"chuck norris" jokes.......

[negative 1]

ok one more unrelated chuck joke,

a boy comes home from school and says dad, we got this homework assignment that we have to describe the differance between theoretical and actual. the father says "son, ask your mama if she'd do the milkman for a million bucks." the boy does and the father says "alright son go ask your sister if she'd do the mailman for a million." the boy does and comes runnin back, boy papa your right she said she'd do it!
the father witth a stern look says "now son, theoreticaly we's millionaires, actually, your mom and sisters a couple a tramps!"

 

[negative 1]

chuck norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condum!

 

[7rayos]

Pablo Escobar, a keen golfer, asked Chuck for a round.

When George W Bush was laughed at in Washington for his funny walk, he said "they say i walk like a monkey. In Texas we call that... Walker"

...and on the seventh day He rested. Then Chuck said, "wait a minute"...

Chuck Norris is an actor.

Chuck can crack a joke. Or anybody else, for that matter.

Chuck lost just one fight to Bruce Lee, who was soon mysteriously killed. Whichever way geddit, no one beats Chuck.

Chuck Norris came to Spain once. Swimming.

Chuck Norris went to the Grand Ole Opry to play country music. With his log and chainsaw.

How does Chuck calls a 32" waist 501's? Skirt

Snapshots of Chuck at an early age: Buffalo Bill Cody killed 4862 bisons, but in the midst of the massacre, Chuck's mother hid him in a cave.

During a visit to Hollywood, he was most impressed by Dolph Lundgren acting skills.

Chuck finest moment: "Give me a strongpoint, and i'll kick ass".

Got a trouble? Ask Chuck.

 

[negative 1]

chuck orris once fought bruce lee, he roundhouse kicked him so hard, bruce split in two and is now known as jet li and jackie chan

 

[punkadc]

chuck orris once fought bruce lee, he roundhouse kicked him so hard, bruce split in two and is now known as jet li and jackie chan

lol....never heard that one..:D

 

[negative 1]

chuck norris dosn't churn butter he roundhouse kicks the cows and straight butter comes out.

chuck norris and mr. t walk into a bar, it immediatley falls to the ground. that level of awesome can not be contained in one place.

 

[negative 1]

ok last one then i'll stop....
if you play led zeppelins stairway to heaven backwards you will hear chuck norris banging your sister

 

[punkadc]

Lol:D

 

[frankie-smiles]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

or

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

I've got more

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

and

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

one more and I'll stop.

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

I could do this all day.

 

[negative 1]

chuck norris knows how to make his dick 10 inches long, he folds it in half.....

mr. t pitys the fool, chuck norris kills them.

 

[Fear]

Are these jokes because Chuck wants to be the president of the country Texas?

 

[7rayos]

Chuck Norris is the president of Texas.
After the hit success Blade Runner (inspired on the life of Chuck, as most action movies) the people wanted badly a sequel. However, in order to save the madness of replicants running amok again, he went to Harvard in 1995 and killed Tyrell, then a promising student of genetics. As a result, Blade Runner II will be about Chuck Norris replicants getting LA rid of bent coppers and once the job it's done he'll get rid of them too. In fact, at the end there's only one special replicant left, almost as good as Chuck, which will be the main plot in Blade Runner III, where we will see during 130 minutes how Chuck fights with himself, and wins, no actors, no props, just a reflecting polished iron wall for special effects.
I wish there'd be more people like Chuck, he's got valves. Sorry, i mean values.

 

[negative 1]

chuck norris once challenged lance armstrong to a "who's got more testicals" challenge, chuck norris won, by 5

 

[7rayos]

# Enticed by the trend, Chuck opened his own seedbank and he created Chuckbud and Norris Haze. However, it didn't take off cos they were such powerful strains that test growers exploded and died after two tokes, only having enough time to mumble "thanks Chuck, t'was ace".
#-So, Chuck, did you ever do something wrong?
-Rightly so.

 

[negative 1]

chuck norris don't use visine, he uses tabasco sauce.

chuck norris created the twelve steps of recovery, they WERE how to recover from a roundhouse, unfortunatley everyone who used these steps became alcoholics.

 

[darksideX]

:muscle

 

[Beeronymous]

Brokeback Mountain is the name of that pile of dead bodies on Chucks lawn

 

[darksideX]

:character0103:

 

[7rayos]

Now, the heat is on again. As you can see, Chuck's impressive worldwide fame travels abroad.

 

[Gilpro]

Chuck Norris was the toughest white dude in the 80's, Love all his movies. I especially like the movie the Octagon, ninja training camps, Chuck's inner voice, classic stuff right there!