There was once a Magnificent oak tree that stood upon a hill...
It was a magnificent oak, surely. Resplendent in size and breadth, it stood perched upon the highest hill in the land, commanding a view as far as the eye could see. Way up top was an acorn. The biggest, baddest acorn in all the land, sitting atop the most majestic oak in all the land, and this acorn was the highest acorn for miles around.
"Look at me!" shouted the acorn, "I am the biggest, baddest acorn in all the land for miles...no one is higher than me, no one is better than me!" he shouted.
Until a great gust of wind blew its mighty breath and shook the trees, sending that poor ol' acorn just a flyin'. That big acorn tumbled to the ground so far below (he was really high) and cracked his big ol' fucking skull wide open, sending that sporty cap of his into orbit...
When he awoke, dazed and confused, he peered up through hazy eyes only to see a cow towering over him, thoughtfully ruminating. "You alright?" asked the beautiful bovine...
"Does it look like I'm alright??" screamed the acorn! "A minute ago I was the biggest, baddest acorn in all the land - no one was higher than me! I sat on top of that oak over there. Can you see how majestic it is?" he pleaded "Help me, pleeeease" whined the acorn.
So the cow says, "Sure, no problem..." and then turns around and unceremoniously takes a huge dump, the hot steaming pile of shit landing square on the acorn's head.
An unpecified amount of time later the snows thaw and the rains wash away most of the manure...
But then something miraculous happens! A shoot pops up one day when no one is watching and begins to reach for the heavens. Before long that beat up, shit on acorn grows tall and strong, easily surpassing the majestic oak it fell from so long ago. And he became the biggest, baddest oak in all the land!