Daily humor thread!

[E.C.U.G]

I hope this one doesn't offend anyone if so i apologize in advance.

Whats the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?


A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out of it.

Oh man

 

[jeffadies]

This thread is gonna be epic!!

 

[E.C.U.G]

HAHA. Funny thing is I like my friends to know.

lol

 

[jeffadies]

Im with ya ron.. i just tell my friends they were hot. lol

 

[E.C.U.G]

Im with ya ron.. i just tell my friends they were hot. lol

LOL! never a dual moment bro!

~KMK~

 

[jeffadies]

LOL! never a dual moment bro!

~KMK~

Great freakin thread idea man..hahahah im dying over here.

 

[Cort]

So an Israeli and a dude from Czechoslovakia are out walking in the woods. A bear pops out and eats the Czech. The Israeli runs off to get help.

Park ranger shows up a bit later with 2 bears caged in the back of his truck. One female and one big male. He asks the Israeli which bear ate his buddy. Both looking the same, he picks the big male. Ranger cuts the bear open but finds nothing.

Moral of the story??




Never trust a Jew who says the Check is in the mail.




Sorry to pray on stereotypes, no hate intended.

 

[E.C.U.G]

lol

So an Israeli and a dude from Czechoslovakia are out walking in the woods. A bear pops out and eats the Czech. The Israeli runs off to get help.

Park ranger shows up a bit later with 2 bears caged in the back of his truck. One female and one big male. He asks the Israeli which bear ate his buddy. Both looking the same, he picks the big male. Ranger cuts the bear open but finds nothing.

Moral of the story??




Never trust a Jew who says the Check is in the mail.




Sorry to pray on stereotypes, no hate intended.

 

[E.C.U.G]

If a blond and a brunette jumped off of a building who would hit the ground first?


The brunette cause the blond had to stop and ask for directions.




what do you call a thousand blonds in a row? a wind tunnel!


~KMK~

 

[jeffadies]

so an israeli and a dude from czechoslovakia are out walking in the woods. A bear pops out and eats the czech. The israeli runs off to get help.

Park ranger shows up a bit later with 2 bears caged in the back of his truck. One female and one big male. He asks the israeli which bear ate his buddy. Both looking the same, he picks the big male. Ranger cuts the bear open but finds nothing.

Moral of the story??




Never trust a jew who says the check is in the mail.




Sorry to pray on stereotypes, no hate intended.

lmao!!

 

[Cort]

Speaking of snowmen....

You know what Frosty did when he heard the snow blower was coming?

Pulled down his pants.

 

[E.C.U.G]

Speaking of snowmen....

You know what Frosty did when he heard the snow blower was coming?

Pulled down his pants.

lmao

 

[420alldaze]

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah? What happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my dick stuck in the neck of the bottle." ;(

 

[420alldaze]

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.
lol 42o

 

[420alldaze]

Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney.

 

[E.C.U.G]

Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney.

Lmfao

 

[E.C.U.G]

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

~KMK~

 

[E.C.U.G]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

~KMK~

 

[E.C.U.G]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

~KMK~

 

[E.C.U.G]

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

~KMK~