You nailed in right on the head amekins, I'm impressed. I don't think most people, let alone most American women understand much of what you stated in that sentence.
Being utterly alone vs belonging. Time wasted vs time being productive, or pursuit of something worthwhile in this world, not just for the sake of materialism, but for actual contentment, (I don't call it joy anymore) and making the world a better place than what was handed to you. That takes real dedication my friend, morals, and holding to truths learned with blood, sweat and lots of tears. At the end of the day, all we have are relationships, either real, or imaginary. Bonds that tie, or ones that become our undoing... Building others up, or tearing them down, for our own purpose. It's a choice we make in life.... Or we let those choices be made for us. Dictated to us, by the motives of others who have zero stake in the matter, besides power and utter domination, exploitation.
I think your heading in the right direction, both on the ground (in the real world) plus the one you hope to build on the inside.