The Uk Awesome Member And Growers Thread

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Limonene

Limonene

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Viz top tips
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, move it all back again.

 
Limonene

Limonene

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CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".
RS: Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and "fish" for squirrels. An upturned laundry basket would make an ideal keep-net, but don't forget to throw the squirrels back into the tree at the end of the day.
 
Limonene

Limonene

7,097
313
Boil an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan.
HORSE whisperers: Speak louder. The animals will hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.
 
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