@ghettogrower Thanks fer tha sympathy man. Insane is not tha word. Absolutely Crazy to tha point of physical shut down. Then to wake in a panic cuz yer disoriented and not sure where you are, where tha threat is, if theres one, what is still a dream or reality. Hoping that your not hurting someone. Its scary shit. Sleep is a fight. Tha anticipation of wat it will be like waking back up is a murderous worry. Many times over, tha initiator for tha insomnia. I wish i had an answer that worked every time. PTSD is no joke. Have ya ever woke up ready to snap tha neck of a hostle tryin to slit your throat, only to open yer real eyes an its tha love of yer life. Someone you couldnt think of even hurting. How do you think they feel snuggling up to ther man dozing lovingly, only to be thrown across tha room in an instant and pounced on, to be finished off with an invisible knife pulled from an invisible sheath on an invisible belt. I hurts so bad not to be able to lye next to tha one you love for fear of waking up. PTSD causes PTSD. So i just stay awake as long as possible. Smoke as much as i can and sitting up in my recliner, if i can git there, fer a couple winks is enough for me. Yeah after three or four days, three hours sleep feels like a lifetime of rest. You get used to it. Ive tried subliminal methods, lights, frequencies, alcohol, prescribed pills, none of them maintain any type of regularity. Pills are dangerous cuz some can keep you asleep while you are fully functioning to the rest of the world. Ive had many scares and many embarassments. Waking up on yer porch, sun coming up, nice cup of coffee, fire ass doobie half smoked. Look down and yer neckedd and alone except fer tha neighbors in tha apartments across from ya. Sad part is who made tha coffee and rolled tha doob? Matter of fact. Where'd tha weed come from? I was out. Wish i was making this up. Anywho. Yep out in tha sticks up on tha ridge is where i think i need ta stay. My way of keepin y'all safe. Besides i wouldnt be able to catch them damn gophers and cutworms attackin my garden if i slept at night. Lol
Bless yer grow fellers! Allright! Where tha hell did my pink lighter go? Soserthc1!?