another but there no misery, doubt, fear, hopelessness, life so so good and iam so thankful for my loving wife, my garden chickens, goats, health, my blessings are endless.

So don't be afraid to follow and listen to your heart and do what you think is right no matter how impossible it may seem miracles do happen it happened to me it can happen to you Thanks all for letting me share this. it s does my just as much good as i hope it does you
 
Dirty White Boy

Dirty White Boy

884
93
003

Much respect brother.....Many people think im just full of shit....but Im not Im still just hiding behind a bottle......9 am and Im already slammin some 125 proof rye whiskey.....I cant stop drinking or Ill shake sweat and cant work.......fuck....how serious all this shit really is.....I dont wanna drink myself too death.....its all just turned too a joke at this point.....Im a fucking joke......

I often dream of the day Ill settle down....Dirty white boy is as much a monicker I gave myself as it is a handle.My my name is Greg, or Otto whatever......nice too meet you all.....

Very inspiring post.....
 
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
10,698
438
1 step for me was learning to love myself. Nobody will love or respect you unless you love yourself. Healing begins..
2nd step was being totaly honest with self and in everything I do and say..
3rd step was realizing that my drinking controls all aspects of my life and I was in grave danger.
4rd step... Admission of being powerless and surrendering to the fact proven over and over again the misery, shame, guilt, sickness, loss of jobs, money wasted, DUIs, accident, head on collision while blacked out, that allmost killed another innocent person, embarassment I caused self and others, the feeling of desperation, throwing up in the passengers lap in first class on an airplane, is all this worth it or necessary?????
My advice... Get some help.I will pm you my phone and we can talk. Find an AA meeting, go for it you certanly dont have anything to lose. they are many others in same boat as you, it can be done. At least call me or the local AA branch, someone will come and get you to a meeting, the help is there its up to you to seek out and obtain some sanity, senerity will come, dont that sound better than suffering???
 
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
10,698
438
Also for the whips and jingles b vitamin will help. Alcohol is poision, A toxic substance, one must detox, rid the system of it.
Been right where you at this morning many times. Its tough those 1st few days without, but it does go away, got to go thru hell, dont fucking take that 1st swig no matter what, puke, shake, sweat, sleep, get it over with.
Maybe even hold off on the pot for awhile if you can, when things clear up you will enjoy it more.
Then get your ass to at least 1 AA meeting a day. If you dont want to share, just sit and listen. I been to ao many meetings learned, seen and heard a lot.
Bottom line for me when tempted, stil would love a beer at times, is to ask whoever is up there to remove this feeling and it vanishes and hardly ever resurfaces. Fuckin A thas really amazing and If I can do it you can too, fuckin A man your still young, dont go thru what I went thru...Good Luck.. CM
 
ttystikk

ttystikk

6,892
313
Respect, Chickenman. Your screen name hardly does you justice, because your tale is full of courage.

You found something you wanted more than booze, and were able to recognize it for what it was. It helped that your then future wife made the choice easier, that's incredibly supportive.

I've fought depression most of my life. I've had my ups and downs, and MMJ has helped. What's helped more are the warmth of friends, here on the Farm and elsewhere. I found a goal I wanted to strive for, instead of giving the darkness in my head more attention. Then, when I found how fulfilling reaching my goals was, I did it again. And again... It's worked a whole lot better than Prozac, and I don't have to keep taking pills!

So there ya go; anti-depressant therapy by growing weed! I hereby prescribe this treatment to everyone who wants to try it! Just move to Colorado first, lol.
 
sky high

sky high

4,796
313
Whatever it is we may become addicted to....we simply have to be sick enough of it all deep within ourselves to make a change >for the change to happen<.

Not gonna preach at ya bro. I've faced the demon twice and I know how hard it is to take the first step to help yourself. I can't make you take that first step...I can only assure you that there ARE brighter days ahead for you if you do take it.
 
Mogrow

Mogrow

1,695
263
View attachment 278751
Much respect brother.....Many people think im just full of shit....but Im not Im still just hiding behind a bottle......9 am and Im already slammin some 125 proof rye whiskey.....I cant stop drinking or Ill shake sweat and cant work.......fuck....how serious all this shit really is.....I dont wanna drink myself too death.....its all just turned too a joke at this point.....Im a fucking joke......

I often dream of the day Ill settle down....Dirty white boy is as much a monicker I gave myself as it is a handle.My my name is Greg, or Otto whatever......nice too meet you all.....

Very inspiring post.....
dude, there is another way to live, it's available to anyone that wants it....
peace mogrow
 
dirk d

dirk d

1,538
263
great story chickenman! I fought with smoking cigs for about 20 years on and off. just couldn't kick the SOB. finally broke it last year. just got sick and tired of all the BS that goes with it.

Switched to smoking joints lol to replace my cigs lol worked like a fing charm! don't miss it all all! body and lungs feel so much better its not even close.

And to DWB one hour at a time bro. good luck i'm sending some Good Karma for your journey.
 
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
10,698
438
Thanks all for the kind words and support. Had a great day. Chores done early..Real nice pork rib, shrimp macaroni, salad dinner, with home made coffee ice cream for desert,
Gunna hit the mancave, vape some blonde hishash as my dad called it, relax in hotub,in slippers and bathrobe by 6pm....
 
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
10,698
438
great story chickenman! I fought with smoking cigs for about 20 years on and off. just couldn't kick the SOB. finally broke it last year. just got sick and tired of all the BS that goes with it.

Switched to smoking joints lol to replace my cigs lol worked like a fing charm! don't miss it all all! body and lungs feel so much better its not even close.

And to DWB one hour at a time bro. good luck i'm sending some Good Karma for your journey.
Fuckin cigs are MORE addictive than the booze. At least with the Booze i was so sick it was do or die. I quit the booze for many years but could not stop puffin them dam cigs.
I suffered a ruptured apprndix and complications that allmost killed me,was in hospital 10 days in incredable pain. Last thingI wanted was a cig. When I got home, very weak, had no desire for another puffer ever and would not smoke one for 1000 bunks....
Never will forget my 1st meal after not eating for 12 days and no cigs. Avacado, nice goat cheeses, raw cashews, and raw juices of all sorts healed me better than the prescribed medications the sentme home with and never took. And the taste was like never before..
Way to go on the smoking...
 
F

fuzzy

540
43
Congrats Chickenman!its been almost 8yrs for me.If it wasnt for the fine herb we grow,theres No telling where id be now.Hell, ive been to the pen twice because of alcohol,Peace,fuzzy
 
soserthc1

soserthc1

7,040
313
very cool thread , most of us have battled the same demon's and again my story is basically the same was sick and tired of being sick and tired (latest successful battle was opiates) been clean for going on five years , only other thing i have to input is " you have to wanna do it for you " not to save a relationship or any other reason , YOU need to say enough is enough , I'm a little disappointed that DWB has not chimed back in but I do hope he has called Chickenman just the fact that you put it up here means your screaming for help and I hope you succeed in beating your alcohol demon. I don't personally do the steps thing , I just said at 40 that enough was enough and once you actually wake up in the morning without the BODY NEED, for a drink, pill, snort , whatever your thing might be - you will begin to know that , that is a place you never want to go back to...... good luck to all and there demons ...... great thread....... peace soser
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom