Fell Off The Wagon Today.....

[chickenman]

Sorry on a roll..
Love the Sons Still playing after 50 plus years...
I still need this..


I think I know what I’m doing but I haven’t been doing it right
It seems like every time I turn around I find myself feeling uptight
But every once in a while I see
The questions and the answers here before me
Whoa, misery isn’t free
I’ve got to be free

I’ve allowed myself to worry over situations I’m not in
It’s to the point in my mind where frustration is ruling a whim
And the choice, it’s up to me
In all its intensity
Whoa, misery isn’t free
I’ve got to be free

I need some space to lose my mind
Don’t need to race this thing called time
I’m gonna loosen up naturally

But in a while I’m sure I’ll find
Some sort of peace of mind
I’m gonna get there honestly
I’ve got to be free

Things are looking up now, my burden’s lighter with the extra weight
For our direction’s all that counts and there’s no way for me to get there late
And I’ll look back eventually
I’m gonna chalk it off to history

I need some space to lose my mind
Don’t need to race this thing called time
I’m gonna loosen up naturally

But in a while I’m sure I’ll find
Some sort of peace of mind
I’m gonna get there honestly
I’ve got to be free

 

[cannabeans]

Please stay strong... you can tackle the drink..
Herbs are so much better for you!
today is my 5th day with no booze.( Better than none)
All I really wanted to do yesterday after work was to stop and grab a 6 pack...
I was right there... Then I told myself "NO"
Got home... puffed tough.. Ahhh We are all good again.

 

[cannabeans]

 

[Homesteader]

"You did not desert me
my brothers in arms"

 

[chickenman]

Please stay strong... you can tackle the drink..
Herbs are so much better for you!
today is my 5th day with no booze.( Better than none)
All I really wanted to do yesterday after work was to stop and grab a 6 pack...
I was right there... Then I told myself "NO"
Got home... puffed tough.. Ahhh We are all good again.

Good job..
I had convinced myself that I am never strong enough to overcome the desire.
So many times I got some time in and bang zoom there I go again. Each time it got worse, I promise you that is a sad fact...
So what I have done is a sweet surrender. I have surrendered to the fact that I will never be stronger than the demons because they win every time...
My only hope is to let the higher power deal with not only the crave but the many others issues of dealing with life on life's terms..
Seldom get the crave. I know I will never be cured.
Addictions are more powerful cunning, baffling and more patient than we will ever be so one must take it day at a time..
I am working on patience got a ways to goo.
The first step is admitting and realizing. Maybe a meeting and a chat face to face would help..
Any one else feels like reaching out here I am, been there done that over and over many times.
Helping others helps me as much as it helps them, hopefully..

 

[Bulldog420]

@Neter Sentra I wish you the best of luck. It's hard to kick the habit, but needs to be done. I found out this week a very close family member has stomach cancer, and drinks daily for 30+ years. Shit is no joke. It will make you act like a fool, cause turmoil in families, get behind a wheel and endanger others, and destroy your health in the process. Maybe the first step, is figuring out how terrible drinking really is, and figure out if that is the person you want to be. It's starts with the mental process.

Either way, I love you, you are my sister. I am here, as are others. We are pulling for you.

 

[THELORAX802]

I hope you can find something in your life that can distract you from alcohol. For my family member it was exercise and long hiking trips that ended in cannabis enjoyment at the end of the hike, to each their own. While i don't agree with a religious mindset to help folks avoid alcohol i do believe some of their suggestions help heal the soul, trust me i am native american, ive watched vodka tear apart family after family. Its a disease, but your aware of this, i liken your post to asking for help which is in my mind awesome! For me asking for help when i am in dire straits is the first step to healing.

 

[THELORAX802]

My mother drank a half gallon a day and somehow functioned.......i noticed when she sobered up she was throwing all that energy she freed up being sober into some pretty wonderful things.......when she lived at the hog farm she learned macramae and all sorts of neat knots..........I can see how that would be a wonderful distraction chicken man! wow!

 

[420circuit]

The single best advice about drinking, or limiting problem drinking, at least for my case, is to understand how you can control your fall into drunkenness for a single day. Just this one day. Or, as the AA puts it, one day at a time. All you gotta do is make it through today without a drink. Filling the time with physical stuff will show results, like doing exercise, walking, running, weights, (Building something or even cleaning up your home.) which will make tomorrow easier. But just focus on today. I have been working on a song about getting drunk, for over a year, and call it "Falling Down the Stairs", because that is a good analogy for how it feels to get drunk. If it helps at all, please contribute to the creation of this song by adding a line. I'll post up the lyrics later, just making the point that ceasing to do something is a lot easier that starting something. Ceasing tobacco was fun, took me a couple decades, what finally sealed the deal was reaching an understanding with that inner voice, that there is nothing in tobacco for me, the "enjoyment" of that particular addiction is outweighed by the negative health crap, lung tissue damage and vastly higher cancer risk. If you feel that the benefits of being drunk outweigh the negatives, maybe it is a good idea to get hammered. But I doubt it. Make a decision and make a path for yourself. And remember, today is the day that you have been building up to all of your life.

 

[420circuit]

Wish we could refrain from 'slime-ing' each other in these forum threads. Browsing is much more enjoyable where people are polite. Too bad comments get moderated out because we can all learn from each others mistakes. It is how we get better.

 

[jumpincactus]

I love you chickenman...thank you. I'm struggling tonight with what to do. I've kinda sobered up a tad. I've had pancreatitis twice since coming home I've had two extended stays one in a state hospital which was worse than war and one even longer in a beautiful but colorful institution in New England. I'm not sure where my road will lead.....I often feel excited about a stay in a hospital again just to let my hair down and let someone else worry. But it always leads to me leaving and fucking every person I meet as I ween off the psych mess, or worse isolation and self abuse wether drinking or other means. I'm not sure what to do. I get labeled a dyke where I live cause I'm a single female and farm, or I get labeled weird which I can kinda dig, but not many guys where I'm at want weird, they want loyal and baby bearing. I almost nightly drift off dreaming of living deep in the Rockies digging a hole and climbing in covering myself with leafs and waiting for the sun.....

Hey gurl, you need to put the plug in da jug for starters. Do you have any support system at all? A AA sponsor or anyone that is sober that you can lean on. I see @chickenman reached out to you and I am as well.

I remember from personal experience that one of the worst things you can do is continue to beat yourself up. With the guilt and shame of a relapse it sets the stage for poor, poor, poor me another drink :sweating: and that as you know is like a dog chasing his own tail. In closing keep in mind a sayn I like, it goes like this, There is Nothing in my world today that a drink wont make worse!!! Cannabis is a great substitute for alcohol, I hope that you can soon find a healthy support system and use it. I am a believer that once you can ID your core issues and work thru them the light of recovery can shine thru and slay the dragons that keep you drinking.

Much love and as chickenman said PM me anytime you need someone to listen. Much love. Peace

 

[NightsWatch]

lmao wrong quote my toe would be sore from kicking CM in the ass :)

Well you could of called me , we could of played strip poker, or something haha
Could of chased you around the house with my skinny ass lmao
banged my toe on the coffee table screamed bloody murder and be limping today , and crackin up laughing

Fuck does my toe hurt today :) lol kidding

 

[jumpincactus]

I wish you the best of luck through your struggles. tomorrow is sunday. Alot of people are not into god. Whether you have faith or not, a lil church never hurt anyone. God really does amazing things.
I am caught up in the middle of my brother/ friend/ business partners addiction problem. I have been there for him since day 1. Sober, he is the best person you could ask for. And then there is the other side. It is horrible, and I don't know what to do. I feel lost. Tonight was a major tipping point. He went off the radar after he was supposed to deliver a few units. His wife called me out of her mind. I thought he got robbed. We are never supposed to go hustle by ourselves. Three hours later he calls, basically tells me to fuck off and can't even talk he was so wasted and high on blow. Three more hours later he got home. I went to make some sense of everything and find the coin or smoke, whatever he had left. That turned into a fight. Now he has a busted open face, I found some cash and then had to go on a journey to find his car and the rest of our stash. I found his keys with his druggie friends, then drove across town to get the car. A hour later I found the car with a p still inside. Found his wallet in his car with a small bag of blow. Now i have my wife and kids at home, mad at me, driving around at 11 at night with a few G's in my pocket, a p, and now a small bag of blow with someone else's blood on my clothes. I thought I was getting pulled over on the way back and my heart sunk. Cop wound up just passing me but it really made me think. This guy is going to sink my ship and I have never even done a drug in my life other then weed.
There is really no moral to my story and unfortunately there is no positive ending yet. His wife wants to leave him and if he wasn't so tied up with my operation I would do the same thing. Once again I don't know what to do.
To me, if I new my actions were destroying everyone and everything around me I would hopefully wake up. I know that it is easier said then done. I just want life to be normal. Our childhood was fucked due to my parents addiction problems, and now he is perpetuating the same lifestyle onto his child.
I wish everyone with a addiction problem could feel the pain that they put on there family. I am not trying to put a guilt trip on anyone, just venting my feelings from a very long night.
I believe that everyone is put on this earth for one reason or another. Those reasons are definitely not to self destruct yourself from a bottle or a bag of blow. If you figure out what you are supposed to be doing here then you immerse yourself in that cause and you will no longer have time to worry about your next drink.
I'm sure my rant has not helped solve anyone's problems. I just got home and this was the first post I seen after all this bullshit. I thought I could at least share my story of tonight so anyone else out there knows they are not the only ones caught in a tough place. I hope my bro can find his way reel quick. I hope anyone else out there can choose to end the pain and realize this world has alot of positive opportunity waiting for you. Just clear your head and look around. it is never to late. You can never give up. If you give up that makes your time here completely pointless. That is not why we are here. Good luck and please look forward. This world is supposed to be a amazing place and we are blessed with the opportunity to spend a small amount of time here.

Keep in mind brother there isnt anything you can do to fix your brother. He has to hit rock bottom and really want to get well. The old "sick and tired of being sick and tired". Before he gets ready to recover.

I know its hard when you are that close to someone. And this may sound harsh but it is reality. If he is going to continue in this behavior you will have to cut him loose as a partner in your op or he very well may and will take you both down, as evidenced with the story you just shared. Just .2 cents coming from a man who had all sorts of addiction issues. Much love and I send healing karma to you and your brother.

 

[jumpincactus]

Well you could of called me , we could of played strip poker, or something haha
Could of chased you around the house with my skinny ass lmao
banged my toe on the coffee table screamed bloody murder and be limping today , and crackin up laughing

LOL......... WTF

 

[jumpincactus]

@NightsWatch like they used to say in AA, Some of us are sicker than others. And that be you. :p

 

[NightsWatch]

lmao i quoted wrong person my toe would be sore from kicking him in the ass haha

Its all good trying to add some humor to this thread is all

 

[jumpincactus]

indeed humor or laughter is the best medicine. I remember those cold dark dayz after a doozy of a replapse and the guilt and shame. Gawt dang glad I dont have to live like that anymore.

 

[mendel]

Best of luck to you neter. We are all pulling for you. Keep your chin up!

 

[bongzaway]

any booze makes me terribly sick sick sick,,,,even one gawdamm beer. 8 years ago I decided it ain't worth the hurt and quit altogether. wierd that i still get an urge to drink the shit though. but nah..fugget. try to quit that shit..it messes up your life bro. i smoke herb and chase pussy...that keeps me busy enough. plus its better than chasing herb and smoking pussy. whoo-hah

 

[Bulldog420]

The very first time I drank, was at 14 years old, and I put down 16 shots of dry gin. I was always full speed or die.

In my experience. It was all a mind set. I was drinking a good 8-12 sometimes 20 shots of vodka a day, for a decade. The day I decided to quit, it was over. I never get the urge anymore.

Only reason I bring this up is to give a view into a different window. Not everybody has life long problems, and I hope it is easier than hard for you to quit. Good luck.