Timers: Caveman Grower Bluzboy Given Secret Of Timed Fire

[Bluzboy]

I would like to relay a Thanksgiving grower story from this past weekend that allows me to direct some satire and ridicule at my favorite target which is myself. I am a senior( I'm 60 dudes) junior farmer and Thanksgiving weekend 2 years ago I started my first grow under the expert guidance and tutelage of Homebrew420. I had a 1000 watt light I just bought and hung in the middle of a small spare bedroom and Homebrew420 brought over my first three plants, two Dark Stars and a XXX OG. In time I changed the small bedroom into a veg room with a couple of T5's and used a DR150(5 X 5 x7) for bloom with the 1000 watt, then recently grew into a DR240(8 X 8 X 7) and added a 600 watt that Walter Whitefire donated with gracious benevolent generosity, to add to the 1000 watt in the DR240. Now some others out here who know me and have visited my gardens will attest that the Bluzboy does a lot of things in his grow rooms with what they would describe as the "very, very, hard and labor intense way" to say the least. And when it came to turning on my bloom lights the last 2 years I did it by setting two different alarm clocks at two different ends of the crap modular house I live in twice a day for either 7am or 7pm and then I would run frantically and turn my lights and can fans on manually. Now some great bloqqers and friends out here had suggested for quite a while I get something called a "timer" that would actually turn the lights on and off at what times I set it for. Being from rural western Montana and growing up in my Scottish granny's ranch house with no plumbing till the age of 6, I was skeptical of using the indoor toilet for quite awhile and continued to use the outhouse and barn till I got the courage 2 years later at the age of 8 and I finally came to have confidence in indoor plumbing and the flushing process. It was the same for me with "timers". Homebrew420, EyeCandi, Walter Whitefire,had a long time ago given me timers and tried to get me to use them. But I was skeptical of the technology as I was of the "toilet that flushed" when I was six. But Saturday night Homebrew420 showed up with some great goodies for my garden and low and behold some of those "timer" gadgets as well. I was feeling brave, I was feeling lucky, its my birthday in two weeks and nothing bad happens usually till the day after so I decided to go for it. I had Homebrew420 show me how to set and run these devices and I plugged them into the outlets with my lights and can fans hooked up to them. I then later entered the bloom room at 6:55pm and waited five minutes anxiously and then a miracle happened, my lights and can fans came on right at 7pm and they stayed on till 7am. I know because I stood in there all night and made sure. So, I would like to recommend that all new and junior farmers get "timers" at your local hydro/grow dealer and use them. Do not turn lights on manually like I did for two years. It really screws up your sleep pattern and you can never go anywhere unless you get home by 7pm or 7am. I have posted a picture of a "timer" below for any other caveman technology skeptical challenged indoor growers like myself. These "timers" however have the drawback of ruining any further excuses for getting out of things you do not want to do with or for your spouse around 7am or 7pm however. I am working on a new strategy for that and will post it once I work it out. I now strongly suggest the use of "timers" for convenience and ease for any of you new farmers. Don't wait 2 years to get a timer or use a toilet. Both are reliable, user friendly, and safe for even new and junior farmers to operate.
Best regards for the Holidays and the New Year to all from the Bluzboy

 

[Zonkerly]

Nice little story, I have several timers, but rarely use them.

 

[Bluzboy]

Nice little story, I have several timers, but rarely use them.

I had a confidence problem with them for a long time as my post related but I am giving them a shot as I would like not to have to rush home from a restaurant outing, visiting friends, or just to be able sleep in once in a while past 7am.
Best regards always from the Bluzboy

 

[Bluzboy]

Well, so much for timers as on the second night not one of three started on time and in fact all three screwed up big time and I am pulling these bastards out and sending them straight into the garbage. Yes they were set properly. This is the third set of timers I have gotten where not one single unit worked properly even after double and triple checking the settings on the damn things. I am back to manually starting and turning off lighting. Screw the "timer" crap guys. Three strikes and they are out of my game and garden.

 

[DowNwithDirT]

oh boy....that quick huh. Used timers for years, and years as does every farmer on here. I know not one soul that turns their lights on and off manually.

I mean I've had a timer here or there go, but usually just messed it up by not setting it right. Can't believe your having such issues.
Best of luck man.

 

[outwest]

Timers. Ha! There is a dude on Phish tour who the band nicknamed 'timer' back in the day because he would stand in the front row with a stop watch and literally record timing and lengths for each song the band played. It became fairly distracting for the band and they asked him to stop. They even sang a song about him once.

I users timers. They fail all the time. I still use them, but I still check on them. I have not had the poor luck you are having. I bet if you are using the digital timer, you may be putting to much power on it, so they fail. I've had that problem.

Harbor freight sells the exact same digital timer as the hydro store for $9.95. It only runs in military time. Maybe since you're an ex-marine the timers need to run on military time. My plants don't seem to mind as long I don't blare revelry at lights on.

outwest

 

[Bluzboy]

Well I found after some investigation that we had a little brown out today from the never ending fracking every 100 feet out here where I live. So I am giving these "timers" another "caveman smart" try. Most of my clocks in the house run on batteries including my wall clocks, which other people usually replace and change out for me due to my intermittent as well as complete lack of any trade skills, so I was unaware there had been an outage while I napped after a big spleeve, some soup, and watching some Barney the dinosaur on PBS late this morning that ironically was on how to set a HPS light "timer" for those like myself who are "remedial challenged time setters". This goes for those especially like me who just figured out how to use a Bic lighter with a safety on it also. I think I got it right this time with the "TIMERS", or maybe closer to right, or maybe I will have to watch Barney again to get it completely right. Maybe I should smoke the spleeve "AFTER" I set the timers. Think I'll try that first.

 

[outwest]

Well I found after some investigation that we had a little brown out today from the never ending fracking every 100 feet out here where I live. So I am giving these "timers" another "caveman smart" try. Most of my clocks in the house run on batteries including my wall clocks, whixh other people usually replace for me due to my trade skills so I was unaware there had been an outage while I napped after a big spleeve, some soup, and watching some Barney the dinosaur on PBS late this morning ironically on how to set a HPS light "timers" for those like myself who are "remedial challenged time setters". This goes for those especially of you like me who just figured out how to use a Bic lighter with a safety on it. I think I got it right this time with the "TIMERS", or maybe closer to right, or maybe I will have to watch Barney again to get it completely right. Maybe I should smoke the spleeve "AFTER" I set the timers. Think I'll try that first.

I find TeleTubbies very informative. Remind me to never mention the phrases 'cell phone' 'text message' or 'e-mail' in your presence. You might run off to your cave and club your wife.

How are you even able to be 'on internet'?

Your self-deprecating humor is hilarious. Hope you don't mind me adding to it.

outwest

 

[Bluzboy]

I pay my dachshunds to log on for me and take dictation. Ebon Tanner, my black and tan 8 year old, is typing this as I speak. Once in a while they let me play solitaire or log them off to prove how much smarter they are than me. Its embarrassing. They actually set the timers tonight which is why the timers are probably going to work fine now.

 

[outwest]

And you probably need a better electrician. ;)

outwest

 

[Bluzboy]

What the hell is a "cell phone" Out West ? Is that one of those like "walkie talkies" gizmos with a camera in it? Nope, don't have one of those as I did not pass the "background check" during three day wait period when I tried to buy one. "E-mail", is that when you get free erotica or porn in your outside mailbox? I been smoking a lot of Purple Jones I just harvested Out West and eating lots of real goooood cookies to thwart severe intense pain of a disintegrating disc that has had me on cane, walking like I have palsy due challenged signals and simply wincing like my ribs are broken when I breath. So making fun of myself eases the pain and I am more than glad to have any and all others like yourself contribute to the fun and humor I point at myself. I'd rather make fun of myself than gripe or fall into solipsistic driven self pity. I leave that kind of self absorption "pity me" stuff and terminal "its their fault" blame game stuff to professional whiners like Mitt Romney and Karl Rove. My favorite person to laugh at has always been myself and it has worked out well for me for 60 years. Nobody else gets hurt. That's best kind of humor and wit which I myself have always tried to employ in my fellowships and daily life.
Come and visit me with Walter White Fire some time Out West. You are welcome to visit anytime and hang in the gardens or sit on my back porch and watch the fracking frackers fracking up my previous beautiful vistas and open space to the west, north, south, and even the flat lander's open space out east of me.
Best regards to you from the Bluzboy always!

 

[Bluzboy]

Oh, and my wife is a little 5' 2" 105 pound red head, and ethnically Irish and French, so the Irish in her makes HER club the hell out of ME, and then the French in her chews me out later when I regain consciousness while she goes into a skinny petite French women angst fit because I stayed knocked out too long on the floor to help her do anything she clubbed me out and dragged me by my hair over to do. Oh, lordy, here she comes, I got to put on my old gilly suit, quickly go and hide behind some plants. Talk with you later man.

 

[Bluzboy]

And you probably need a better electrician. ;)

outwest

The electrician in this case Out West needed a client that knew how to use outlets properly and even recognize an electrical outlet when he saw one and not try to plug the positive and negative wires of his stereo speakers into them to make them play sounds or take the outlet face plates off and clean out the outlet with a damp clean rag and some clean water. I was adopted according to a large lie I and others invented that I was also sired by Larry Fine according to my real family's Walter Mitty like recollections who go along with the lie. I fortunately did not inherit Larry Fine's "porcupine" hair as Moe called him, nor Larry Fine's penchant for gambling and losing a lot of money on fixed horse racing, or gambling and losing large amounts of money from betting on Bing Crosby's horses at fixed and non-fixed horse races as Larry in earnest did. I did however, inherit all of Larry Fine's skills as a tradesman, car mechanic, or small order fry cook.
Best regards from the Bluzboy Stooge