Mental and Physical Health Support Thread

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bunkerking

bunkerking

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Yep thats my world lol. Its the only way i can live on my own. Hardcore internet nerd. With the right support, man. I murder it.
I have not seen season 3+ due to not having hbo. But i so loved that show.

I always told people to create the trend, dont follow it. (at my last digital internet job)
 
bunkerking

bunkerking

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Haven't done in awhile. Last time I accidentally forgot to stop seeding after downloading. Got a bunch of emails from my isp. I know a vpn would do the trick. Just have not after that.
 
Kanzeon

Kanzeon

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My little sister overdosed earlier this week. She's okay now, but the experience of calling a hospital to see if your sister is alive or not is fucking harrowing. Appreciate the good people in life while we have them.
 
ozarkgrey

ozarkgrey

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Turns out that in addition to being tremendously fun, acid and shrooms affect a part of the brain that's called the default mode network.


One of the roles that it plays in our brains is that it sets patterns. Which is why things like addictions are hard to break. It also filters the world so that we're biased to view things in ways that reinforce our already held-opinions. Essentially, we literally create our own reality by creating and reinforcing our patterns.

Dissolving the dmn, aka ego death, is very similar by all descriptions to the Buddhist concept of enlightenment. When it dissolves, we feel "connected," "one with all things," "a tiny part of a huge amazing universe."

The concept of interconnectedness is antithetical to the concept of ego, so essentially a role of the dmn is to regulate how we view ourselves in relation to those around us. IE: Democrat/Republican, every other thing in the US that's somehow become polarized politically.

When we take actions that reinforce "our tribe" in opposition to "other tribes," we're programming our dmn to view members of that tribe as enemies, essentially drawing a "self" around our tribe and an "other" around the other. This is good in that it does things like getting people to attack and ostracize rapists and child molesters, for instance. This is harmful in that this same concept can be extrapolated to "other" things unhelpfully, like saying that all members of a race or religion or region or political leaning are bad.

The interconnectedness/ego, self/other, faith/doubt ratios of a person can essentially be tuned and balanced with psychedelics and meditation. I believe that depression is generally an affliction of people not feeling interconnected enough, and that narcissism is the product of people believing that they are overly important to the people around them. Both of these illnesses create their own patterns in the DMN, which lead to behaviors and thoughts that continue to perpetuate these patterns. If something were to exist like a trip sitter plus rehab, where people can have their desired patterns reinforced and their undesired ones (addiction) get a solid dmn wall built around the concept of doing whatever addictive substance again.

I don't claim to be an expert, or to know everything. All I can say for certain is that I reset my dmn last January and the symptoms of my personal PTSD and depression were reduced for months afterwards. Last fall I literally set a suicide date and now I'm alive and happy.

shit affects the part of my brain that says flip the fuck out we're all gonna die!! no thanks i died for real once and it too was unpleasant coming and going. i will stick to cannabis and the stuff my doctor and i have worked out. but sure if it works for other people i say go for it!

OG
 
Dirtbag

Dirtbag

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My little sister overdosed earlier this week. She's okay now, but the experience of calling a hospital to see if your sister is alive or not is fucking harrowing. Appreciate the good people in life while we have them.

Damn, that's tough. Glad she is ok and I hope it will be a wake up call to get help.
I lost a very close friend last year to an OD using coke laced with fentanyl, it's ard to accept because its so senseless and self inflicted. As Layne Stayley put it, slow suicide's no way to go.

This song and these lyrics sure hit home for me when I was young and using hard drugs a lot, nearly homeless and on the edge of bottoming out.

 
tobh

tobh

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Definitely a gem of a thread, and a good time to pull it back from the archives, @ComfortablyNumb .

I was going to treatment for the past year or so to deal with depression, suicidal ideations, anxiety, and the all the wonderful shit that comes along with those afflictions. Well, I had to postpone an appointment and my shrink still charged me for the original one, and I've now developed too much anxiety to call and reschedule -- partially from being pissed off about paying for a service I didn't get and partially because when I drop the ball on something, it fucks with my head something fierce.

Going into the holidays this year with a bit more weight than last year. My nephew is AWOL chasing the dragon, not even 18 yet and picked up a demon that'll haunt him for the rest of his life (fellow addicts/recovering addicts know what I mean). Scary shit knowing a kid you watched grow up is out there, gambling with life and death, and hoping the texts from his dad or younger brother aren't "The Text." A cousin of mine was murdered by a police officer about a month ago, left behind a 12 year old son. Hadn't talked to him in years, but it's hard not to miss someone you grew up with when something like death makes that distance a permanent installment in your life.

I've got a buddy staying with me atm that's trying to get back on his feet, but the welcome is thinning. He doesn't have a job, and keeps bringing drama into the house from his baby mama. For the second time in three weeks, the warm bodies in my house has doubled because he has his girls with him this weekend. Of course, since he doesn't have a job, I'm footing the bill for their care and accommodations. I'm alright with doing it, but it's just added weight on my shoulders given I am the sole earner for a family of four, there's not a whole lot extra left over to feed another adult (on top of supplying habits) and their kids.

On the topic of hallucinogens, I've been debating taking a mushroom trip for the first time in over a decade. A long period of traumas, losses, transitions, and growth have certainly impacted a lot of things and I carry some habits now I swore I'd never have when I was younger. It's time to reset the DMN, get my headspace back where it belongs.

Thanks for putting this thread together @Kanzeon, it's hard for a lot of people to be open about shit but sometimes knowing others are living or have lived through similar life experiences is helpful, even if when talking about whatever is going on it feels like shouting into the void.
 
Ems49

Ems49

Mtnstate
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Definitely a gem of a thread, and a good time to pull it back from the archives, @ComfortablyNumb .

I was going to treatment for the past year or so to deal with depression, suicidal ideations, anxiety, and the all the wonderful shit that comes along with those afflictions. Well, I had to postpone an appointment and my shrink still charged me for the original one, and I've now developed too much anxiety to call and reschedule -- partially from being pissed off about paying for a service I didn't get and partially because when I drop the ball on something, it fucks with my head something fierce.

Going into the holidays this year with a bit more weight than last year. My nephew is AWOL chasing the dragon, not even 18 yet and picked up a demon that'll haunt him for the rest of his life (fellow addicts/recovering addicts know what I mean). Scary shit knowing a kid you watched grow up is out there, gambling with life and death, and hoping the texts from his dad or younger brother aren't "The Text." A cousin of mine was murdered by a police officer about a month ago, left behind a 12 year old son. Hadn't talked to him in years, but it's hard not to miss someone you grew up with when something like death makes that distance a permanent installment in your life.

I've got a buddy staying with me atm that's trying to get back on his feet, but the welcome is thinning. He doesn't have a job, and keeps bringing drama into the house from his baby mama. For the second time in three weeks, the warm bodies in my house has doubled because he has his girls with him this weekend. Of course, since he doesn't have a job, I'm footing the bill for their care and accommodations. I'm alright with doing it, but it's just added weight on my shoulders given I am the sole earner for a family of four, there's not a whole lot extra left over to feed another adult (on top of supplying habits) and their kids.

On the topic of hallucinogens, I've been debating taking a mushroom trip for the first time in over a decade. A long period of traumas, losses, transitions, and growth have certainly impacted a lot of things and I carry some habits now I swore I'd never have when I was younger. It's time to reset the DMN, get my headspace back where it belongs.

Thanks for putting this thread together @Kanzeon, it's hard for a lot of people to be open about shit but sometimes knowing others are living or have lived through similar life experiences is helpful, even if when talking about whatever is going on it feels like shouting into the void.
I can relate. Your definitely not alone. Its wonderful to treat my ailments with cannabis but when I quit my dr and counseling I break down. Keep your chin up its big hearted folks like us that keep the world from totally burning.
 
ComfortablyNumb

ComfortablyNumb

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I was quite happy to discover I have Aspergers. Most people would think me mad, but after a lifetime of strangeness, I finally understand why I am the way I am. That makes me happy. Now I just need to pack a bowl....
 
amekins

amekins

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Glad this was resurrected. I’m pretty open as is, but I’ve been doing a lot of further retreating from sharing my emotional state because, well, I am feeling so much like a burden to those in my life who love me. I lost a very good friend in September and that’s been fucking with my head a lot. Physically, things suck but hoping once my foot fusion heals, at least one source of pain will have been significantly reduced. Until that time, everything is just going through the motions. I’m glad I have my animals because it would be days before anyone would even realize I was gone, and I can’t do that to them. My daughter, she would be devastated but maybe she’d have less anxiety about my health. I can’t do that to her either. Finding whatever reason I can to keep holding on. At some point, it needs to be for me. I’m 53 and started self injuring at the age of 7. Too fucking long to feel this way.
 
oldskol4evr

oldskol4evr

12,306
438
Glad this was resurrected. I’m pretty open as is, but I’ve been doing a lot of further retreating from sharing my emotional state because, well, I am feeling so much like a burden to those in my life who love me. I lost a very good friend in September and that’s been fucking with my head a lot. Physically, things suck but hoping once my foot fusion heals, at least one source of pain will have been significantly reduced. Until that time, everything is just going through the motions. I’m glad I have my animals because it would be days before anyone would even realize I was gone, and I can’t do that to them. My daughter, she would be devastated but maybe she’d have less anxiety about my health. I can’t do that to her either. Finding whatever reason I can to keep holding on. At some point, it needs to be for me. I’m 53 and started self injuring at the age of 7. Too fucking long to feel this way.
lady bug,you dont think about it at all,just drive on,from experience,it can and it will be gone just like that,halloween i will be 2 years old and no matter how bad you convinced yourself it is the worst. when it back every thing even your very worst day is a refreshing feeling,nothing can stand in your way ,every waking moment means a reaction for a action a complete new world.
rock freaking bottom is a lonely place ,so do this for me when you wake up in the morning,give thanks for another beautiful day,it dont get better ,you make it what it is and postive drive brings postive results.
you just get caught up in the rat race and fall in the maze of it, wake it dont get any better,all bad you made ,so fix it ,much love little girl dont ever think nobody loves you,i wouldnt care or even respond to your comment if i didnt,id miss you,hadnt been around much ,but i do come around hahah your always here when i do
so happy happy happy and dont even care what others think or do,thats the maze
if you think along the line of every action /// brings a reaction
that ,that ales you what was the action that caused it,with logical thinking you forget nonsense and evolve in your inner feelings,reguardless they always find a shine that makes you laugh lol
anyway hope i cheered you up a smidgen life is to precious to waste on negative downer stuff at the blink of a eye it can be gone
 
Ems49

Ems49

Mtnstate
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Glad this was resurrected. I’m pretty open as is, but I’ve been doing a lot of further retreating from sharing my emotional state because, well, I am feeling so much like a burden to those in my life who love me. I lost a very good friend in September and that’s been fucking with my head a lot. Physically, things suck but hoping once my foot fusion heals, at least one source of pain will have been significantly reduced. Until that time, everything is just going through the motions. I’m glad I have my animals because it would be days before anyone would even realize I was gone, and I can’t do that to them. My daughter, she would be devastated but maybe she’d have less anxiety about my health. I can’t do that to her either. Finding whatever reason I can to keep holding on. At some point, it needs to be for me. I’m 53 and started self injuring at the age of 7. Too fucking long to feel this way.
I cut too. Life is hard yes..I tried suicide at 13. I'm 52 now and so glad to be alive. I've had my struggles with chemicals but I'm still alive. Honest I'm normally a very private person and always felt different. I can navigate the outside world but prefer my bubble. Thanks for resurrection of the thread..sometimes I just need to know I'm not alone..and grow excellent weed lol.
 
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ComfortablyNumb

ComfortablyNumb

6,099
313
Glad this was resurrected. I’m pretty open as is, but I’ve been doing a lot of further retreating from sharing my emotional state because, well, I am feeling so much like a burden to those in my life who love me. I lost a very good friend in September and that’s been fucking with my head a lot. Physically, things suck but hoping once my foot fusion heals, at least one source of pain will have been significantly reduced. Until that time, everything is just going through the motions. I’m glad I have my animals because it would be days before anyone would even realize I was gone, and I can’t do that to them. My daughter, she would be devastated but maybe she’d have less anxiety about my health. I can’t do that to her either. Finding whatever reason I can to keep holding on. At some point, it needs to be for me. I’m 53 and started self injuring at the age of 7. Too fucking long to feel this way.
Depression kills. We have to teach ourselves not to think that way. Simple, but not easy. Keep swinging girl, sooner or later you're gonna pop depression in the eye and it will leave you alone. Keep on smiling.
 
amekins

amekins

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I appreciate the love. I don’t cut anymore and haven’t in well over 25 years. But my daughter does and has for a few years. I only learned of it February 2020 when she was suicidal and briefly hospitalized her second year of college. I seldom drink (for a lot of excellent reasons) and I only use narcotics during post-op periods. Right now, I’m struggling with the physical but also trying to have grace with myself for needing any narcotic pain meds a week post op. I wish I felt like this was easy to push aside and be grateful I’m not dead. But I don’t. The physical and mental combined with financial constraints has had me reaching out specifically to my medical team to step it up. My gumption to push others to do their best to at least listen and interpret the clinical data before them is just about gone. Shit, tomorrow I’m going to try and get enough motivation to shower. Thankfully I’ve only lost my balance once and caught myself from falling before putting down a freshly fused midfoot on the ground. Chronic pain has kept me from engaging in life passionately as I once did. I can’t work. I never physically feel good. My peer group aren’t retired or disabled, services are hard to come by, and I’ve always been a fiercely independent person. Asking for help is hard. Being vulnerable is hard. But if I don’t keep trying to meet some of these needs by asking for help, I’ve lost the battle. For now, this is enough. I’m also trying to have grace with myself about being needy.
 
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