thirdeyemama
- 242
- 63
It has taken me over a year to write this. It took me over five years to begin to come out of some of the brainwashing I had received from both sides of the debate in the most important political reality that exists today: That is The Personal.
I happen to believe everything is politics. These communications we give and receive in each clique we hold onto or each family we remain bonded to ... these are all subcultures upon subcultures with standards, rules and mores that should not be broken or questioned.
Even the Cannabis Legalization movement has their own code of conduct.
I must tell you that most of my life — from the time I can remember — I have been give mood altering drugs. I was born with a severe chronic illness and have been the benefactor of everything from a death sentence (age of 18) but total family disownership as a result of my refusal to continue in their own interpersonal fucked up family system.
I left at aged 15. I lived in a hospital in Denver where I learned how to live with the disease, not die from it. (Seems the family was priming me on dying from it for so long I began to believe it was the obedient child who would follow that script).
Well fuck obedience, i wasn't just the scapegoat, I was the rebel. By this time, I was enmeshed into the hippie cultural whose unwritten rules were, "if your hair isn't long enough we don't trust you" and "if you don't smoke dope, get the fuck out of my house you narc". I stayed in Denver. My first apartment was a room with a bath at the end of the hall, my rent was $25 a month. It was perfect.
Through the years I realized that i was an addict. I used a lot of different things, but was careful because of my severe illness and the meds I had t take to keep that in line. When I got a decent enough paying job in photography (my craft at the time) I swore to lay off everything (coke, shrooms, any occasional gift) except reefer. That was 1981 and I stayed true to that vow. But I did love my reefer.
I thought if I got out of the art field and photography, and go into legal victim advocacy, I would have to clean up a bit more. I just found better reefer and coked out lawyers.
Run forward a few years and note I met the old man in 1990, we hooked up in 1993, moved here to the mountains in Feb 1994, got married here Aug 1994 and I went to treatment January 1995. He got clean on his own five days later. Since that time, much has happened in the world of legal drugs and much has happened to my health.
Today I am in recovery. I was prescribed MMJ therapy exactly one year ago. I have met with my sponsor, my doctor, my HP was in the room (didn't see it, usually only find it on the edge of a hummingbird wing in the mist) and we have agreed to a regiment of medications that now has me taking
1) NO antidepressant for the first time in 15 years
2) 1/3 the amount of sleeping medication I needed this time last year
3) One 24 hour pain medication, no need for opiates for breakthrough pain
4) in short, I am on 7 less pills today and am more mobile, more able to care for myself, happier and finally able to accept myself.
I don't abuse the reefer. I can't. I know that. The doc has actually called me during the stomach flu hell that I had for two months and ordered me to smoke more dope and drink gatorade. He is an MD who also comes to my home (he lives across the lake from me) to give me acupuncture when I am in tough pain situations.
I begin this debate. How do we find ourselves as old hippies, many of whom have been in 12 step and are now finding that taking Rx meds in recovery can kill an addict. It's been a long road for me and I've taken the turn at my crossroad. I hope to share much more with you folks here, or find another forum (please suggest!!) to begin.
Still clean.
addict named lizzie
I happen to believe everything is politics. These communications we give and receive in each clique we hold onto or each family we remain bonded to ... these are all subcultures upon subcultures with standards, rules and mores that should not be broken or questioned.
Even the Cannabis Legalization movement has their own code of conduct.
I must tell you that most of my life — from the time I can remember — I have been give mood altering drugs. I was born with a severe chronic illness and have been the benefactor of everything from a death sentence (age of 18) but total family disownership as a result of my refusal to continue in their own interpersonal fucked up family system.
I left at aged 15. I lived in a hospital in Denver where I learned how to live with the disease, not die from it. (Seems the family was priming me on dying from it for so long I began to believe it was the obedient child who would follow that script).
Well fuck obedience, i wasn't just the scapegoat, I was the rebel. By this time, I was enmeshed into the hippie cultural whose unwritten rules were, "if your hair isn't long enough we don't trust you" and "if you don't smoke dope, get the fuck out of my house you narc". I stayed in Denver. My first apartment was a room with a bath at the end of the hall, my rent was $25 a month. It was perfect.
Through the years I realized that i was an addict. I used a lot of different things, but was careful because of my severe illness and the meds I had t take to keep that in line. When I got a decent enough paying job in photography (my craft at the time) I swore to lay off everything (coke, shrooms, any occasional gift) except reefer. That was 1981 and I stayed true to that vow. But I did love my reefer.
I thought if I got out of the art field and photography, and go into legal victim advocacy, I would have to clean up a bit more. I just found better reefer and coked out lawyers.
Run forward a few years and note I met the old man in 1990, we hooked up in 1993, moved here to the mountains in Feb 1994, got married here Aug 1994 and I went to treatment January 1995. He got clean on his own five days later. Since that time, much has happened in the world of legal drugs and much has happened to my health.
Today I am in recovery. I was prescribed MMJ therapy exactly one year ago. I have met with my sponsor, my doctor, my HP was in the room (didn't see it, usually only find it on the edge of a hummingbird wing in the mist) and we have agreed to a regiment of medications that now has me taking
1) NO antidepressant for the first time in 15 years
2) 1/3 the amount of sleeping medication I needed this time last year
3) One 24 hour pain medication, no need for opiates for breakthrough pain
4) in short, I am on 7 less pills today and am more mobile, more able to care for myself, happier and finally able to accept myself.
I don't abuse the reefer. I can't. I know that. The doc has actually called me during the stomach flu hell that I had for two months and ordered me to smoke more dope and drink gatorade. He is an MD who also comes to my home (he lives across the lake from me) to give me acupuncture when I am in tough pain situations.
I begin this debate. How do we find ourselves as old hippies, many of whom have been in 12 step and are now finding that taking Rx meds in recovery can kill an addict. It's been a long road for me and I've taken the turn at my crossroad. I hope to share much more with you folks here, or find another forum (please suggest!!) to begin.
Still clean.
addict named lizzie
