Funny Pix, Vids & Stories

  • Thread starter Chronic Monster
  • Start date
  • Tagged users None
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
A good friend of mine who is black as a brand new tire lived in Denver. He worked night shift and got home around 7am. Hed unwind, go to bed around 10am or so. Several times as soon as he feel asleep the Jehova witnesses would ring the doorbell and wake him up. After a few times he got fed up and when he answered the door he was buck naked except for knee high white socks. They instantly covered the eyes of the teenaged girl witness and never rang his bell again....
 
chickenman

chickenman

Premium Member
Supporter
The same friend in story above worked with me at United Airlines as cabin cleaners. We would clean planes in Denver for next departure. What we found of value we usualy kept. One day we found a bag with a cheap camera in it not really worth keeping. Before we turned it into lost and found I took a picture of his uncircumsized huge black dick, I wonder what that poor passenger thought when they saw that!!!OH MY GOD JOHN WHAT IS THIS!!!
 
Seamaiden

Seamaiden

Living dead girl
I haz LOL catz.

Oh man... stories take me time to think of, but I can put up some other funny shit (ok, funny to me). Here goes (no, I won't post the earwig one, I think you've already seen it). This stuff makes me giggle. :giggle
 
Chronic Monster

Chronic Monster

Shirts off, acting bad!

:ninja:ninja:ninja:ninja


[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNz6aCl3kgY[/YOUTUBE]

notice the wrong kid gets it :giggle
 
Seamaiden

Seamaiden

Living dead girl
Ooooohhhh ho ho hoooo!! JESUS!!! He fucking SMACKED HIM!

Two more that pretty much slay me, every time.


[YOUTUBE]YersIyzsOpc[/YOUTUBE]

[YOUTUBE]ee925OTFBCA[/YOUTUBE]

Aw, shit, I spewed mah coffee.
 
jeffadies

jeffadies

Garden of Dreams Seed Co
I freak out like the kid and cry like the old guy when i find a male in my garden..lol that kid freak out video had me rollin.
 
Chronic Monster

Chronic Monster

Image is resized, got to click on it to read it ;)

http://i1136.invalid.com/albums/n500/chillwillz/x0r5gn.jpg











-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://i.invalid.com/IF2Dw.jpg
 
Chronic Monster

Chronic Monster

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked. 'Actually, yes, I do. ''Does it hurt you?' he asked. 'No. I rather like it.' 'Well, then,' the doctor continued, ' there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course, ' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think people like Nancy GRACE come from.'
 
Chronic Monster

Chronic Monster

Just try
reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

---------------------------------------------------------

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the
wife. A story of a guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
submitted this:


Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing!

I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay,
so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?


There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
work as advertised.
Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking
to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best ...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
and ...


HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION .
. WHAT THE ....!!!


I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst
when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up
and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return!

P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my
experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being
stupid !!!
 
K

kripplecreek

^^^^^ I NEEEDED A LAUGH TODAY HOLY SHIT!! You delivered man!!!! Ive never zapped myself looollll
 
Top Bottom