It's hard when you
must be on drugs that just make everything worse. If I want to drive, I need to take a large number of seizure meds, which make you fat, or listless, or stupid.
Even if I don't want to drive, I have to be on the seizure meds for my own safety. The seizures I have are dangerous to my body, & brain. So, even if I didn't want to take them, I have to take them for the sake of my loved ones. It's possible that my next seizure will kill me. Not likely, but very possible. Even more possible, I will live, but suffer permanent brain damage, which would be an even larger problem in my opinion. I already feel terrible that people have to deal with me the way I am. I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, PTSD, Gran Mal Seizures, depression, anxiety. My glands are shot. I don't talk about it a lot, nor do I plan to, but life for me is not enjoyable anymore. This all happened to me one day. I was a healthy 26 year old. Exercise junkie. I would go to the gym during lunch to lift weights, I'd get home & run as many as 13 miles several times a week. I had what one of my Dr.'s called a small nervous breakdown (it was certainly more than a really bad anxiety attack, of which, by that time, I'd experienced hundreds) I lost control of my body. I could actually feel my mental/emotional self separating from my physical self. The unravelling was a physical sensation I could feel. I started crying uncontrollably. I crouched down in the corner because it felt like the safest place. When my grandparents could see something was very wrong, they tried to get me out of the corner, & I couldn't get my body to move.
That is a very weird sensation, & one that you never forget. I was doing everything you would normally do to move, however, my body would not respond. Watch, turn your head to the left, see how easy it is? Now imagine wanting to turn your head to the left, trying your hardest...but it won't turn. When I say I felt a physical sensation of my mental/emotional self separating from my physical self, this was the end affect. I could no longer reason with my emotions (I was sobbing uncontrollably, literally) I no longer had control of my body. I don't remember how I got out of it, I just remember my grandmother putting me to bed, rubbing my forehead, telling me it was going to be ok.
The next day, I woke up racked with pain. I felt like I got hit by a train. I was walking around the house like I just had surgery (if you have had surgery you will know what I mean). I was utterly exhausted as well...
& it never went away. It has been that way ever since. Almost exactly 10 years now. About 6 years ago I started having Gran Mal Seizures.
Oddly enough, they have something now called the MTHFR test. They have found that people with specific illnesses will typically have the same gene mutations shown in the MTHFR (short for Mother/Father as the gene mutations are inherited from one or both parties)
My specific mutations are linked to: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Addictions, IBS, Depression, Anxiety
&... Epilepsy.
This test is fairly new, & I've been diagnosed & confirmed several times over for years now. I find it more than coincidental that I have every single one of those problems,
& the gene mutations they are linked to.
The MTHFR test is not bunk science. It's legitimate, & any doctor who knows anything about it will agree. This is not like the Autism/vaccines "science" where SOME doctors believe there is a link but most don't. This is DNA testing for specific gene mutations. Specifically the c677 & a1298 (if i recall correctly). Depending on the mutation combinations, you can be predisposed to a totally different set of illnesses.
As of yet, they haven't figured out a way to "fix" the problems, but, it's moving fast. If you care to learn more there is a ton of sites...this one has links to actual papers.
mthfr.net
