Sorry peeps hassle ya Squig,but,ya know what dickheads are like...
Keep dreamin'!!!
Peace to you from Wizard of Oz.
You only have to please you,bro,be happy with yourself!

Thanks for all the love guys. I have one request:

Let's not make this about scapegoating other people, be it them not liking me, or politics, or whatever.

It takes two to tango and I played my part in what went down. I don't want this thread to be about airing dirty laundry.

Beyond that, if I do decide to come back (if/when the underlying circumstances change) I don't want ANY of the threads/posts I start/involve myself with to be about this type of thing in the future. This never should've been what the farm was about for me or for anyone else, and I screwed that up as much as anyone.

The tango saw several of us losing sight of that. I lost out because others have paid more dues than I have, it's as simple as that--and if the shoe had been on the other foot I can't say I wouldn't have agreed with it. The grass is always greener, as they say.

This type of thing is a big part of why I have to leave now and why my blood pressure slowly rises while I'm here. I just want it to go back to being about peace, love, and helping each other--and that's why I had to check out, because I ruined that for myself.

There is no blame game to be played here, and even if there is its my wish to see it squashed before it starts. It won't help to change the things I'd like to see changed, and it won't help to prevent someone else from experiencing what I did.

So if you really appreciate what I offered here, then show it by being gracious--as I'm trying to be. Trust that its difficult for me, too.

Love you guys and I can't tell you how much all of what you've said has lifted my spirits. I wish things were different.

Those of you who have praised my scientific and logical nature have made me feel wonderful. This was the legacy and reputation that was really important to me here. The rest of it is just a bunch of bullshit.

SuperCan said:

I don't think we can hope bridge the gap you leave but those of us who love science will do our best to take the torch.

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SuperCan, the one guy who doesn't know me has hit the nail on the head in terms of what my wishes are with regard to this. The best flattery is imitation. Keep it logical and don't let the people who make shit up, and make guesses about things which can be known implicitly, ruin other people's plants for their lack of want to read a book. This is how you can honor me (and how you might even win me back someday!).

ttystikk said:

I don't want to say goodbye. I value our friendship too much for that.

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The feeling is mutual times one million dude. Drop me a line in a PM with your email, or hit me up for mine if that makes you more comfortable. A sesh with you in the future would be a cherished life accomplishment so far as I'm concerned.

The same honestly goes for the rest of you as well.

Peace!

This is exactly why you shouldn't leave. Even in defeat you are eventually classy. I think we all know that you go too far sometimes, I know that won't offend you because you've said it yourself. Don't we all though?

The rest of what you do is just so helpful and really important in my opinion though. I don't think the people who 'hate on' you would be so gracious or classy if they lost a fight. It's easy to be classy when you're winning, or when the crowd, or a squad of 'haters', is with you. I know you don't want to make this about dirty laundry but I really don't think those people have it in them to do what you just did here and that speaks volumes. Come back soon, and thanks for quoting me that makes me feel awesome!!!!

How's your Ticker tickin?

Listen to ya heart,Squigs!
Take it easy on yourself and others,it's ALL an illusion.
Remember what's important;
die happy;try to tie up loose ends;
die happy;try to be there for the right loved ones;
die happy;try not to hurt yourself;
die happy;try not to hurt others;
die happy...it's all an illusion.
From Wizard of Oz.

caregiverken said:

How's your Ticker tickin?

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Actually it's ticking pretty damn good--I got a second round of holter monitor results back today and they looked fairly normal (looks like the healthy diet has helped some!!!!!).

I have been experiencing some pretty serious tachycardia that correlates with my symptoms but that isn't a death sentence in and of itself. This has turned the sights too my blood pressure and my weight (which needs to come up sorely).

I am in for an echocardiogram and a tilt-table tomorrow and will get back with more results after that.

Next on the list is to check there isn't anything weird being caused by nerves in my thoracic spine (where I'm experiencing some pretty severe pain). The doc wants to get an MRI of that, and I think I'm going to go check out a chiropractor if I can find a good one in town (I know a lot of those dudes are quacks).

So some pretty good results. Still feel like total ass and my BP is through the damn roof, but it's looking more and more like it's NOT SPECIFICALLY my heart doing it unless there's some kind of valvular disease going on or some kind of arterial blockage/occlusion that's causing an issue (which seems really unlikely). Looks more and more like my heart is compensating for another issue that's going on, just gotta find what that is.

Top of my list right now is imbalanced nutrition so I'm really altering my lifestyle on that note and hoping for the best.

I've been defeated at least 4x in my life. It never feels good i tell you that lol. There is no shame in defeat though. The shame is in not trying to get back up but wisdom is the result. Keep your head up and pay attention to your diet. Try and limit the smoking and spend time with people that make you happy. good luck to you and hope you feel better soon.

Dam sounds like some heavy shit was goin down behind the scenes; anyways squiggs man, take it easy man, hope you get better and if you ever wanna write a book of squiggs lemme know haha. if your ever in the buckeye state get at me. peace

Take it eazy doggie.. May u harvest some super dank

I come bearing diagnosis.

My tilt table test was VERY positive (this was the result I expected).

The resulting diagnosis: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome

Plus side: It is not life threatening though it can often feel it is. Also I have an answer and it makes sense.

Negative side: There is no cure and it falls into the category of autonomic dysfunction which is an extremely poorly understood type of disorder. This also doesn't answer the question of my blood pressure so more must be done to investigate/change my lifestyle on that note.

Second plus side: Being poorly understood means it may be better understood in the future--hell maybe I can even help figure it out (as a chemist).

Still waiting on the results of the echo but I was able to view the imaging and everything looked normal to me given my very basic understanding. I will know for sure tomorrow and will report back if anything showed up.

Until I'm able to reign this in a bit and adapt I am still going to mostly stay away from the farm, especially in the public sense. As promised I will continue to lurk and I will continue answering questions to my inbox as I have been (thanks for all the messages--they've kept me busy and I love helping you all!!)

You guys are fuckin' awesome. Seriously.

Had a follow up with the cardiologist today and based on all the extra tests which have been run since I have a second diagnosis.

This one is slightly less cool, and slightly less non-threatening--but it's still not the end of the world. I've been told I have what's called inappropriate sinus tachycardia.

Typically IST/POTS are what are known as differential diagnoses (you have one or the other) but in this case the doctors are pretty convinced that I actually have both. Unfortunately both of these "diseases" are more like symptoms--and the underlying disease is something we've yet to pinpoint.

This will most likely come from a neurologist as it's believed this is some type of autonomic/nervous system dysfunction. So hopefully the next few weeks will bring more answers.

I still haven't been able to smoke bud, when I tried a week or so ago it shot my heart rate up to 140 BPM laying down. That's way too fast.

Starting a new drug tomorrow (the EXACT drug I've been researching for 2+ years), and hope this might allow me to smoke some (as the drug is to control increased heart rate).

I will give myself a week or two to equilibrate to the drug first before attempting to smoke, but hopefully I'll be joining you all high in the skies soon enough. The main reason I've had to take such a big step back here is that I can't smoke!!! There's no bigger torture than being forced into sobriety will commiserating with hundreds of people who are bringing the dank!

If I got mouthy with any of ya, allow me to apologize. Was going through some shit and I took it out on ya. There's no excuse for it, but there's a reason. Those of you who have shit to talk or who don't like me--grow the fuck up and ignore me like the adult I assume you are, I promise to do the same to you and regret having not done it before :p

Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for the continued support and well wishes to my inbox.

Good to hear from yuh Squiggs!
Hope the new drug works out

Hang in there neighbor!!! I kinda know what your going through with heart issues but mine was a leaky valve that had to be repaired and I wish nobody to go through that. Keep us updated!

From my friend Joe Cocker, For you Squigg....
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=PTzhxyRoe9E&desktop_uri=/watch?v=PTzhxyRoe9E
Take it easy.......