Dude, if I started unloading some of the things I've done in my life, and some of the shit that goes through my head everyone would think I'm a bad person. The truth is some things that you do/ have done will always stick to you but, every day is an opportunity to be a better person than we were yesterday, and that's what really counts, what we do with that opportunity. As long as we're doing a little better than before, have a little better attitude than before, and not regressing, then we are on the right path. As far as what's in the head well, it's our actions that count, I think everyone has fucked up thoughts, it's a question of whether or not we act on those thoughts. We can't change who we are but, we can change how we see things and how we interact. Cheer up bro, in the end we're all in the same boat, just trying to get through this shit the best way we know how.