Welp...Something's Wrong

[squiggly]

Some of ya'll might have seen my thread "Cigarettes"

Seen here:
https://www.thcfarmer.com/community/threads/cigarettes.54711/

Well, continuing that discussion here--I have received my bloodwork back today.

There is no b12 deficiency, nothing abnormal at all in fact. I have healthy blood serum levels for a male in his mid twenties. Hell my numbers are stellar, and my RBC's look beast (doc even let me look at em in the scope).

My "anxiety" the doctor is now fairly convinced isn't anxiety at all (which I told her in the first place)--I pointed out to her today that I was experiencing a severe increase in my heart rate when I was standing versus sitting/laying down (a small increase is normal but my HR goes from 70 to 120 upon only standing up). She also let me know that my blood pressure was plummeting at the same time.

She has come to the conclusion that there is very likely something going on with my heart.

An initial EKG showed nothing abnormal, and a chest X-ray showed that my heart was a normal size (and also that my cigarette habit has likely not caused irreparable damage--read: cancer--to my lungs). All very good news.

The next step is something called a Holter monitor, which is basically a 24 hour EKG. From there an echocardiogram/stress test would be the next step.

I got this news early this morning--and my reaction to it has been less than ideal. I'd be lying to suggest that I'm not scared. I'm terrified in fact.

This may have colored some of my responses to posts today and if anyone has felt personally offended I'd like to apologize for that. I feel like most of what I said came from the heart (har har ;) ) but there are a few people I felt I may have crossed the line with and I've contacted those folks and given them an apology which was well-deserved.

I just wanted to publicly say that I'm sorry if I've been an ass to you today or recently. I've been going through a really tough time. The loss of a friend, the sudden onset of these health symptoms, and the strain both of those situations have placed on my personal relationships.

It's not right for me to upload all of that bullshit here to the farm and I just wanted to take responsibility for having done that and to ask your forgiveness.

There has been such an outpouring of support here for me in the past week and I am so grateful for it that words can do no justice. This past week I have done two things:

1. Struggled to make it from each minute to the next without having a panic attack.

2. Read/responded to threads on the farm and felt some semblance of normalcy if only for a little while.

I simply wanted to acknowledge #2 with this post, because it has meant more than the world to me over the past week--it has meant my sanity and the difference between curling up into a ball and having a strained smile on my face, if only for fleeting moments at a time before reality re-set in.

Farmers,

Please accept my sincerest apology and my personal assurance that I am doing my very best and damndest not only to get through this trial of mine--but also to treat all of you with the respect you rightly deserve.

I love you guys and I wouldn't have made it through this week, and likely would have a much harder time in the weeks to come, without you.

That even goes for those of you who I've got long running disagreements with. If you'll allow me to bury the hatchet with you here--I'd very much appreciate that. Know that it's my intention to treat as though it's been buried henceforth even if you cannot find it within yourselves to give me a second chance at proving that I'm a worthwhile human with nothing but the best of intentions.

Thanks for reading, and thank you in advance for the concern that I'm sure many of you will have. It really does mean the whole world to me.

Sincerely,
Squiggs

 

[orbad]

Keep your chin up squiggs. You'll get 'er figured out. In the meantime I'd start eating as healthy as possible. Give your body the strongest platform possible.

You may even try eating some cannabis if you aren't already.

You've given a ton to this community and I look forward to you sticking around.

 

[squiggly]

Keep your chin up squiggs. You'll get 'er figured out. In the meantime I'd start eating as healthy as possible. Give your body the strongest platform possible.

You may even try eating some cannabis if you aren't already.

You've given a ton to this community and I look forward to you sticking around.

I'm already on the health food situation.

pinegrovedave has offered to help me out figuring out whats up with my nutrition. I'm getting a food log together for him to look over.

I've been eating better for about a week now--I can already tell a difference, unfortunately it's just not a difference in my heart...yet.

Thanks for the love.

I hope I can turn some of the folks who have a poor opinion of me around to where they feel I'm worth appreciation like you do (I don't blame them for not feeling that way).

 

[Capulator]

apology accepted. carry on!

 

[Seamaiden]

I'm really glad you got in to see that doctor, squiggly.

 

[squiggly]

I'm really glad you got in to see that doctor, squiggly.

I'm sort of not, ignorance is bliss.

 

[Seamaiden]

No, you had an episode that scared you. What's worse, letting your mind run amok, or knowing what the problem is so that you can do something about it (or not)? In my world, it's better to know.

 

[Natural]

glad your takin care of biz squiggs...godspeed on getting back to regular health!

 

[squiggly]

No, you had an episode that scared you. What's worse, letting your mind run amok, or knowing what the problem is so that you can do something about it (or not)? In my world, it's better to know.

Well when I was a tyke, I wanted to be a cardiovascular surgeon. Up until about the age of 18. So I'm fairly well read on all of this stuff.

In addition to that, for the past 3 years solid I have been doing research on beta adrenergic blockers--which happen to be exactly the class of compounds one might expect to be treated with given my current symptoms.

As a result I know a GREAT DEAL about what to expect and what my symptoms might forbear.

For lack of a better way to say it--it's not generally a very good prognosis for someone experiencing these types of things at this age. These are problems for a person at least twice my age.

There is always the possibility of extenuating circumstances and as a scientist I am trained well not to jump to conclusions--but I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish I didn't know all of this crap that I know.

I am alarmed and for good reason. This is one time I wish I was a just a tiny bit more stupid.

Turns out being a "know-it-all" isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when it comes to cardiovascular disorders.

 

[vaporedout]

try juicing..... get all those vitamins in a tasty drink. theres tons of recipes, ive got a few good ones. message me if your interested, good luck

 

[squiggly]

Thanks everyone for all you've done for me.

I'm peacing out.

Thanks for some of the fish.

Some of them shits were nasty though. Too oily.

 

[Amber]

No, you had an episode that scared you. What's worse, letting your mind run amok, or knowing what the problem is so that you can do something about it (or not)? In my world, it's better to know.

I could not agree more. Knowledge is power.

 

[green punk]

Regular exercise, is key to a healthy heart. Get well.

 

[Medusa]

Squiggly sorry you left , I enjoyed your post and I didn't have to read all of them was my choice everyone has that choice we live in the USA. freedom of speech

 

[squiggly]

Squiggly sorry you left , I enjoyed your post and I didn't have to read all of them was my choice everyone has that choice we live in the USA. freedom of speech

I'm still around--just less.

 

[Amber]

Sometimes lurking is in order.

 

[dankworth]

Having looked into autoimmune stuff, and diet, step 1 is almost always taking out wheat.Amazing difference in my life from that and a few other permanent dietary changes. Took 47 hrs, 20 mins on the clock of no wheat to notice effects at first. 17 mins on the clock for certain symptoms to return when I accidentally ingested wheat.

May want to switch to American Spirits if you have not yet.

 

[We Solidarity]

Having looked into autoimmune stuff, and diet, step 1 is almost always taking out wheat.Amazing difference in my life from that and a few other permanent dietary changes. Took 47 hrs, 20 mins on the clock of no wheat to notice effects at first. 17 mins on the clock for certain symptoms to return when I accidentally ingested wheat.

May want to switch to American Spirits if you have not yet.

what symptoms, specifically?

 

[squiggly]

May want to switch to American Spirits if you have not yet.

I've been thinking of going gluten/wheat free.

Do you mean cigarettes dude? I quit those.

 

[Burning Bush]

Squiggs
Head up;keep your head lightly forcing up.
Arse down:keeps the weight right in your feet,hurts for a while untill your capilaries are working properly,massage your caritoid arterie and do not sit back in a lounge seat,aslways sit at the end of the set ,with your feet no wider than where they point straight ahead,in alingment with your hips,hold your head straight so that eyes are in the middle,not up,not down,not left not right,stay in the middle,count your heart beats so many every breath you take and smooth this union right out,so that it really is right in the middle,not too slow,but not fast,don't try to breath too deep,let it happen,stay in the middle with your strength and nerves(speed) aswell,don't jump,don't sloth,stay firm all over,by relaxing into a comfortable state,let the surrounds,be the only thing that you are listening to,do not listen to you thoughts,only what is happening around you,this is reality,not what our rambling thoughts say,this is imagination overload,listening and hearing is an advanced skill that not many people can do for a long time,in their day.
Did ya get all that.
unlock your knees,and never ever lock them again,let your feet and legs carry you,not your skeleton,use your balls of your feet to distribute your weight between them,right in the middle
,let your spine relax right through your hips,so that there is a feeling of expansion all over,evenness and comfortness.
Always seek comfort of mind and body,do not let either be restricted or cramped,at any moment,turn all wieght down into the ground(grounded)by useing the benefit of gravity,let your head rise defying gravity,so that up down left right and centre are one again.
Understand that we can learn everything,by knowing nothing,and by letting go,standing true and firm,and never slumping or leaning.
It's a life's exercise(very hard,easy to say).