Fell Off The Wagon Today.....

[LocalGrowGuy]

I love you chickenman...thank you. I'm struggling tonight with what to do. I've kinda sobered up a tad. I've had pancreatitis twice since coming home I've had two extended stays one in a state hospital which was worse than war and one even longer in a beautiful but colorful institution in New England. I'm not sure where my road will lead.....I often feel excited about a stay in a hospital again just to let my hair down and let someone else worry. But it always leads to me leaving and fucking every person I meet as I ween off the psych mess, or worse isolation and self abuse wether drinking or other means. I'm not sure what to do. I get labeled a dyke where I live cause I'm a single female and farm, or I get labeled weird which I can kinda dig, but not many guys where I'm at want weird, they want loyal and baby bearing. I almost nightly drift off dreaming of living deep in the Rockies digging a hole and climbing in covering myself with leafs and waiting for the sun.....

Have you considered going to a meeting? Did you ever have a sponsor?

I never fully agreed with the 12 steps and the blue book is a bit preachy, but I regularly read a book called the language of letting go.

Today's entry:
Financial Fears

I sat in the car, looking at the sign on the door of the food shelf office: "Closed until Friday." It was Wednesday. I had two hungry children and myself; I had no money.

I laid my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't take it anymore.

I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I was a single parent with two children, recently divorced. I had worked so courageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financial goals and working at believing I deserved the best.

I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation. Daily, I worked the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying for knowledge of God's will for me only, and the power to carry it through. I believed I was doing what I needed to do in my life. I wasn't lollygagging. I was doing my best, working my hardest.

And there just wasn't enough money. Life had been a struggle in many ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless.

Money isn't everything, but it takes money to solve certain problems. I was sick of "letting go" and "letting go" and "letting go." I was sick of "acting as if" I had enough money. I was tired of having to work so hard daily at letting go of the pain and fear about not having enough. I was tired of working so hard at being happy without having enough. Actually, most of the time I was happy. I had found my soul in poverty. But now that I had my soul and my self, I wanted some money too.

While I sat in the car trying to compose myself, I heard God speak to me in that silent, still voice that whispers gently to our souls.

"You don't ever have to worry about money again, child. Not unless you want to. I told you that I would take care of you. And I will."

Great, I thought. Thanks a lot. I believe you. I trust you. But look around. I have no money. I have no food. And the food shelf is closed. You've let me down.

Again I heard His voice in my soul: "You don't have to worry about money again. You don't have to be afraid. I promised to meet all your needs.

I went home, called a friend, and asked to borrow some money. I hated borrowing, but I had no choice. My breakdown in the car was a release, but it didn't solve a thing - that day. There was no check in the mailbox.

But I got food for the day. And the next day. And the next. Within six months, my income doubled. Within nine months, it tripled. Since that day, I have had hard times, but I have never had to go without - not for more than a moment in time.

Now, I have enough. Sometimes I still worry about money because that seems to be habitual. But now I know I don't have to, and I know I never did.

God, help me work hard at what I believe is right for me in my life today, and I'll trust You for the rest. Help me let go of my fears about money. Help me turn that area over to You. God. Take away the blocks and barriers in my life to financial success.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

 

[LocalGrowGuy]

lmao wrong quote my toe would be sore from kicking CM in the ass :)

Well you could of called me , we could of played strip poker, or something haha
Could of chased you around the house with my skinny ass lmao
banged my toe on the coffee table screamed bloody murder and be limping today , and crackin up laughing

Fuck does my toe hurt today :) lol kidding

View attachment 647176

Why am I not surprised the first helpful creep is you.

It's not 'could of', it's 'could have'. Spelling will get you further than smilies. With the ladies and everyone else.

 

[Neter Sentra]

I have done meetings. I'm not super religious, or much at all. I love and except all inputs. Thank you brother.

 

[LocalGrowGuy]

I have done meetings. I'm not super religious, or much at all. I love and except all inputs. Thank you brother.

Call your best friend and have her take you to a meeting, stay away from penii, they have a different agenda that involves a different type of hugging, support, and don't believe them when they say it's good for your skin. If you've been through the program you know that you're reaching out already which is a good start. I hope you get some positive vibes from others, here. One day at a time.
Get your ass in a cab or uber, your new fan club will crowdsource the payment. Bob, the one with bitch tits, might be there. Tell him hi for me.

 

[Neter Sentra]

 

[jumpincactus]

Keeping an eye on you
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Looking forward hopefully you can come visit us and get some ideas on gardening and a life on a farm
Can help with starts of al kinds

Gawt dang @chickenman that eye is making me paranoid, :) or is it this Motorbreath I be puffn. :smoking:

 

[jumpincactus]

@Neter Sentra Are you ok today? I hope so. :) "Just for today I will not pick up a drink"

 

[NightsWatch]

 

[Neter Sentra]

@Neter Sentra Are you ok today? I hope so. :) "Just for today I will not pick up a drink"

Gotta be honest been a weird day. But I'm ok thank you brother.

 

[Neter Sentra]

It happens to everyone, Ronda is and will continue to be if she wants a phenom. Even fedor lost. Oh my god though how I'd love to meet Ronda, prrrrrrrrrrrr meow. Have her spoon with me! :-)

 

[LocalGrowGuy]

You get along with these guys way too well. Are you tuckin'?

Also, Rhonda doesn't spoon. She is a scissoror. Scissorer? Sorceror? Scissoroererrer? Lesbian. I'm saying she is a lesbian. There. That was awkward.

 

[Neter Sentra]

You get along with these guys way too well. Are you tuckin'?

Also, Rhonda doesn't spoon. She is a scissoror. Scissorer? Sorceror? Scissoroererrer? Lesbian. I'm saying she is a lesbian. There. That was awkward.

Lmao, tuckin' Your in Colorado correct? Let's meet, I'll put those doubts to rest. Serious. I was the only girl in a family with 5 brothers. And just so ya know scirroring scissor scisssoringer whatever sux. ;-). I'll be in manitou springs next week, come say hi. If your into wrestling or jujitsu even better.

 

[NightsWatch]



Lmao, tuckin' Your in Colorado correct? Let's meet, I'll put those doubts to rest. Serious. I was the only girl in a family with 5 brothers. And just so ya know scirroring scissor scisssoringer whatever sux. ;-). I'll be in manitou springs next week, come say hi. If your into wrestling or jujitsu even better.

lol Do me a favor give him a shouder lock from scarf hold and slap him out for me. at the same time its well deserved the old fucker is pretty brittle i bet :) you will have him down in seconds lol

 

[Neter Sentra]

Lol. Nah I'm a lover not a fighter, well maybe a rear scissor choke, lmfao.

 

[wobbly goblin]

fell off the wagon?
i fell off a horse once...bruises on my ass galore
learned to get back on it even when i knew i may fall off again
sounds like you already figured that out

on a now defunct forum...my handle was sobek
so..ntr sentra caught my eye and i had to re edumacate myself so google for the save and...
this popped up

the morning ritual (copy paste)
Morning Rtual was one of the holiest of all ancient Egyptian rituals, a greeting of the rising sun in honor of either Bast or Isis.

Most commonly done nude, it included singing and chanting, sometimes set to music (especially the shaking of the sistrum). Neter Sentra, or incense, was burned, with a combination of cannabis hemp flowers and cinnamon being the most common ingredients. The ritual also involved cunnilingus.

Shortly before the sunrise, worshippers of Bast or Isis would light their incense. The incense was believed to carry the wishes, dreams, and desires of the participants to the Goddess.

Cunnilingus was viewed as an important and central part of Morning Ritual. The ancient Egyptians believed that the vaginal fluids produced during orgasm had magick properties. They called these fluids the “nectar of the Goddess” and believed that this was what gave the deities their immortality. They also believed that if a human drank the nectar of the Goddess every morning at sunrise, that the human would also attain immortality. At the very least, the drinking of the nectar of the Goddess was viewed as an important component for general health.

Early Christianity originally viewed women as property (livestock) and didn’t believe that women even had souls. Therefore, Christianity overlooked women’s spirituality and ignored the religious practices of women. While Christian soldiers were slaughtering millions of pagan men, they left women to worship whomever they pleased. Most women worshipped Isis or Bast.

As a result, about two million women engaged in Morning Ritual in the city of Rome every day, their orgasmic moans filling the ancient urban skies with their devotion to Isis and Bast at sunrise.

Unfortunately, a Roman Catholic Pope liked to sleep in late and was severely annoyed by being woken at sunrise every day by millions of female orgasms.

So, the Pope outlawed oral sex with the punishment of the death penalty. The Roman Catholic Church continues the ban on oral sex even to this day 9although they haven’t executed anyone for oral sex in several decades).

Bast’s Breath is the belief that the smoke of marijuana is the holy breath of the Goddess Herself. The original phrase is “Neter Sentra”, meaning incense or the “breath of the deities”.

The following incense recipe is synthesized from several ancient and modern sources.

Incense for Bast

• 6 parts marijuana buds, marijuana leaves, or hashish
• 4 parts frankincense
• 3 parts acacai gum
• 2 parts myrrh
• 1 part catnip
• 1 part cedar
• 1 part cinnamon
• 1/2 part juniper
• 2 drops civet oil

The famous “hookah” started as large, intricately-carved table-like pieces of furniture, which originally served as home altars to Bast. In addition to use in home rituals such as Morning Ritual, guests would be invited around the altar to honor the Goddess with a few tokes.



hmm... now having read that....time to sober up and enjoy the morning sounds like a plan eh?

fwiw

 

[jumpincactus]

Cunnilingus was viewed as an important and central part of Morning Ritual. The ancient Egyptians believed that the vaginal fluids produced during orgasm had magick properties. They called these fluids the “nectar of the Goddess” and believed that this was what gave the deities their immortality. They also believed that if a human drank the nectar of the Goddess every morning at sunrise, that the human would also attain immortality. At the very least, the drinking of the nectar of the Goddess was viewed as an important component for general health.

So thats why my plants smell so good using Nectar of the Gods, or is it Goddess!!!!!! LOL And to be frank I must be one immortal kind of guy!!!

 

[jumpincactus]

Gotta be honest been a weird day. But I'm ok thank you brother.

No problem Sis, just checkin in on ya. Wanted you to know you were in my thoughts. :D

 

[LocalGrowGuy]

Lmao, tuckin' Your in Colorado correct? Let's meet, I'll put those doubts to rest. Serious. I was the only girl in a family with 5 brothers. And just so ya know scirroring scissor scisssoringer whatever sux. ;-). I'll be in manitou springs next week, come say hi. If your into wrestling or jujitsu even better.

I have a black belt in thumb wrestling, as well as back-to-back naked twister tournament wins. I've retired from the beer pong circuit since I quit the sauce and I wrecked my shoulder. I have a pretty sick scar though, and some kick ass Dora the Explorer band aids so I can't show it just yet.


lol Do me a favor give him a shouder lock from scarf hold and slap him out for me. at the same time its well deserved the old fucker is pretty brittle i bet :) you will have him down in seconds lol

Not quite. I'm laughing at you creepy old betas and the game you're throwing down. Trying to throw anyway. You are right that I am a giver and I can beat three seconds with my hands tied behind my back. See what I did there?

Nightswatch, you're just unhappy that your source for information on current events is lacking, don't get upset with me if you aren't able to explain the drivel you copy and paste from elsewhere. If you can't finish your plate you can't sit with the adults.

Cunnilingus was viewed as an important and central part of Morning Ritual. The ancient Egyptians believed that the vaginal fluids produced during orgasm had magick properties. They called these fluids the “nectar of the Goddess” and believed that this was what gave the deities their immortality. They also believed that if a human drank the nectar of the Goddess every morning at sunrise, that the human would also attain immortality. At the very least, the drinking of the nectar of the Goddess was viewed as an important component for general health.

So thats why my plants smell so good using Nectar of the Gods, or is it Goddess!!!!!! LOL And to be frank I must be one immortal kind of guy!!!

Those first people were pretty fuckin' wise.

 

[Neter Sentra]

I have a black belt in thumb wrestling, as well as back-to-back naked twister tournament wins. I've retired from the beer pong circuit since I quit the sauce and I wrecked my shoulder. I have a pretty sick scar though, and some kick ass Dora the Explorer band aids so I can't show it just yet.

Not quite. I'm laughing at you creepy old betas and the game you're throwing down. Trying to throw anyway. You are right that I am a giver and I can beat three seconds with my hands tied behind my back. See what I did there?

Nightswatch, you're just unhappy that your source for information on current events is lacking, don't get upset with me if you aren't able to explain the drivel you copy and paste from elsewhere. If you can't finish your plate you can't sit with the adults.

Those first people were pretty fuckin' wise.

Naked twister is fun! Lol.

 

[LocalGrowGuy]

Naked twister is fun! Lol.

Can you even twister naked while in full tuck?