SmithsJunk said:

Yeah, I remember watching news reports on your weather when I was stationed in NE. They don't do reports out here on you guys unless it's something bigger than normal or in the wrong season. Nebraska got cold with the wind chill taking it really low into the negatives. I remember it getting so cold the metal lightposts were snapping from a little wind. That doesn't happen out here, or those freakish lightning storms that never let the sky go dark.

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JWM2 said:

Yeah that’s how it was in north west Illinois too. I can’t believe how fucking cold it gets. Windchill at -40 routinely. The lake really shields us from a lot of that shit. I don’t think people in Michigan really appreciate it for what it does. In the summer it keeps tornados and severe thunderstorms at bay and in the winter it keeps the cold on the other side. For the most part anyway.

Sure we get lots of snow but hell once you’re used to dealing with it, it’s not that big of a deal. Just bundle up and get the snowblower out and drive slower on the roads and watch for black ice.

But in Illinois we had way more ice to deal with. While it’s pretty when it coats the trees and houses it’s also super dangerous and life threatening. Screw that.

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JWM2 said:

Shit that’s a baby in Michigan. I’ve seen icicles thicker than I am and stretching from the rooflines of two story homes down to the ground. We get lots of lake effect snow from Lake Michigan in the winter and a lot of older homes have shit for attic insulation. Most of our homes are vented to the attic as well.

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SmithsJunk said:

F^ck!!! I've been in some sh*t but never seen an icicle that big.

I feel ya man. I don't do well in crowds either. That RSDS doesn't just wreck my body it screws with my mind as well. My memory is effected and I'm stuck in a near constant state of "fight or flight". Makes it really hard to be social. People think I'm hyper but it's just this ongoing anxiety.

Yeah, good to get to know you too. You have a grow diary, a link?

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UncleRomulus said:

:p
Michigan would be a summer holiday for my brother. Would be running around with my shirt off most likely lol. It just occurred to me we are trying to brag about who lives in the shittier location haha good stuff

Man I know what you mean. That fight or flight. That’s where I live buddy.
I got a journal going called uncle romulus’ perpetual nightmare/uneven canopy. Not sure how to post a link.

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SmithsJunk said:

Cool, I'll find it by the title.

I'm not bragging at all, very happy to lose this contest. Hehehe.

Honestly though, I feel for you guys. I know you're proud of where you live but that's some harsh sh*t to deal with. The folks down in the Sac valley have it even easier than me, that is, till summer time. When they're at 110F, usually we're at 95-100F. 10-15F makes a huge difference for me. I don't do cold well but heat is my true nemesis.

Yeah, that PTSD is a b*tch. Like psychological virtual reality.

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UncleRomulus said:

Mental illness is like having cancer except everyone resents you for it and you sometimes hate yourself.. it’s frustrating when folks are like “just choose not to think like that” or “just pray more” it’s like bitch,do you think I like this shit!? You think I haven’t been like ‘what’s up God?’ Or you think I don’t start every day trying not to think of the futility of my useless existence, instead trying to look forward to the half joint from the night before and the expensive coffee I’ll be ingesting. People have a hard time admitting that it’s different for them. Like a spoiled rich kid being like “why can’t you afford it? It s not even that much money, man”

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CrimsonEcho said:

Oh man, was having intense panic attacks that made me come of as unstable too :) cannabis helped immensely. Alcohol just fucks the brain and the body. Its really sad that it is still more acceptable than cannabis while in reality it is literally a poison.

The mental shit is hard to sort out and even harder to live with and having friends who know better than the most helps a bit and growing is just a marvelous act that calms the brain. Any time i fell the panic setting in, i go to my plants to show some love :) its incredibly calming to me. Animals help too.

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SmithsJunk said:

I never had a real anxiety attack till this last summer but the mental symptoms of my illness seemed to have progressed. I couldn't sleep for two months. I mean I'd nod off and sh*t, but no real sleep. It felt like l was suffocating every time l fell asleep in bed and I'd wake up, scared out of my mind, feeling like I was dying. I'm claustrophobic and it was like it was multiplied a thousand times. Anything could trigger it. An elevator, a scene where someone is trapped in a movie, even a congested sinus or altitude pressure. Sh*t, I'm almost scared to talk about it. Like doing so might give it power again. It didn't make any sense but I couldn't logic my way out of it. Doesn't matter how much I told myself it wasn't real. I even tried explaining the phobia to myself to try and snap out of it and it made zero difference. My mind made it real to me. Not exactly sure what triggered I but it just went away as abruptly as it started.

I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. I'm glad it's gone and pray it never comes back. People who think it can be reasoned with haven't a clue. Crazy is the closest thing in this world to hell and my heart breaks for the people who suffer from insanity on an ongoing basis.

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CrimsonEcho said:

Well sanity is relative. As i said in another thread to you, its amazing that we’re keeping it cool eventho we’re moving towards complete nothingness :)

Now the ones who’re called sane are incapable of feeling this great nothingness and gaping emptiness that existence brings with it. Your symptoms are very close to mine and they are not fun, i know it first hand.

Just got to let go. No explaining makes it better as you said. Just have teach yourself to calm down and mostly distract yourself when your mood is shifting towards an unsettling one. Thats what kinda worked for me.

Hope you find mental peace in life. Its not about sanity but about finding peace in your insanity. Consciousness is the only reality there is. All other realities are so fragile because nothing is really real. Its just you as your consciousness in the middle of a supernova called time, experiencing what you created. No physical form, no death, no birth, nothing. None of it is real, not really :D thats the emptiness, subconscious knowledge of this truth.

So gotta learn to enjoy it. The only way i see that works is to stop telling yourself you’re crazy or unstable but embrace who you are.

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CrimsonEcho said:

Well sanity is relative. As i said in another thread to you, its amazing that we’re keeping it cool eventho we’re moving towards complete nothingness :)

Now the ones who’re called sane are incapable of feeling this great nothingness and gaping emptiness that existence brings with it. Your symptoms are very close to mine and they are not fun, i know it first hand.

Just got to let go. No explaining makes it better as you said. Just have teach yourself to calm down and mostly distract yourself when your mood is shifting towards an unsettling one. Thats what kinda worked for me.

Hope you find mental peace in life. Its not about sanity but about finding peace in your insanity. Consciousness is the only reality there is. All other realities are so fragile because nothing is really real. Its just you as your consciousness in the middle of a supernova called time, experiencing what you created. No physical form, no death, no birth, nothing. None of it is real, not really :D thats the emptiness, subconscious knowledge of this truth.

So gotta learn to enjoy it. The only way i see that works is to stop telling yourself you’re crazy or unstable but embrace who you are.

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SmithsJunk said:

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share your beliefs with me and I will never talk down about them. I don't even think down about them. Many people think that Christians are obstinate and unphilosophical. While I can't truly speak to whether that is true or not since I can't possibly know what is in any another person's mind, I definitely am not that way. While I won't debate philosophy on this forum. First, because it's not the appropriate place, and second, because I don't want to. Elememts of my faith will appear from time to time because that's the way I naturally talk/write and because we don't debate I feel comfortable enough here to talk/write in a natural way.

I feel ya. I do ponder the universe quite often and I know exactly what you mean. Being finite in four tangible, yet infinite, dimensions. The impossibility of consciousness yet the proof that it exists for the simple fact that we're pondering it's existence. Etc...

A crazed mind is not an abstract. I know this because my mind is broken. Crazy scares me and I'm not afraid of many things.

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UncleRomulus said:

Wise words. You won’t often hear me venting about this subject on public forum, but it happend organically. When you say distract yourself.. haha. I have a podcast going and I’m smoking as I type on my phone. Like I said earlier we all have our crosses to bare, but focusing on your own issues and obsessing definitely doesn’t help. But, with all do respect, there is a slight difference between ‘living after seeing through the looking-glass’ kind of crazy. And the ‘I can’t jump in the shower cause everyone I love will be murdered while I’m vulnerable’ or ‘I have 7-8 different trains of thought happening right now all at once plus auditory hallucinations’ kind of crazy.

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SmithsJunk said:

Was sick as a dog yesterday so didn't get any pics. Here's one through window cause it's too cold to open the tent. Will get better pictures when it's warmer today.
View attachment 845956

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CrimsonEcho said:

It looks like they really perked up after a little heat. Nice :)

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SmithsJunk said:

Thank you.

Yeah, it appears the temps had a great deal to do with the problems I was having in early flower. I don't know enough about nutes yet to be sure but I think being very cold can cause the potassium deficiency I was experiencing. I need to get my nose back in the books. I've been lazy this year relying more on gaining hands on experience but that's only half the process of becoming a competent grower. I'm tired of conversations on here going over my head. I'm barely able to discuss lighting with you. I still have no idea what "par" means. If I'm going to get the most out of this forum and properly give back then I can't afford to be ignorant any longer. The Cannabis Encyclopedia I have is okay but it's too general, outdated, and Cervantes isn't all that great at writing (or whoever was ghost writing it). It definitely wouldn't hurt me to read through the chapter on nutrients again. He has a chapter on lighting that he had an expert write. I haven't read it yet but it looked very technical. It maybe enough to give me a foundation to build on with more current material.

Most of the pollen flowers opened on Banana Ice Cream #4, the frosty one in the middle. My main goal with this grow was accomplished when I pollinated the Chocolate Nepal with them. I'll try to get some pics of fully open pollen flowers today if there are any. The ones on BIC#5 still haven't opened. I thought about plucking them since I'm not very impressed by this plant. Decided against it because there was so much variation among all the sisters that her offspring will likely show just as many dissimilarities.

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