We're not all savages and consumers.
One of my favorite quotes comes from a Walt Whitman poem that goes roughly-
I do not give lectures or charity, When I give I give myself.
Since I read that it's been in my head as a solid course of operation. Works out for the most part, just gotta keep small circles.
I've given years of my time and many tens of thousands of my dollars to try to benefit the commercial medical scene here and never really gotten much for it but taken advantage of. Made 1 or 2 solid friends though. But the real connections have been in private caregiving. Not talking industry connections, but real life human connection. What started as snobs who only wanted to smoke the best quality evolved into folks who only benefitted from the best quality. Crazy shift in clientele over the last decade.
Being a full time cannabis grower gives me plenty of free time, so I'm on call for a few geriatric/end of life patients, some of whom use cannabis, others not at all. Not particularly less fortunate, I feel they deserve a certain amount of dignity in their last few years and months while the human body becomes unmanageable.
Mostly I just provide transportation for appointments and groceries and the occasional game of 9 ball. A smiling face and a pot of hot soup every once in a while. Lots of hugs and recording details for inquiring family members. A lot of time it's just being available to listen.
Over the past year I've had the priviledge to offer my time to an exceptional couple of borderline octogenarian lovers, neither of whom can drive any longer. She is a magnificent oil painter and teacher who is dying of stomach cancer, which has made it's way around her system and is now attacking her lungs most aggressively. He's an aeronautical engineer/ rocket scientist who has suffered an unknown number of strokes (3 for sure, several subsequent shockwaves) since September and is steadily showing more signs of damage.
I've provided her with tincture and edibles and my time since she began chemo over a year ago, but the cancer has progressed, and now she must have her lungs drained quite frequently. Obviously she is having trouble breathing, so speaking is labored at best. Since he worked for Martin Marietta for many years and photographed several shuttle launches, his hearing is toast... Even with hearing aids conversation is generally more trouble than its worth. They've been together about 40 years but still live in separate homes, so most days since thanksgiving I've been driving him to her house and they sit together silently.
Sounds weird to say but it truly has been a privilege to witness- especially in the last couple weeks as they carry out their last dance. Shaky hands holding shaky hands and teary eyed smiles that last for hours. There's something magical about the connections that truly exist beyond realms of life and death, and seeing two folks together, knowing they are dying, knowing they lived the magic, the most sought after of human connections.... I know a lot of folks find that sad, but to me, it's quite beautiful.... and as a man not quite two years married, it is wholly inspiring. Their family expresses sincere truckloads of gratitude, but I've been pushing off any money they offer since I really do feel lucky to have spent this time with them, individually and as a couple.
I think Albert Schweitzer said: put your good where it does the most. I really like that, though I think it suggests that giving a few dollars here and there is a generally symbolic act.
