The Squiggly Shamelessly Asks For Your Help Megathread:

Squiggs here. For those of you who don't know me I was once a long time lurker, turned long time talker-too-mucher, turned short-lived moderator, turned shamed former-moderator--and generally speaking I've been a lurker again since then, lacking the personal fortitude to commit seppuku and absolve myself of shame.

I'm currently prototyping a new compost tea product. I plan to use this thread as a way to bounce ideas off people and access the boundless trove of wisdom and experience that is THCFarmer.

As a first request--as it stands now I'm looking for a method by which I can rapidly test while staying true to the methodology which is most widespread for brewing (specifically the vortex brewer).

Of course bucket brewers are also widely used, but what's at issue here is I'm after quality over quantity. I don't want to use 5 gallons every time I run an experiment. I'm interested in getting the end result under a microscope, not into a garden--not yet at least!

Anyway, I can develop a miniaturized bucket brewer in a snap--but I'm having difficulty sourcing good starting materials for a mini vortex, and wrapping my head around designs. I am, afterall, a scientist and decidedly not an engineer. I can change oil, tile floors, hang drywall, and do some great landscaping brickwork--but my engineering prowess ends there.

What I need:

I don't want to go too small, I think a 1.5g cone bottom form factor would be ideal for my purposes--but I can't find one for the life of me. Anything below 10 gallons with a cone bottom doesn't maintain the truly "conical" form factor which is needed to apply Bernouli's theory and get a vortex going. I don't want to go below 1 gallon brews because it will be hard to mimick conditions most brewers use as temperature fluctuations will play a much larger factor with smaller quantities of water.

Because I am no longer growing the pots (sadface), and likely won't be again till such a time it's legal for me to do so--I am happy (for once) to post some pictures of the building process for the apparatus I develop using any help I get here in case someone else wants to use a similar model for their own experiments down the line.

To recap:

1. Needs true conical shape.

2. Preferably ergonomically sized for 1 gallon brews and reasonably priced (I will need several units).

3. Pre fabricated stands (to elevate vessel) are a plus, though I'm not holding my breath.

4. Accepts common fittings so that I don't need to get too fussy with the engineering aspect of design. The closer to plug and play the better.

I am open to ANY and all suggestions here. Hopefully we can produce something that will be useful to more people than just myself by the time it's all said and done.

Thanks in advance brosephs and lady brosephs!!

Edited to add the following:

Disclaimer:

I intend to use this apparatus, and in part the information in this post, to develop a product. I intend to sell this product for money if my research suggests that it is worth the same. I do not intend to profiteer on any gardeners and would most certainly offer any THCFarmers a discount on any potential future product (unless economics simply did not allow for this).

That being said, if you think that's a dick move I'm not really interested in hearing your well thought out reasons why. I have considered this and would simply ask anyone who might feel there is a conflict not to contribute here.

If you simply must voice your disdain, please do keep it short and sweet.