Any Bipolar folks?

[true grit]

Howdy fellow med users.....

So I've recently been going through some emotional issues and have come to terms with the fact that I'm not just upset/angry/depressed, that these issues have been a string of lifelong consistencies.

Luckily, being an only child/single parent home for much of childhood, I forced myself to keep things in (not good) but learned to deal with issues and be much more than functional in life. I've realized that my manic tendencies have helped me accomplish a great deal in life, but at the same time have ruined almost every relationship I have ever had and of course very very irrationally. But I won't dwell necessarily on my personal ups and downs. Recently as my life has been changing, these things have become more evident to myself, close friends and some family. And as most with some sort of mental issue, I've always refused help as I "feel" I can work through these issues myself. Some family I have discussed this with have suggested seeing a psychiatrist in efforts to get proper medications..... I simply do not believe in prescription meds... period. I am NOT suicidal in the least, but fit every other criteria and do not need a psychiatrist to confirm this or try and reaffirm this and throw meds at me.

I have always found mmj to be very helpful and is the original reason why I began smoking. My irrational, aggressive tendencies faded and I was a much more upbeat productive member of society. A decade later I still smoke mmj (legally now), but due to life, my issues have gotten worse and I have found that not all meds work the way I need them too.

Some are too much uppers for a manic, I go nuts with energy, my mind races even more than it already does but I get nothing accomplished.

Some are too lethargic, and I sit around and pass out.

I also find, many are simply low tolerance strains that do little to nothing for me at all.

I'm most def manic, but have start dealing with depression the last couple of years.... any similar farmers with these issues?

Which meds work for you and still leave you productive and upbeat?

I mean sometimes I'm even too down to medicate...which sucks....cuz then it just sprials down.

Any thoughts on helpful meds?

I love how OG does me, but would love to have a garden full of variety that I know can help my symptoms- which means I can help others here in the CO too. Which would make me feel even better.

And don't let this post completely mislead you, I do have many normal periods where I can enjoy ALL smokes!
Thanks ahead of time farmers...

 

[easypleasie]

Hey Grit, i'm right there with ya bro. For a long time I thought I was just "messed up" in the head. Along the way I figured out I was just hyperactive and overly emotional. Been this way all my life. On top of that, I have obsessive tendencies and go all out in whatever I pursue. That can be destructive! It can take over your life if you're not careful. But at the same time, i'm able to achieve levels above the norm when I apply myself. We have to work with what we have and believe in our abilities and trust ourselves.

"When I'm trusting and being myself... everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously." -- Shakti Gawain

The "ADD" cliche that I always joked about was actually true for me. After I started researching my behavior, I realized there's a ton of people out there just like me. We're different but that's what makes us special! We're able to do things that others can't, yet we often struggle with the day to day shit. Organization has been my friend, along with good mmj :) MMJ relaxes me, keeps me from thinking too much. Over thinking has been the culprit for a lot of my worries.

Bro, we're just different and we'll often be misunderstood. So is life... I'm not manic, just something different but it all comes down to much of the same. The more you learn about yourself, the more you'll know what you're about. I know, easier said than done but knowing this about myself has made the biggest impact on my life!

Ok, don't wanna sound like i'm preaching, just wanted to share my thoughts. I'm also on a quest to find proper mmj for my needs. I've sampled strains that have put me in a great state of mind. Clear thinking, active and motivated is what i'm looking for, along with something for pain relief as I have chronic lower back pain. Two different needs so finding the right meds will take a little bit of time. I need something that I don't build up a tolerance for right away. That's part of the reason I need variety. If I smoke the same thing for too long, it stops working for me.

Looks like we're on the same quest my friend. May the journey begin! Keep your chin up, bro!

 

[altitudefarmer]

What's up? i hope you're in good health and spirits as you read this- My ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and the pile of pills she was taking was insane when we met. I got her to try mmj and for the most part, it worked out well. I've been a legal caregiver in CO for a few years now, and I have always grown a good variety of strains. Sativa-dominated strains seemed to cause her anxiety and paranoia, however, and Lots of Indicas put her to sleep. I was given a clone of Legend's Ultimate Indica and it quickly became her (read: OUR) favorite strain because it did not freak her out or knock her out. I still grow plenty LUI, and it's a very enjoyable smoke. It has a nutty flavor (like hazelnut coffee) and packs a pretty good buzz. It doesn't make me tired, but on a few occasions I medicated too heavily and did pass out with the remote control in my hand. I have never felt sluggish or tired, just really, really euphoric. And suddenly I was waking up in the morning... lol! If you can get your hands on some properly grown LUI, I think you'll enjoy it. And by the way, the last time I talked to Annie, she was happily off the pills. And still loving her LUI.

 

[true grit]

EP- Thank you brother for chiming in and sharing homie!!!! It took some time and balls to post something like this in a group I consider friends (for both of us), but as you said, coming to terms with these things and truly working on them are the only way to some resolution.

I feel ya on the being different... I always just assumed that being different was a lifelong reality for me and I'm completely fine with that. I prefer to roll against the grain. But...it was somewhat relieving after searching "symptoms" to find that they mostly point to different degrees of bipolar....like I said it may sound odd to say relieving, but it was kinda like an explanation for all the questions in my head...not an answer but a reason and basis to start improving. You are absolutely right, as I can tell that learning myself and knowing my issues will be the biggest impact and journey.

And homie- we are most def on the same quest and you are not preaching per say- but preaching to the choir! I've always been one of those people thought could always do the above and beyond, but as you said, simple every day to day tasks can sometimes be way difficult and overwhelming for some reason....and it does often break down to overthinking. I realized I was getting worse when the over thinking led to anger over things that haven't even happened. Lol. Then I had to take a step back and go - whoa, why the f am I getting mad/depressed over shit that has never and probably will never happen! But its the same thinking outside the box that has pushed folks like us ahead of the pack in life. And imo very well explains why we do what we do, have the guts and can excel in a world most see as taboo.

What gets me is I wonder how many folks just assume bipolar/manic/calythmia?/ etc really means bat shit crazy split personalities. When the reality is like you said- we ARE DIFFERENT and often misunderstood....thank goodness for the ganja!

I'm excited to attempt to settle down and read a book for once- its by Carl Jung the psychiatry dude. Evidentally it was a book he wrote over a long period of time in which he used psychedelics, meditation, etc to deal with his inner self/subconscious and attack the demons of his mind. It came out as a book of monsters, stories and artwork. And a journey into a troubled mind.... it was so bizarre and off, that he never published it and his family never let anyone read it until they let someone translate it and re-publish it last month....I'm talkin this book is from the 1915's-30's..... SImply titled "Red Book" and it is being coined as the Holy grail to the Unconscious... heres a link... maybe you might find it interesting...
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/magazine/20jung-t.html?_r=1

I see that many great minds, have had many mental illnesses and have used those to achieve remarkable things- just gotta harness it and not cut off an ear like van goh! lol.

And agreed- I plan to go all out on this journey for my holy grail garden of ganja! I got a new batch started and will keep this thread up to date with thoughts on different meds I give a go- especially now that I can hit dispensaries too!

 

[easypleasie]

I'll have to check out that book for sure. Love a good book when I can force some spare time to read. Either that or it gets put on the shelf like so many others that I intended to read but didn't cause I got distracted or forgot. LOL gotta love when you can make fun of yourself. It think it's healthy :)

When I discovered I had ADD, it was a HUGE load off my shoulders. I felt at ease knowing there was something explaining my behavior. And it changed my life completely for the best. I learned the tricks to cope and realized I had been doing many of them already. I just have to remember the simple tips more often. Basically putting myself in check when no one else is around to do it. Gotta take care of yourself cause no one else is gonna do it for you. haha Makes dating a real bitch! You have to go through the mental checklist in your head to see if you think they're compatible with your ways.

My ex-gf from long ago was majorly bi-polar. Regular meds seemed to help her but I think it was the fact that she was taking something to help. Like the placebo effect. It gave her some strange side effects so she had to get off of them. Ok, she tried to quit smoking weed once and things got all fucked! Dude, she was "nuts" without her mmj. I recall her waking up one night, looked over at me and elbowed me in the eye. I'm like, wtf? She said, "oh nothing, just go back to bed." haha That's just one of the stories in that book. Some people should never get off their mmj for health reasons outside of their own!

I think i'm a little beyond different, maybe weird would explain it better. LOL I've accepted the fact long ago and cherish my weirdish ways :) I like being different! It makes things interesting.

Man, this is a good talk. Very therapeutic. Looks like we're in the same proverbial boat. Let's put a jet engine on it and get it going! haha

I'm smoking some OG from my favorite bong now :) OG is ok for me but it loses it's luster if I smoke too much of it. I don't know what cut I have but i'm getting rid of it and starting fresh with the Raskal OG :) I think the hazes might be where its at for me, though. Really looking forward to the haze crosses I have going from ojd. How was the purple haze now that you got a chance to cure it for a bit?

You should be popping seeds soon, right? I just realized we're probably gonna be having similar setups with vertical lights. I'm already running vertical but changed things up again! It's something new with every run. haha I get bored easily.

 

[true grit]

I agree, it is definitely comforting(though f'd up) to get to realize others are in the same boat. Folks from outside may hear that as weird, but trust me its not.

I couldn't have put it better myself in that its about checklists and tips to stay on point, and in hindsight they worked at times. And I've realize those need to be implemented more often as well. Definitely think I need to medicate more so that I don't hit those off times where I'm just in too jive of a mood to even smoke and then start slippin. Edibles are next on my list to learn, as I think some potent edibles would be much more consistent than having to smoke to medicate constantly. So thats a whole other road as well that I haven't explored until now.

The purple haze is getting better each day. Honestly though, at times it has got me thinking a bit too much, but its usually fine as its strong enough I can just sit back and try to relax a bit. Definitely strong and definitely motivating....if I'm in a rut, it will definitely get me lifted. The other night I decided to smoke a lil bowl while tired but conscious in bed, and couldn't sleep for a good 30-45 mins at least after that. LOL... thats that haze kickin in. But for the most part its smiling happy thoughts. I really enjoy smoking that while out in the mountains, its nice, lifting, and lets me get out and do some running without being slow.

The OG is good shit, very shit eating grin inducing as well. Good hybrid but if I overdue it I can just find myself dozing in and out, I have to really get up and get going for that one to not sit me down!

Yep seeds have been popped, veg is under way. I'm away from the house right now, but some were poppin out before I left. Got quite a variety going, hopin for 8-10 females to run at a time under 6200w- not too many.
This is what the lineup is looking like now- Emperor Kush, Hazey Jones, Purple Haze, SFV OG, White Bubba, C99 BX-1....shortly after those are sexed and keep veggin, I'll have some Snowdog BX, Lemon Thai, and some AH x MH going...maybe some more OGR gear or those SSSDH if they drop soon. And yeah my set up is always changing, always trying to find better ways to better meds. Hopefully find a couple that really do me well and start keep a few moms to work cuts in of each run.

Appreciate it again for the talk and openness homie!

 

[v0ssman]

Bi polar, ADD, PTSD, have it all...MJ helps mostly, and hurts...but managing the issues is what keeps problems at bay. Its like a pedophile, you gotta keep em busy or theyll get into bad shit :cool0041:

Im glad I hit weed before I got into anything else...otherwise I know id be worse off. Was a load off my shoulders knowing I didnt have to feel like a zombie 24/7, and that I could even influence my emotions or behavior.

Relationships, my education, and a little job issues come along...but you have to try and understand the situations before reacting to them in a manic, depressive, or disorderly way. Theres no need for anyone to have to feel like a prisoner with their own emotions.

 

[sky high]

Hey bro.

I'm kinda in the same boat....however, I've never been formally "diagnosed' with any tag or syndrome...I just know i've fought depression and am always finding I'm on the "outside' when it comes to doing what others tend to enjoy doing. In short, I just don't find interest in the same things others do. When I get together with a buncha guys and they start talking "sports" or "hunting"...I just go blank because I have ZERO interest in such things. Now start talking WEED and I'm all over it...but again...how many folks can ya have THAT conversation with in this world? not near enough..fer sure.

I've fought "the cloud" for many years. However, as I've aged I've found that I can deal with the issues a bit better and that I can let more stuff slide that I would have once stressed out over. As a kid growing up my mom was very negative and judgemental. I've had to fight that trait in me my entire life. Such an outlook allows depression creep in, IMO...

As an adult I've isolated many of the things that can set me into a nosedive emotion-wise. ALCOHOL was a big catalysat for my depression...though ...like an idiot..it took me MANY years to make the connection. Like coke...the high and the low are corresponding events....and now that I don't drink anymore....I have far less bouts with depression.

All-in-all I've been fortunate, I suppose. I've managed all of this without taking SSRI's or others mood-altering chems (but weed) and have always felt (this iis just me, I don't make judgement on others) that such drugs mask the real problem...which is basically...to me...a failure to face your emotions head on. For me..depression is me ON THE RUN inside myself....and I've learned that if I STOP IN MY TRACKS and I face the demon rather than run I can head it alll off and refocus elsewhere.

PAIN is a bitch. Again I've been fortunate that I experienced all of this pain starting in my late 40's and not my 20's and 30's...

ANYTIME ya need to vent my PM box is open. Sometimes just dumping the BS helps immensely....and most other times it just helps to know that you are not alone in your misery.

hang iin there. "This too, shall pass" <<<<<<words to live by

be cool doods. It's all gonna be OK.

s h

 

[Texas Kid]

Bi-polar, manic, OCD, chronic insomnia, I gotta few of those kickin around my phsychy, it's all good...some days are better than others for sure. Any and all weed helps me, doesn't really matter which strain it is, sat or indica dom, bong rips, cones, or vape hits all do the trick..I thionk the entire process is what wraps me up and keeps my focus...kind of like in my super drug fueled days, the process of acquiring, settin up, gettin ready, etc.. all those little task was sometimes way more of the experience thatn the actual drugs where..crazy, I know.

i notice my conditions way way more if i don't have anything goin on, the mind can be a real bastard sometimes with idle hands and thoughts.

Tex

 

[true grit]

I really hate to sound stoked about so much response, but like we said earlier- it is comforting.

Vossman- I too am glad I found the green early. As with most of us being OCD and pushing it, I always found that I was similarly attracted to other drugs but with much worse side effects. I had to explain to myself that pills, though they altered me in what I thought was ok, were defitinely not healthy and I would overuse them.....so that was abruptly stopped back in the day and green increased. Lol. Those pills can be addictive as is, but when you have that personality its an appetite for destruction.

SH- Yeah bro thats what I'm finding sucks....had these issues since early teens and now that I'm my mid 20's its just getting worse at whats supposed to be my most productive point in life. Lol. It is still will be, but in a much different way.

Alcohol is definitely a bad deal for me too, I find I really have no desire to drink when depressed(opposite of most), when I'm normal I can easily have a few drinks no problem, but when in a manic state over a several days I just look to go out and uncharacteristically drink, get more aggressive, yada yada....you know what I'm saying- just not "myself" and alcohol does not help that!!. Just learned to steer away from that too....Like that kid cudi song, eventually turned into the lonely stoner. Ha.

Appreciate the offer to talk, sure I will at some point, but I'm like you- I'm more likely to engage you in a weed talk to free my mind and discuss a common interest that relaxes me, then specific issues. Lol. Talking pot, living pot, using pot, has really changed my life for the better. People really think its off, when thats all your interested in, but hey works for me.....

I was trying to explain to mi madre why I didn't want meds and masking the issue is the real deal. I agree. What good does that do? Yeah I'd feel great, be "normal", but what happens if you dont take meds? Right back with the same issues and a pill to pop to solve the problem....don't need that worry or bailout!

TK- Idle hands are the devils playground! Think thats why I'm always on the forums. Something I can focus on, learn from, grow with, and keep me focused between activities instead of thinking. Thank goodness for the farm!
I'll have to get at you about some edible recipes pretty soon here, and where to go to get potent edibles around our way until I get some product going.

Thanks again guys for taking the time to chime in, it doesn't really surprise me I guess to find some like minds in this arena. We are obviously different for what we do and level of OCD/dedication/valued interest in this hobby. Plus as we all agree- this plant works. Explain me again why the hell we can't prescibe this plant to everyone instead mood elevators, lithium, and anti-depressants? Just ludicrous......

 

[Lost]

Contrary to what most people think when you know you have ADD and can harness the stregnths of it, you can do amazing things :)

Easypleasie, it sounded like you were writing about me when I read your posts! Very cool to see other people that have overcome this huge hurdle and turn it into a positive. :)

 

[true grit]

I know, thanks EP for stepping in and starting the ball rollin!!

Us overactive minds can most def overcome and succeed if we can harness it- again thank goodness for the green!

 

[true grit]

So been trying all my strains from this grow, and only a few give me energy, don't put me to sleep and keep me happy. Some of the more haze leaning in the Hazey Jones. Medic's Sour Daze seems to be the best for it so far. Letting the PJ Haze cure now and due to the luck with the sati's I'll be pushing more of those for personal stash. I need it. Went to the doc and got on prozac, not sure if that helps any more or less than the green. Kinda here nor there on that one.

Anyone else have any feedback since this thread started?

 

[Lost]

Yea, as much as medications suck, sometimes for a short period they are needed. For an example I had some shit go down a few years ago after my UC caused me to lose my job which paid stupid money for what I did. I got so depressed (manic too), that I would some days work the entire day without thinking a thought. Other days I would be so depressed that I would stay in bed for a week.

I would not have gotten better, if not for the medications to break the cycle. Do not get me wrong, it is not pleasent to be on the meds. Some times what you have to do is not the easy thing or what you want to do. Most of the time 2 months was the max I could stand to be on them, but even that gave me motivation to get back to normal life.

The other thing you can do if you notivce a dark time coming.. Structre your time!! IF you are busy, it keeps the mind for mulling over shit you cannot change.

 

[altitudefarmer]

The SGH will be a good mood equalizer; it's not a devastating buzz unless you really kill your lungs, lol. Great for daytime if you're not looking to get wrecked, but need to take the edge off. I have a friend diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and she controls the mood swings quite effectively with cannabis, but you do NOT want to be around if she can't medicate... She can't stand any of the pharmaceuticals they give her; she says they make her more tired, sluggish, and apathetic than good ol' cannabis. She loves the SGH and the SSH cut I have. I'm hoping the Kaligria, Zilvermist, and Rocket Gal buds will offer her a comparable alternative so she can get some variety.

 

[revolutionseeds]

Thanks for this thread true grit. I myself have battled depression, mood swings, and many of the other problems you and easypleasie wrote about. I always thought I might possibly be bi-polar, but when I did go to the doctor, which I hardly do, he gave me paxil....so I tried it. It did work for a little bit....and by work I mean evened out my moods. I found I was unable to be happy and unable to be sad....kind of like a drooling zombie...stuck in the middle. So, I went back to strictly smoking herb, not that I stopped, and it seems to be the most beneficial medicine for me and my symptoms.

 

[sky high]

heya bro.

It's good to see you talk about this if it's hammerin' away at ya. Earlier in this thread I said I felt that the SSRI's/etc only mask the problems overall.... I still believe that but wanted to toss in the mix that my wife (never dealt with depression before) hit bottom a few years ago and took Paxil for a few months to STOP the downward spiral so she could see through the fog well enough to navigate her way out of it. I think she took it for 2 months before she felt like she had her thoughts together as much as she could with it in her system and was ready to stop and see where things went. By then "situations" at work/etc had changed enough that things started to right themselves in her mind and she again found her coping skills.

glad to hear the satis are helping. If you have trim make some butter or oil and get on that religiously.

For me, something else that helps is to simply STOP and take note of where I am. When I do I usually realize that MY troubles are miniscule..say compared to some others here... others who face physical challenges and other maladies that more often than not rule their daily lives.

Here's a little "piano pop" tune from WAAYYYY back in 1973. for me this tune is about realization...and about just hangin' in there when it gets "cloudy". Not sure if it will ring true for you..but it always helped me to find a bit of PERSPECTIVE when I've found myself "down" over the years. If not you..maybe someone else will hear the message and get a lift(?).



Sometimes I Don't Know What To Feel
Composer: Todd Rundgren

Sometimes I don't know
I just don't know what to feel

Sometimes I don't know what to feel
Everything I thought that I knew starts to look so unreal
There's a ringing in my head that keeps me awake at night

Sometimes I don't know what is right
Today I saw a car crush my little dog under its wheel
It did not even stop, it just sped off and out of sight

Sometimes I just feel so afraid
But I know that no one else has it made
So if I just believe in myself
I won't need no help from nobody else and I can make it alone
And everything will be cool, I got to keep on keepin' on
I know there's nothing else I can do

Sometimes I don't know what to do
Someone said the world's going to end and I think its true
I thought there was some love in the world
but I guess I'm wrong

Sometimes I just feel so alone
I don't want to admit to my friends that I feel confused
I wonder what I'd do with myself if the world was gone

Something makes me stay on my feet
Don't you dare admit to defeat
And if I tell myself it's all right
I can comfort myself through the night
and watch another day dawn
And everything will be cool
I got to keep on keepin' on

I know there's nothing else I can do



Hang in there, bro.

sh

 

[true grit]

Lost- Yeah, can't decide what I think of the meds just yet as its been a short time, but chemically I'm sure they are doing their job. I had to come to terms as many of you have said, to get past that first roadblock, sometimes ya need a little nudge. But meds are definitely not something I wanna have to be stuck to daily. I can pass on that. And as I told my doc- "i'm looking for mmj strain that will do the job so I don't have to take pills...", he felt me. Lol. Definitely feel ya on the structuring, I've had to come to terms that there are certain things I enjoy or that I do, that i simply shouldn't. Sad reality, but definitely a process.

Alt- Yeah I'll get that SGH goin pretty soon here. Been popping mad beans, time to take cuts and get that lady bangin... Luckily I'm still tolerable when I don't medicate, but still don't mean its always pleasant. lol. Hopefully those sati's will help your patient out, its always good to hear this stuff is actually helping some folks with real issues.

Rev- No problem bro, I had to come to terms with the fact that I have an issue as many people do, its real, i need help at times and so may others....Docs have lemme know a lil more bout my situation and I have no problem being open and a guinea pig if it helps others with the same issues. Mental health is a real issue folks shrug off, and we could all be a lot happier and healthier if we did deal with it. Interesting on the Paxil....they gave me Prozac since I medicate with mmj even though sometimes that can cause manic episodes. Guess they figured it would be an ok balance, just said to stay on top of it, wonder if thats why others got recommended paxil. But even with prozac, i thought maybe it was keeping me from being too upset, or able to tear up and all that, but after going through some shit with the ex- realized thats not the case, and triggers for it suck. Still get down, but dont stay down for as long, faster rebound i guess.

SH- As always, thanks bro for all of your support, you are awesome man. I had planned on getting some trim to friends for them to play with but have since decided it might be wise to go ahead and just start making big ass batches of butter to bake with- cuz if I can find a decent edible that I make that doesnt knock me out (yeah ive been getting a lil carried away on my butter), id be on it all day and bet that would do wonders.

Yeah i feel ya on how your wife had to handle it, and i got to that point where i finally decided to go for it and see it could help get over that barrier. Definitely have been trying to take some time to step back and evaluate things around me.

Thanks for the song bro, I definitely use music to lift my spirits and as long as I find the right songs, it can always help!

 

[GRAMTOWN]

im with you 100% bro. i thought i was the only one
im still on that lifelong journey to find or create a strain or 2 perfect for my everyday symptoms. goodluck to all of you who feel the same way i do day in and day out

 

[Dubwobble]

I have been on a number of meds during my life.

Early on, I was on Ritalin up until age 12. Thats when I left my moms and didn't have to take it anymore. It is also when I started smoking marijuana.

I've been through a number of things in my life that made me turn to medication other than weed.

Right now I take Lexipro, similar to Citalopram. It seems to work best (you don't feel anything, just normal).

However, if I stop taking it I get kinda dizzy in my head and I start getting hella moody and gloomy. It feels horrible if i miss a couple pills (I take 1 a day).

AS far as pot that works best - you already mentioned it - OG Kush. It really is "the one" I need to have all the time. It is extremely strong, hits my head in a heavy way that I like, but doesn't make me too sleepy unless I try to smoke myself to sleep. :yawn

I also seem to like the Chemdawgs - they have a similar "drunk in the head" feel that I want, without putting me to sleep (unless I want them to).

Amnesia Haze works really well too.

The best thing about these strains is that I don't have to smoke the sh*t out of them to get high, and the stone lasts a while so it saves me time and weed in the long run... and I get more done since I'm not puffing all the time.

I've been thinking about trying to get off the Lexipro, and the way I would do it would be to zonk myself out with tons of OG and slowly reduce the mg until I stop taking it alltogether...

The thing is, I really like how I feel on it :tongueout