Akorn, Mk Ultra Grow..

[G gnome]

This isn't going out to you jipp....

But..... relapsing happens. Who knows it might be a part of the process but I don't know.

As long as your moving forward.... making positive steps and choices your going to get there man.

Hope you feel better dude. I have heard of PAWS before I think it's called. Not really withdraws but maybe the memory of those withdraws.

In a few weeks I will have two years off opiates. Second year is way better than the first but at the year mark I was doing ok.....haha till I broke my ankle.

Fuck me man.... I was so terrified of going to the ER and having them give me pills.... I didn't go and WALKED around on a broken, swollen, purple ankle- foot- leg for five weeks.... until it started to heal.... then BROKE again.

Then I went to the doctors. No pills just pain.

You will get there Jipp....

Your mind is sometimes your worst enemy...

Good to hear ur doin it man!

I personally think that relapsing is part of the process. I fucked up time and time again b4 i got right. It definitely sets u back but ime its all part of coming out of it.
I lost everything in the process and am still rebuilding but my life is better than ever now w about 6yrs clean.

 

[jipp]

What do u mean u didnt know oxys were what they r? Ignorant? No, deluded.



So in the last year u haven't taken any maintenance medications, or had a single relapse?

\
i have not had a relapse, hell i was stuck behind my desk for 3 months or whatever i could not even move. i get 500.00 a month, i cant ven afford weed how the fuck coul,d i find street drugs even if i knew someone. yeah man, nothing.. just weed.

yeah man i have not had a relasps or any kind of that meds.. iv only had weed.


deledued i am.

 

[G gnome]

\
i have not had a relapse, hell i was stuck behind my desk for 3 months or whatever i could not even move. i get 500.00 a month, i cant ven afford weed how the fuck coul,d i find street drugs even if i knew someone. yeah man, nothing.. just weed.

yeah man i have not had a relasps or any kind of that meds.. iv only had weed.


deledued i am.

I guess i was just a resourceful junky...idk

Since when did lack of funds ever stop an addict from getting high?

 

[jipp]

anyhow, im gonna bust the 5mm anurziem behind my left eye with this fucking stress.

roated plants little bit ago.. water them yesterday. have to water fatso ( afghan ) later today. feed the plants in the flower tent tonight.

plants healthy at least i guess.

 

[jipp]

I guess i was just a resourceful junky...idk

Since when did lack of funds ever stop an addict from getting high?

it stopped me from it.

 

[jipp]

i suck, im no good at anything even being a druggie i guess.

 

[stiffneck]

Good to hear ur doin it man!

I personally think that relapsing is part of the process. I fucked up time and time again b4 i got right. It definitely sets u back but ime its all part of coming out of it.
I lost everything in the process and am still rebuilding but my life is better than ever now w about 6yrs clean.

6 yrs.... fuck yeah dude. High five and a hug.

The mind fuck is pretty terrible getting off that shit. Especially if your truly in some kind of physical pain. Now your in withdraws and truly hurting.

Your mind will tell you it's ok... your doctor gave them to you.... it's for pain..... your not a drug addict.

It's so insidious. Sometimes your mind or other self is your enemy. At least where opiates are concerned.

In the five years before I finally quit I tried numerous times to stop putting those pills in my body. It always ended in failure, sadness and ultimately just more pain.

I am not sure if drug treatment centers work or not. Never been to one. But.... I am a FIRM believer that nobody and I mean NOBODY can do it for you. Not your wife, girlfriend, kids, whatever.

You got to reach real fucking deep and figure out just why your taking whatever your taking.

For me..... I knew I needed to get pretty fucking deep.... cause I was really really addicted to opiates.

Psychedelics always played a part in my younger years and I always knew deep down there was a purpose and real need for these substances.

So.... I took a rather large dose of LSD and I changed my life.

Keep moving forward Jipp....

 

[jipp]

lets move this topic on. im not a addict off the pills.

i have no desire for a pill. i really do not.

 

[G gnome]

it stopped me from it.

Alright man...im just trying to help u . U just keep doin what ur doin cuz its workin so well. 1 yr of withdrawals...gimme a fuckin break

 

[G gnome]

6 yrs.... fuck yeah dude. High five and a hug.

The mind fuck is pretty terrible getting off that shit. Especially if your truly in some kind of physical pain. Now your in withdraws and truly hurting.

Your mind will tell you it's ok... your doctor gave them to you.... it's for pain..... your not a drug addict.

It's so insidious. Sometimes your mind or other self is your enemy. At least where opiates are concerned.

In the five years before I finally quit I tried numerous times to stop putting those pills in my body. It always ended in failure, sadness and ultimately just more pain.

I am not sure if drug treatment centers work or not. Never been to one. But.... I am a FIRM believer that nobody and I mean NOBODY can do it for you. Not your wife, girlfriend, kids, whatever.

You got to reach real fucking deep and figure out just why your taking whatever your taking.

For me..... I knew I needed to get pretty fucking deep.... cause I was really really addicted to opiates.

Psychedelics always played a part in my younger years and I always knew deep down there was a purpose and real need for these substances.

So.... I took a rather large dose of LSD and I changed my life.

Keep moving forward Jipp....

Cudnt say it better man...its hard to be honest w urself...def the biggest hurdle

 

[jipp]

i8 wont fucking call the shit withdrawals then..

im sick from the damage from the pills, is that ok with you?

 

[G gnome]

i8 wont fucking call the shit withdrawals then..

im sick from the damage from the pills, is that ok with you?

Whatever u gotta tell urself....wish u cud hear how u sound

 

[Farmer P]

Just talked to my homie yesterday, he said no methodone since wednesday! Said he is having some pretty intense sensations. Hope he sticks with it. I went down a couple weeks ago and set up his tent and lights and planted a bunch of seeds for him which are doing well. Said his wife is taking care of them for him right now while he detoxes. I like to think the plants caused him to decide to quit. Something better to think about.

 

[jipp]

hope he is able to do it. if he has a good wife im sure he will make it.

 

[oldskol4evr]

it stopped me from it.

i look at this in a difrent way than most i guess,you said it right there,gnome has a point,,im talking about me here,ive gone threw enough shit in my life for several others,i LOVE GETTING HIGH and even broke a doctor would provide me with a happy high,i made it into a regretful high,when i got to 8 a day,with age and stupid ,the body not only breaks down ,it shows it,,addicted hell no on any drug or fluid i have done ,and in every method ,other than neddles,,so it is your choice what you do and how ,along with how much,because down to the nut,even if you didnt know what they were you enjoyed how they made you feel first time,and all drugs are designed to keep you buying all your day,,abuse is more like it,WE ALL GUILTY made the desicion like men and women to do what we like

 

[oldskol4evr]

i8 wont fucking call the shit withdrawals then..

im sick from the damage from the pills, is that ok with you?

first baby step,congrads

 

[GrowGod]

I think it’s the mental war your having problems with jipp. You need something to make your self move forward. You are having way to many down days.
Have you thought about a part time job? Just something to get you rolling. I think if you got a job and see people are depending on you to show up be productive positive attitude it will help with the depression. And you will have more money so you can smoke more weed and oil!
The mental side of being productive really pays off.
I do hope that you have stuck to your word and stayed off the pills for your own sake. You have nothing to prove to any of us.

 

[SimplyCmplex]

ok, im proud of this plant.

blue cookies deserves his own page for a few posts, anyhow instead of being tossed in the back ground.
so, here is blue cookies from @SimplyCmplex. grab some they are good. :p

This is such a bad ass plant. Send me better pics if she's still alive. I'm pretty much done with the farm. I'll miss a bunch of you fine people. I just no longer support anything Logic does or stands for. It's opposite of everything I've learned as a breeder and respect for this amazing plant. I don't think dollar signs when I think of her...nor stepping on the backs of other growers/breeders hard work to promote my work...all just for making a buck.