A nowhere stare,

[st0ne]

Ever had the thought of checking yourself into a mental institute?
I once read that most who do aren't insane at all, yet are unable to cope with reality. Perhaps brilliant, yet they delve too deep. Unable to return to the role of a functioning member of society.

I often go days without leaving my house, and when I do it is a surreal experience. Hyper aware anxiety; focused and yet with a nowhere stare alike autism. Smiling and laughing at inappropriate moments. Talking to myself. Paranoid. Seeing beyond the fabric of everyday life, and with it the system for what it really is.

Standing in a lineup at the bank, I absorb the scene with my peripheral vision. The lowly midget who probably sells crack for a living. The ethnic minority. The pretty girl who sees me, yet pretends not to.

Meanwhile behind my groomed appearance and wild eyes, I think of the Rothschilds and their banking dynasty dating back two hundred and fifty years. Yes, lets deposit our money; allowing them to loan ten fold with interest. Fractional reserve banking; a complicated scheme of slavery where a few gain from others. Brilliant, and yet I wonder if others see beyond the clean decor and passive music? Do the tellers? Do the patrons with there 9-5 jobs?

Somehow I doubt it.

http://24.media.invalid.com/tumblr_lkjmxaaruI1qje099o1_400.jpg

 

[TrichromeFan]

Sounds like you're smokin some heavy duty weed. Maybe take a break and clear your head.

People are strange, when you're a stranger........

Lighten up.

-TF

 

[Dodge]

Everyone is +/- crazy, but not everyone can write like you. Well-written, interesting post.

One thing to consider..... give others the "benefit of the doubt." You are smart, yes, this is true. Others are just as intelligent, creative and skeptical as you. Even those who conform to societies' norms; doing nothing more than hold their only place as a gear in the machine built by money and power. Cheer up buddy, there are millions of people much like you. :)

 

[putembk]

Is the glass half full or half empty??? It's your choice, be happy or sad. By the way, I talk to myself all the time, I'm the only one who really listens.

 

[bckwht]

stone, I could not have described myself better..every aspect of that post fits me to the T...I feel the exact same when i go out in public its insane that you just posted that..I just sit back feeling like im almost a being looking through my eyes from within, I have so many thoughts racing through my head, always checking around to see where people are and what they do, how they operate..its almost creepy for me and i dont actually love going out into the public..i could go on but theres no use as its the same thing you go through..the nowhere stair, laughter, smiles, etc..

I have so much to say to you about this post but the majority of my thoughts have already been said in your original post

for what its worth, I thought that was an extremely well written post haha like how it was put together

 

[fishwhistle]

Did i accidentally go to RIU?

 

[bckwht]

no but maybe you should waste posts over there not here

 

[st0ne]

Thanks everyone.

I consider myself a writer. My grandmother once told me to keep a journal, "because when you get old, you forget the intricacies of your thoughts when you were young."
As a child I led a sheltered life, and yet upon hearing stories of travel by my father I aspired to do the same. Innocence was something I set out to kill, and I consider myself successful. I have seen poverty, suffering, exploitation, death even, and yet; I have also experienced unimaginable beauty.

While I have always been leery of posting my thoughts, I am grateful for the positive feedback. We live in volatile times, and I feel blessed to be apart of a community of like minded thinkers. Here is an updated composition of the above, I hope you enjoy it.

...

Ever have the thought of checking yourself into an insane asylum?
I once read that many who do aren't insane at all, yet are simply unable to cope with reality.
Brilliant, yet perhaps they delve too deep. Unable to return to the role of a functioning member of society.

I often go days without leaving my house, and when I do it is a surreal experience. Hyper aware, yet with an autistic nowhere stare. Smiling and laughing at inappropriate moments. Talking to myself. Paranoid. Seeing beyond the fabric of everyday life, and with it the system for what it really is.

Standing in a lineup at the bank, I absorb the scene from my peripheral vision. The lowly midget who sells crack for a living. The ethnic minority. The pretty girl who notices me, yet pretends not to. Meanwhile behind my groomed appearance and wild eyes, I think of the Rothschilds and their banking dynasty dating back two hundred and fifty years. Yes, lets deposit our hard earned money; allowing them to loan it back to us ten fold with interest. Fractional reserve banking; a complicated scheme of slavery where the few gain from the masses. Brilliant, and yet I wonder if the others see beyond the clean decor and passive music. Do the tellers with their 9 to 5 jobs? Do the patrons who are simply trying to get by?

Somehow I doubt it, and yet, that is the purpose.
To keep us preoccupied, so we don't ask questions like:

Why am I depressed?
Why is it so hard to survive?
Why does the economy fluctuate like the wind, rendering lifetimes of work invalid?
Why is our environment fucked?
Why do thirty thousand children die from hunger a day, while others cruise around on four hundred million dollar yachts?
Why do we aspire for such?
Why is there rampant violence and crime?
Why doesn't our education system foster individual creativity, wisdom, and growth?
Why do we hold so tightly to segregated classes, races, and religions, when we are all one?
Why are our central bank/corporate sponsored governments trying to control the entire world? Destroying democratic nations and murdering hundreds of thousands of men, women and children, only to impose fascist dictatorships and rape countries of it's resources.

Our resources?

.. oh, because they want what we have, because that's the way it's always been, because they're poor, or they're brown, or they're Muslims! Terrorists!
Who's the terrorist? Have a look. History is an open book, yet propaganda is rife.

I recently watched a documentary of a futurist named Jacque Fresco who tore into our society, stating that we are disgustingly primitive in development.
A society of barbarians that act solely for profit and power.

We have a long way to go,
and yet, I believe in a better world.

 

[st0ne]

After Thailand I went into a depression lasting over two months. Days spent in my underwear; drunk, watching videos of Nicole Scherzinger on repeat.
The memory of beautiful beaches, yachts, gorgeous women, and the freedom of cruising along pristine coastlines on a motorcycle was too much to forget.

It's all brilliant in hindsight, and yet at the time I felt as if my life had suddenly died.

I am all for treating women with respect, and yet, somewhere along the way western women lost sensuality and seduction.
They became men. Equal; opinionated and domineering.

I believe sexes are different; I recently watched a show on Indonesia which believes there are five.
The male, the female, feminine male, the masculine female, and the hermaphrodite which they believe the perfect balance between.

I believe a relationship shouldn't be a business contract, yet should be passionate. There is beauty in a woman's role, as is there beauty in a mans role.
Hell, I'd be content in playing the housewife; if only I found attraction.

I see many women who crave a man, and yet;
They forgot how to be a woman.

Why would I settle for a fat North American bitch, when I could have a Ukrainian supermodel?
A Venezuelan, a Filipino, or a Thai girl who treats me like a king?

I'll treat her like my queen, yet I'll fucking die before I become a slave to some domineering overweight bitch.

Meow.

 

[true grit]

lol yeah shoulda seen the looks, comments and negativity I got from the last happy hour with some lady friends when i told them- yeah after traveling outta the US...think I'll pass on US women. I'd rather have a woman who appreciates her surroundings and what she has as opposed to american i deserve it all mentality of women here. They don't seem to realize that being "the woman" in a household absolutely does not mean they are a slave, used, treated poorly, or looked down upon. "Discussed" this for hours to no avail...so told em ill laugh all the way to the bank with a foreign supermodel ass chick that gets more than they do outta life!!!

and agreed on the foreign way of life in some places putting the american way to shame. though i love our freedom, ive been to numerous places in central/south america where i would be perfectly fine giving up whats here and living there....and at a fraction of the cost or even just working a normal life to maintain life on the beach!!! the US definitely gets ME caught up in money and material things, but often that drive is just to make enough to get the F outta here and to somewhere where i can truly be happy and stress free.

 

[Johhnydope48th]

Stone my Friend ur writing ability and wit are not in question and like u I've battled depression a large portion of my life since grade school actually . All these things build u think of what's wrong with the world and the people in it . I know in my life I have let people's ignorance and sheep like behavior send my feelings and demeanor in a wayward self destructive spiral. Still untill this day. But it's places like this and people like the ones that inhabit this forum that have helped prove to me that there are more open minded intellectuals in this world then previously believed . Jacque fresco is right the world is in humane and we ourselves are beasts. Animals and some Of us have a need to dominate Rothschild rockefellers etc. but as far as sophistacation they are the lesser evolved creatures ... Keep ur head up stone and find something to fight for my friend a passion like that deserves a worthy cause to pour it into !!!!!

 

[kolah]

Whoosh, there are a lot of issues to comment on. I'll touch on a few. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder many years ago. I get super high highs and super lows. It's a bit mad but it always runs it course and I deal with it without any real problems. Some of the greatest writers, artists and musicians were quite different than the norm (Van Gogh, Steinbeck, Einstein, Edison, John Lennon, etc). I myself have always walked the lesser roads....and struggled with it throughout my life. Finding your balance is key. Find people who share the same interests although that is often a challenge. (Internet is a big help). I do not fit into today's society and you sound quite similar. But actually I prefer it that way.

IMO the worse thing a person can do is get laced on anti-depressants and other pharma poison. Or get caught up in drug or booze addictions. Suppression of anything is bad effing news. Focus on the things you enjoy and find your balance. I have detached myself from this modern world as I feel as if I do not belong in it and I am dead-on right. So I do my own thing and in some ways I have just become a "spectator." I feel as though I would have fit better in the world that existed 300-400 years ago. And that's pretty much how I live my life. :)

Rothchilds, war, hunger, corrupt government and politicians, police state mentality, etc and all that other heavy stuff? It's the reality. Sometimes knowing the truth can be hard but I chose the truth over ignorant bliss. But one of the things these dark forces seem to enjoy is to create FEAR in people. Don't succumb to their bullshit. Live your life in happiness and find your place in the sun.

I don't know about you and any other folks but I kinda enjoy the "nutty" people, the crazies and the loonies who have different thoughts and ideas than the "normal person." They are not of the boring "cookie cutter" mentality which is so common today as many just seem to be "regurgitators" of whatever programming they are being fed (TV, newspaper, media, schooling, etc). But I don't think I would visit you if you were sitting around in your undies, Bub. Or staring into outerspace like David Putty (from Seinfeld) LOL

American women? If you have visited other countries or met foreign women there is NO comparison. (maybe american women think the same about us men, who knows)

Most of what we become is caused by the things that happen around us. We really have little control over that. There is saying which states:

1. "Let us realize that what happens around us is largely outside our control, but that
   the way we choose to react to it is inside our control." ~Anonymous

It's up to you to choose your own path. The things presented to you are just a lot smoke and mirrors dabbled with truth and realities. You have the free-will to sort it all out. You can create your own living hell right here on Earth or you can choose to bathe in heaven. It's up to you, bro-ski! I shoot for the stars. That's where my heaven exists....but it's right here on this big blue marble called Earth. I do not need to "die" to experience it. :)

 

[putembk]

At first I thought this thread was a joke but stone you have a lot to say and I think it is good therapy for you. You should keep sharing your thoughts with us, I find them interesting. I am bi-polar as well kolah so I understand exactly what you mean by highs and lows. I used to take anti-depressants for it but the side effects were as bad as the medication. I have withdrawn from the rat race and like being alone with my thoughts, hiking and fly fishing are perfect activities for solitude. I also believe that's why I like growing plants so much as well, I talk to my plants and they seem to understand. As far as todays society goes, the more I interact the madder I get.

 

[kolah]

And yes, growing ANYTHING is therapeutic. I got seedlings I am tending to and I probably (I shit you not) check on them 5-6 times per day. I chat with them, cheer them on and play guitar and sing for them. I am quite content with my gardens and my animals here on my little farm.

I find the best cure for depression and mental problems is WORK....physical work especially. But you have to do something you love. Sleep problems? Come with me, do some fishing and them split some wood (with a ax, no freaking machines) and I bet you'll sleep like a baby. Depressed? Lets go hiking and smell the sage and watch Nature in all Her glory. Modern people have a disease. It's called Nature Deficit Disorder. Especially children. Get out and watch the birds playing and working , listen to the rivers running, watch the clouds, observe the stars, build a fire, etc. I'd bet most people can't even start a g-damn fire if their lives depended on it. Hell I met a group of city kids who didn't know where eggs came from.

I have seen (in the last few years) more and more people starting to "disconnect" from this modern world. I hope it continues.

"It is sometimes more important to FEEL strong than to be strong."
~Christopher McCandless (from the true story "Into the Wild") . A great read (or movie) BTW.

 

[Johhnydope48th]

Kolah straight truth.

 

[st0ne]

Up and down; I must be Bipolar.
Perhaps I should get diagnosed, so I can legally take drugs. :)
Yet perhaps they wouldn't help, as I am already too far gone?

We're all fucked.
Many embrace it, and others choose to ignore it.

The way I see it, our outlook is based on a culmination of ignorance and understanding; negativity, and positivity. From these simplified and juxtaposed positions, only a few lead to bliss. That being "enlightenment." Beyond culture and religion, I choose to believe in universal understanding, compassion, and presence.

There are few among the flock.
..and still I continue to search.
Destroying myself in order to find myself.
Contentment. The truth.
Something to make it all worthwhile.

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth. Not going all the way and not starting.” - Buddha

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
-Helen Keller

Spirit is passionate;
without passion no one can be truly spiritual.
Loosen your grasp a little, and remember:
whatever you hold onto is already dead,
because it is past.
Die to every moment and you will discover
the gate to unending life.

Cheers everyone.
Look's like I'm not alone,

 

[bckwht]

This thread is great..kolah you sound like the person I met down in Orlando that helped me cope with all this info when I was first turned on to it, he kept saying I need to "find my balance" and how ignorance is bliss..at the time I couldnt quite follow what he was talking about but after a couple months of highs n lows ( yes I have manic depressive like symptoms) I was able to figure it all out much like the rest of us

Stone your recent writings sound just like my thoughts if I could only put them down on paper like u can..personally I have never been around the foreign women u speak of but my barber is hell bent on Russian women..he always says if he wanted a microwave operator then he will get an american woman lol

Jacque fresco is also someone that guy told me to read up on and the Venus project is great! Why don't we embrace thinking like fresco?

Anyways the people in this thread have helped me with the ability to cope w reality bc at the end of a manic day where all I'm thinking about is how fucked we are and my thoughts range from. Rockefellers to haarp then to gmo..so overwhelming and it sure hasn't helped my relationship w the lady, I'm def surrounded by people that choose the blue pill daily; however, I have 1 friend who knows what's up and at times my mania almost drives him away, I get so frustrated/excited that My body starts sweating hard from the pitts then I get so jittery that I have trouble talking bc I'm taking such small breaths in so it makes me sound choppy n out of breath..like I'm trying so hard to calmly say it but in reality I'm almost experiencing mini anxiety attacks.. It's hard on me for sure but I refuse to buy into all the bs out there anymore

Pheww I needed that haha time to smoke n relax for the day..penguins vs flyers should keep my mind off things..seems like hockey is the only real sport left, it still has its issues but football, basket, baseball have and continue to be ruined by money..I still believe football is changing solely to protect there investments like Brady who is untouchable on the field or in basketball how commissioners step in and make trades lol then of course lie to make it seem another way

 

[kolah]

All great posts.

Great quotes as well, St0ne. Helen Keller was not some sweet little innocent blind chick. She had some pretty powerful statements and politico views...nothing like I was taught in our brainwashed government schooling "programs."

Buckwheat, I too am a big hockey fan...and support my old hometown team, the Buffalo Sabres.

Sometimes it is ourselves that become our worst enemy. I think much of it is low self-esteem and "performance issues" where we often do things only because it is what is expected of us...or what is considered "the norm." I say fuck it and do your own thing.

I like that pic of that young babe but would like her better with smaller boobs. She's got great hips too. Big fake boobs look so un-natural to me. IMO, she'd be smokin hot with a A or B cup.

 

[bckwht]

KolAh your avatar obviously reminds me of the movie, prob watched it 3-4 times previous before my awakening.. Just recently watched it and absolutely fell in love w th film, really gets me fired up inside almost like "Rudy" use to do to me as an athlete lol

Speaking of buffalo, I remember when the Pittsburgh fans gave a bigger applause to Ryan miller than Crosby after the USA vs Canada championship last winter Olympics and crosby won it in OT lol can't say I disagree w the great fans of pittsbirgh!

 

[Bluenote]

And now some of y'all have begun to penetrate the thin veneer of socalled " civilisation" to view the sordid , roiling guts underneath , to see the noxious , noisome monster who sets the stage of "appearances" in an effort to keep the population in a soporific daze of reduced clarity so they cannot become cognisant of what's actually happening to them.