I think your taking it way too personal my parenting comments where not directed to you at all more in defense of my mom, and you insulted a religion for no good reason other then to try and stereotype me and build a strawman to attack..... Also I am a Muslim if you must know, never would I judge you or what you have done or did not do for your kids that would be very ignorant on my part since im not God I dont know you or your situation.
Perhaps I am taking it too personally, but when you quote me and follow with the response you did, it reads
only as you addressing me specifically.
I don't see any other mothers talking about this. Mothers who've got special needs kids...? Nope, not seein' those, either. Moms with experience, vast experience, in this particular area? Again, nope.
Do Muslims believe that the DSM-IV is nothing but made up mental disorders? What do Muslims believe about mental health problems, learning disabilities, etcetera? Because when you got on your bit about how all you needed was good old-fashioned mothering/parenting, that really reads like a Scientologist to me. I don't think it qualifies as a religion, either. It definitely qualifies as a cult.
I think your more upset because I don't agree with your methods but let me state this agin I was sharing a story about my experience with ADHD not yours or your kids.
If you don't actually know my methods, I can't be angry with you for not agreeing with them, can I?
What specifically pissed me off is you quoting me and then launching into a lecture the way you did. I'll reiterate, you know nothing of the situation that I was experiencing with my children. I don't believe in simply hitting a child (anymore), because I've been down that road and it not only wasn't effective, I felt it bordered on abuse if not crossing the line. You did more than just describe what you experienced, you made judgements about those who do differently. And THAT is what will always piss me off.
I did say "Now of course this was my life situation and I wouldn't judge others who feel that pills is the only route they have left with there children or them selfs, but I feel too many parents use pills to calm there kids down rather then doing that thing called parenting."
You can say you don't judge others, but reading your words they become precisely that. Judgement.
and your perfectly right about spanking doesn't cure all kids OF course your right! but doesnt teach them anything? I think your wrong, kids learn very quickly about consequence of there actions, a quality I dont think most adults have anymore.. once again I was sharing my story not trying to put you down or state absolute truths, since absolute truths are the qualities of the weak minded and fanatical.
Oh, spanking teaches a child something. It teaches them that if they're frustrated or angry, they can physically lash out. Why? Because, that's the time when they themselves receive such punishment. And that's completely different from slapping the hand of a child who's about to stick a hair pin into an electrical outlet, or who's almost dashed out into the street into oncoming traffic, or has squashed a lizard.
I'm not just a mother, I'm a grandmother. And I haven't only raised my
own children, I've helped raise nephews, a niece and the unrelated children of other people. I honestly and truly think that someone like myself, someone who can, has, and will taken in other people's kids, someone who has experience and put her money precisely where her mouth is has a much better grasp of all of this than someone who can only speak to how their mother treated them for their ADD/ADHD.
But, let me, as briefly as I'm able, outline the methods that I used with specifically the youngest boy, the Touretter, who became a serious behavioral problem by the time he was 2yo, and then began ticcing at age 4. The problems that came early on were things like very poor social interaction, ooor to the point of hurting other children (which, I guaran-fucking-TEE you, will piss off other parents, and then you become concerned about what
they may do to your child. Try telling me you're only going to spank that child as a solution to the problem). Hyperactivity that bordered on insanity.
First, trips to the doctor. He doesn't see anything because the child is well behaved in the office, so no referral to psychologist or anyone for evaluation. More trips to the doctor, finally referral to psychologist (not psychiatrist, hoping you and others are following along here and know the differences). Psychologist makes referral. Then, trips to occupational therapists.
In the meantime, marriage splits up, Mom needs to work. But Mom can't because no child care facility will accept this child. Mom can't find a reliable babysitter, so Mom still can't work. Kindergarten rolls around, child is
this close to being kicked out of kindergarten, and grandmother and Mom discover an educational program at UC Irvine devised specifically for kids like this. Costs plenty money, grandparents help Mom who can't work pay for it, it helps as long as 'the program' is followed (strict scheduling of activities, taught cues and methods for redirecting and helping child stay on-task, I bet you're familiar with that term, ain't ya?). Kid is removed from public kindergarten (they applauded when he left, I'm sure) and put into program. No meds at this point.
First grade rolls around and child enters public school. Public school teachers, staff, and faculty have NO behavioral training, no training on how to deal with common disorders. Problems get out of control, and my 1st grader is accused of sexual harassment. Things got really fun after that, but to make what's taken a lifetime to occur as short as possible, my discovery of coffee making him calm down when he was 3yo and it becoming part of our bedtime ritual in combination with what were becoming huge behavioral problems that were nicely capped off by ADHD, this boy ended up on meds. AND THEY HELPED TREMENDOUSLY.
But, if the school isn't willing, isn't prepared, to do anything with a more difficult child except stick them in the special education class, which has a specific curriculum and methodology that's not tailored for an intelligent, but very hyperactive and twitchy/touchy child, then more problems are sure to occur. Yes, teacher training, what a concept. I expect it and the law actually requires it.
This child ended up being kicked out of public school in 3rd grade after another incident in which he was accused of sexual harassment. See, he had a couple of really problematic tics, one was spitting and the other was touching people after counting. He focused on the girls he liked, and boy did that turn into a world of trouble.
I cannot tell you how many times I had people tell me I needed to spank my children more. But if I spank them so hard that I hurt myself, what's happening there? I felt, and still believe, that qualifies as abuse. Besides, as a single mother of boys, how long is physical retribution going to be productive, going to get desired results? They got bigger than me pretty quickly. The district supervisor where my boys went to school sat in a meeting and told me that my otherwise normal child belonged in an institution, where he could be kept away from the general population. Honestly, I'd rather have given them pills!
There is so much more about this entire subject that I could say, but this response has already become lengthy enough as it is.
