Bag Seed Hunting & The Lst Adventure

[jipp]

There is no bad to forget and that makes it worse.

If we Hated each other it would be so much easier to disconnect.

I'm just struggling to find motivation to get started picking myself up. The wound is still raw

yeah that does make it tougher for sure. stay strong, keep your mind busy ( hah, preaching my own shitty actions.. trying to keep my mind busy for this depression shit). and i would say time would help, but to me that is only half of it. as things do get better with time but only when you work on making it better.

you will pull through this. what other choice do we have.

im doing ok, pain sucks today. but this evening when lights com eon i hopefully will have my tent fully setup with drip pan, able to water from my chair, and if all goes well they wont stretch to the fucking ceiling. heh.

chris.
chris.

 

[jipp]

well the 93 afgani is coming back to life finally.. decided to grow up instead of roots. laughs.

them first leafs sure got fucked up by growing tap root up tho.

i have bad luck with seeds wanting to grow tap root up. laughs.

 

[Farmer P]

Right on, looks like short bus is comin around. Little mornin music for ya.

 

[jipp]

Right on, looks like short bus is comin around. Little mornin music for ya.

good tune. you know the big bottom afgani is growing even bigger leafs.. im told they can change in flower.. but damn this is just getting stupid for leaf size on such a little seedling. shrugs.

 

[mandalaman]

@rmoltis

You're an amazing person. You're in my thoughts. You should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to express your inner turmoil her for us. You should be proud of yourself for being honorable enough to not hold resentment in a situation that you would easily be forgiven for doing so. You should be proud of yourself for being self aware enough to know what your struggles are going to be moving through this situation. And you should be confident enough in yourself to know that despite the difficulty, you will get by, you will thrive. As @jipp said - one day at a time. We're all here for you.

 

[Farmer P]

My X wife of 10 years one day came out of the blue and said she hated me and wanted to split up. I was devastated. Felt like someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it. It gets better with time. Kind of like any addiction. Don't be too hard on yourself, obviously she's not innocent and could have handled it in a better way. You will find someone better. You've got plenty of friends here pullin for ya.

 

[rmoltis]

Some things written during my lowest possible low today, on the brink of losing myself in my mind.



I know that, and I had to tell you.
I tried to abstain. But I just gave in to temptation. I now know for sure from experience. That what I knew before about it not helping the problem. Was completely true. If I would have listened to my guidance from within. I wouldn't be here right now. But I'm really trying to walk the path of righteousness. And at this moment in time I feel like I am really in need. This situation is harder than I ever even thought that I could realize. I feel like I am at the point where I am at the crossroads of a transitional point. And depending on which path I choose. It will either one end up great or very horrible.

Nothing drastic. I guess I'm speaking symbolically with describing how might life path may lead

I just sent this to her " on the spur of the moment My friend and I agreed to this point that I have been having a hard time to deal with. I asked my friend to give me a ride to drive me around to help take my mind off of things. And without any sort of suggestion the first place that he felt would go. Was the Park where we got married. I'm out here trying to soak this all in. And to try to remember all of the wonderful things that we had together. It is just so very hard. Almost impossible to deal with. But I'm really trying to walk the path of righteousness and it's so very hard I love you so much I'm going to miss you so terribly but if you really don't think that I have one last chance with you that I just have to let you go "

I'm doing my best to respect your decisions to not cross any boundaries and to not do anything in any negative way in any sort to you. I only hope the best for you and your true happiness. I am just very devastated that it was not with me

I really hope then if I can continue trying to let you go. That overtime at least you can form a mutual respect for me. It is just so very hard almost impossible to deal with.



My spirit is crushed, and my self respect is demolished. But I will do my best to continue to walk the path of righteousness of heart

And I agree completely. I can only hope that maybe in time if she determines that there is a point where she wants to settle and commit in the long-term relationship. If there was a no one around her at the time and the stars align maybe she would be willing to give us a second run sometime in the future. I would be willing to take her back without hesitation because I believe that she is my true love possibly even my soulmate. But for now all I can try to do even as hard as it seems. I must somehow learn to move forward with my life. It is just so very hard almost impossible to deal with. But I love her so much that I feel like I owe it to her to be this support of in life chasing all of her dreams of happiness

This seems to ring true to what my heart has been telling me this whole time and I know that if I continue to listen to it the answers will be delivered to me. I know all these things are true but it doesn't make it any easier it is just still so very hard and almost impossible to deal with but as long as I remain good and true to my heart it usually tends to bring me towards true happiness it just takes time and it's so very hard to deal with

At my lowest point today. There was a point where the things that I was speaking we're being spoken with such clarity and accuracy on the level to which I have not spoken since I move to this city. I strongly believe that there was somebody looking over me and delivering messages through me in my time of need. They were offering me the wisdom and the insight to see the truth and to guide me on my path of righteousness. And I'm so very glad that they were there for me. I don't know if it was a lover deceased in my past life or maybe a family member. Maybe even a pet the point is I'm not sure but whatever happened I was very appreciative of the wisdom delivered to me at my time of crisis.

 

[rmoltis]

The hardest thing for me to do once I'm over things.

Is where do I go to find good women like she was?

Having no friends or support group makes it extra hard.

I always sucked at picking up women lol.

 

[EventHorizan]

The hardest thing for me to do once I'm over things.

Is where do I go to find good women like she was?

Having no friends or support group makes it extra hard.

I always sucked at picking up women lol.

Bro,,, I hope I don't come off to brash here. Dang it....You seem like a good dude! Everything in life is about perception. Nothing is real. How you perceive yourself is how you think everyone see's you. What I heard you say right there, is where am I gonna find somebody that will be interested in me.. And that is counterproductive, considering you have feelings of failure, with the relationship. It just re-instills that negative thought pattern.
Don't even worry about that right now... Just deal with the things you can control...
Work, take care of them plants, and set some personal goals... Maybe a year on your own, will give you new insight into what you want out of your future...

And buy a house,,, women love men with houses lol!

 

[rmoltis]

Bro,,, I hope I don't come off to brash here. Dang it....You seem like a good dude! Everything in life is about perception. Nothing is real. How you perceive yourself is how you think everyone see's you. What I heard you say right there, is where am I gonna find somebody that will be interested in me.. And that is counterproductive, considering you have feelings of failure, with the relationship. It just re-instills that negative thought pattern.
Don't even worry about that right now... Just deal with the things you can control...
Work, take care of them plants, and set some personal goals... Maybe a year on your own, will give you new insight into what you want out of your future...

And buy a house,,, women love men with houses lol!

I like being free.

But I'm never truly happy until I have someone close to me. It's who I am.

I am a family style man craving a long term relationship.

I can't handle a full year of being single lol. My 2 last relationships spanned 13 years.

Being alone is the worst.
I'm not saying I'm starting now.

But I need to prepare for how and where to find themwhen I am ready. Cause I'm super rusty at dating

 

[EventHorizan]

Bro,,, I hope I don't come off to brash here. Dang it....You seem like a good dude! Everything in life is about perception. Nothing is real. How you perceive yourself is how you think everyone see's you. What I heard you say right there, is where am I gonna find somebody that will be interested in me.. And that is counterproductive, considering you have feelings of failure, with the relationship. It just re-instills that negative thought pattern.
Don't even worry about that right now... Just deal with the things you can control...
Work, take care of them plants, and set some personal goals... Maybe a year on your own, will give you new insight into what you want out of your future...

And buy a house,,, women love men with houses lol!

I reread my post, and just wanted to add this to it, to give it more understanding....

When I think back, what I miss the most isnt no females, or Ex's,,, instead it wasted opportunities to further my life.. You can either work hard when you are young, or when your old,, and its a lot easier when your young!

 

[EventHorizan]

I can't handle a full year of being single lol

I understand,,, bless ur heart....:eyepiece:

 

[rmoltis]

I reread my post, and just wanted to add this to it, to give it more understanding....

When I think back, what I miss the most isnt no females, or Ex's,,, instead it wasted opportunities to further my life.. You can either work hard when you are young, or when your old,, and its a lot easier when your young!

I've been working hard since I was 14.
And even in relationships it never stopped.

Even if I started a new relationship.
I would still grind hard working.

For an average Joe actually make pretty good money. About $28 per hr.

My goal is stacking cash always for my future.

 

[Farmer P]

Maybe a part time 2nd job somewhere that employs a lot of women. Get you a good working girl. That's how I found my current wife. Remember women love attention and compliments. I really like your hair or eyes etc.

 

[Broken]

I will pray for your mind and heart for guidance and healing. I can see how farming has been taking my time and its at a time for me that me and my wife seem farthest apart. I hope to make more time for her even though it is not my biggest problem. We have been together 27 years.

Remember the only person we can change or control is our self.

All the best brother

 

[mandalaman]

The hardest thing for me to do once I'm over things.

Is where do I go to find good women like she was?

Having no friends or support group makes it extra hard.

I always sucked at picking up women lol.

This is something that goes through everyone's mind for sure. The thing I've found most true is if you're actively looking you're going to get discouraged. But when you just do you and go about your daily life. When you're least expecting it. You'll find the next mrs. Right. She's out there my man :D

 

[mandalaman]

While you may not think you're able to handle a year of being single, I know you can handle 365 days of it. You just find your groove man. I know you will.

 

[rmoltis]

While you may not think you're able to handle a year of being single, I know you can handle 365 days of it. You just find your groove man. I know you will.

It sounds good.

I've had strong anxiety for 5 days straight now, coupled with little sleep and no eating the first 4 days.

My heart is tired and hurts very much (literally). I'm not sure how much more it can take before it gives out.

 

[Ecompost]

well the 93 afgani is coming back to life finally.. decided to grow up instead of roots. laughs.

them first leafs sure got fucked up by growing tap root up tho.

i have bad luck with seeds wanting to grow tap root up. laughs.

lay them on there side and this way they will make their own way and avoid accidental upside downness by the likes of me :-)

 

[Ecompost]

Maybe a part time 2nd job somewhere that employs a lot of women. Get you a good working girl. That's how I found my current wife. Remember women love attention and compliments. I really like your hair or eyes etc.

yo just go to the supermarket man, there are loads of chicks in supermarkets over here, if I was single LOL