trippinballz
- 213
- 93
your avatar sent this screaming into my head, kolah....
I know I have to deal with the triggerI'll admit...I loved the high. I'd save all my pills and eat em all at once...in the afternoon.... and catch a good buzz/sleep well all night.... I'll admit I miss em as well.
5 years "in training" as I call it....and 5 years with the Pusher.....'er Pain Management doc. (he was more of a PuppetMaster, know what i'm sayin'?) I felt like Topio Gigio.....
40 mg of Oxy was all it took a day to get that "screamin addict" feel. After a couple of years a freind in Canada was also mailing me big bottles of T-3's. those suck.....but if you take enough of em they will work. I took alot of em.
I finally got tired of it all.....and could tell that MY HEAD was generating pain so i'd take more dope. I was so high I really couldn't feel my TRUE pain.... just the "you know you need another pill, captian....right?" kinda pain....
I tried to get my doc behind MMJ and help me wean.....but he...like other docs...HAD TO HAVE CONTROL. Weed wasn't in his control....so when i told him he flipped out...told me "you'll get impaired if you smoke that stuff".....and then "I can't write you scripts to Schedule 2 narcotics if you are using a Schedule 1 drug"......
So he cut me off.....and he called every pain doc in the valley and told em I might be coming in. I found this out because I have a friend who works at another clinic....
So I counted em out.....took one less each day..... and when i felt the sick coming on... I dumped the rest down the toilet and held on for dear life....
3 days of Hell.....then......the SUN CAME OUT. It didn't take me years to find the good feeling...it came almost instantly for me.... talk about a high.
Pain? don't be scared man. Accept it. I think you will find...as I did...that my "pain" changed almost instantly.... yeah...still hurt....but FAR LESS.... and when it did.....I felt it and didn't fuck myself up FURTHER by being so narc'd out I'd feel like Superman and do stupid stuff/lift stuff i shouldn't have.
Kicking the narcs allowed me to become FAR more active. I have learned that staying active is key for ME. The pills couchlocked me down....and I think my muscles were atrophying out on me.
Like I say..I miss the fuckers.... but now I know better...and have simply added em to the list of substances that don't do well in my system...along with alcohol, valiums, seconals, and cocaine.
Now i'm just a weed addict. LOL.
Good luck. You can do it. Folks here will catch you as well as they can....but this is one of those times when we must LOOK INSIDE to find the strength to beat the demon.
I still have pain....it just isn't inside those pills.
That coupled with jail culture has left people dead in there cellAlso a couple years ago I went into the po station. Talk about hell. Kept me in withdrawal the whole time every time I would get a pill it was 2 hours late. I would never catch up. Hell
They knew it and were basically just pre punishment. The attitude like your some tough guy.
The biggest thing is 95% of the dr's, nurses or health care have no idea about long trm or permanent pain and Drug depandacy. Those bitch nurses and Dr's treated me like a drug addict and those are the people we're supposed to go to for help.
Very sad
Also a couple years ago I went into the po station. Talk about hell. Kept me in withdrawal the whole time every time I would get a pill it was 2 hours late. I would never catch up. Hell
They knew it and were basically just pre punishment. The attitude like your some tough guy.
The biggest thing is 95% of the dr's, nurses or health care have no idea about long trm or permanent pain and Drug depandacy. Those bitch nurses and Dr's treated me like a drug addict and those are the people we're supposed to go to for help.
Very sad
Yep..... i did the methadone route. Great way to go if you wanna stay high but can't find dope. So after realizing I didnt want to be dependent I went benzos and weed. Slowly cut back benzos and started feeling tired but enlightened a little more. I started noticing the sun was bright and leaves were green. Holy shit..... the sky is blue....hey man! I feel ur pain. Im a long time opiate addict. Its the most difficult sitation ive ever been in.. It all started with oxycontin at a young age and progressed into a full blown H-addict.. Im not going to get into bunch of war stories.. After many rehabs and countless withdraws later.. I still struggle with it today.. Ive tried methadone, suboxin and cold turkey.. I feel with methadone ur just replacing one poison for the other.. Methadone can be just as hard if not harder to kick.. Suboxin isn't much better imo. it isn't as hard to kick as methadone but it aint easy.. both u have to take daily and u get withdraw symptoms from both.
My advice would be make ur mind up and stick to ur guns. Its not just physical addiction the mental aspect is going to play some major mind games with ur will to quit.. If u can kick a opiate habit u can do just about anything u put ur mind to.. I hope this made cense. Smoking and edibles seem to be the only thing to help.. I hope this helps and wish u the best
of course they don't want us to find a decent solution to withdrawls (iboga) cause they don't have it in there clinics! One thing I really hated whilest popping my pills was how badly I would be constipated! Shitting rocks was def not something I miss!:cool::cool::cool:
Day three getting worse hope this passes