gardnguyahoy said:

I havent had it in me to take down the blower and head over there.

Shit got real fucked up between me and the lady. Worse than ever. We both have anger issues and it just makes the arguments so frequent and bad. Just, this one was super heavy brother. And in front of the kids.

Ive been doing this back and fourth with her for a while now im sure ive bitched and moaned about it before. Its just...things went too far. And shes done with me. I realized that im a fucking poison mate. Its just hard to swallow. So yeah.....anyways..., its been a rough day.

I have some stupid mental issues from my child hood and everything i went thru, it makes it hard for me to see straight, sometimes i get so wrapped up in my head that my perspective of the world gets twisted up. Makes me an idiot. And then when things return to normal i see all these things i did and ways i acted and all i can feel is regret and shame.

Im just thankful i have friends(edit to add) -and weed- to help keep me sane. Without other humans i get lost in my head. I need to talk about shit like ph meters and joke around cause it grounds me. Ya know? So does spending time with my boy. Hes all knocked out snoring next to me and it cheers me up.

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mittenmedgrow said:

Sounds like me when I was young, severe bipolar with anger outbursts and days at a time with no sleep and severe depression. I learned a long time ago to remove myself from situations when I feel it coming on. I've done a lot of dumb shit due to anger. Medication helped but counseling and learning to notice it coming on and getting away and being by myself was the biggest help. It might sound stupid but self talk helped me a lot. Taking the time to talk to yourself and understand your feelings helps. I could tell you some crazy ass things I did while enraged from knocking myself out by intentionally running into a tree to threatening the police and telling them to shoot me. I'm lucky to be alive. Being from a broken family isn't good but I think having parents that fight and argue in front of the kids is worse especially If it gets physical or people start wrecking shit.

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tattoojim said:

Combo Meyer fer the win!

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G gnome said:

I feel worse about myself when i get that mad than i ever did about whatever stupid shit set me off


Combo Meyer eh?

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tattoojim said:

Yep that's rite

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G gnome said:

Sounds delicious

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gardnguyahoy said:

Mornin gents! Missed about 8 pages... Sorry no like onslaughts from me today... But hey hey hey! Im glad to be here.

Walked in my room last night after i got home, it was 87! Ahhh! 6 inch fan on the 600w went out. Completely. It was barely turning when i pulled the ducting off.

RH was immeasurable. 0% lol. I watered and got it up to 20% @Ned Kelly im still trying to bring the RH back up. Didn't want to shock the plants but fuckin a brother i think i already did with the fan failure. So today, ill try and return that pos and get another. Hopefully stabalize the RH back to 25%

Anyone know a good read to help combat Fox tailing?

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mittenmedgrow said:

Sounds like me when I was young, severe bipolar with anger outbursts and days at a time with no sleep and severe depression. I learned a long time ago to remove myself from situations when I feel it coming on. I've done a lot of dumb shit due to anger. Medication helped but counseling and learning to notice it coming on and getting away and being by myself was the biggest help. It might sound stupid but self talk helped me a lot. Taking the time to talk to yourself and understand your feelings helps. I could tell you some crazy ass things I did while enraged from knocking myself out by intentionally running into a tree to threatening the police and telling them to shoot me. I'm lucky to be alive. Being from a broken family isn't good but I think having parents that fight and argue in front of the kids is worse especially If it gets physical or people start wrecking shit.

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gardnguyahoy said:

See what i mean. My buddys help ground me. Wether it be real life or here, experience from older wiser dudes really humbles me and helps me gain perspective.

Life is a lesson. Whatever it was for yall, stupidity seems to be lodged right in there for me as well. @mittenmedgrow i can relate big time. Im very internal, constantly churning, concerning, weighing, optioning, imagining, struggling with myself. Anger is something i struggle with big time. Being 27 i feel shitty that i havent grown up enough to keep my shit straight. I felt it coming. I just didnt avoid it. I dove right in like an idiot.

@G gnome @Papa Indica your right, and i feel like this back and fourth has been going on for over a year now. Shits got to the point where i think were making each others lives worse just by being around each other. I love this woman to death but i cant keep doing this to her, i cant keep losing my temper and having shouting matches while the kids can hear.

The older girl, shes 9. She just starts screaming mommy and crying...it was fucked up dude.

There was a moment where i felt like a monster. And i feel bad for them...you know? Like its getting worse. Not better.

Anyways. I appreciate all the love guys i really do. Every word of wisdom is taken in and considered, appreciated and stored. I appreciate you guys, this weird collection of growers and smokers just trying to talk to some like minded folks. Id like to keep the vibes positive and all that, hope the fresh fam is doing well tonight.

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gardnguyahoy said:

See what i mean. My buddys help ground me. Wether it be real life or here, experience from older wiser dudes really humbles me and helps me gain perspective.

Life is a lesson. Whatever it was for yall, stupidity seems to be lodged right in there for me as well. @mittenmedgrow i can relate big time. Im very internal, constantly churning, concerning, weighing, optioning, imagining, struggling with myself. Anger is something i struggle with big time. Being 27 i feel shitty that i havent grown up enough to keep my shit straight. I felt it coming. I just didnt avoid it. I dove right in like an idiot.

@G gnome @Papa Indica your right, and i feel like this back and fourth has been going on for over a year now. Shits got to the point where i think were making each others lives worse just by being around each other. I love this woman to death but i cant keep doing this to her, i cant keep losing my temper and having shouting matches while the kids can hear.

The older girl, shes 9. She just starts screaming mommy and crying...it was fucked up dude.

There was a moment where i felt like a monster. And i feel bad for them...you know? Like its getting worse. Not better.

Anyways. I appreciate all the love guys i really do. Every word of wisdom is taken in and considered, appreciated and stored. I appreciate you guys, this weird collection of growers and smokers just trying to talk to some like minded folks. Id like to keep the vibes positive and all that, hope the fresh fam is doing well tonight.

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G gnome said:

Bout to play some mario cart w the fam!!!

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