MGRox
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Welcome to the Farm @Mr.X Thanks for the kind words man.Hey, im relatively new in the comunity but i find all your posts very interesting and informative. Thats how i ran into this because i always take a look @ yer threads. Im sending all my best wishes 2u man and positive vibrations. I hope that you and your family overcome this adversity and emerge both stronger and closer from this experience.
@MGRox thank you for Your perspective on this. I appreciate you taking the time. I can relate to what you say about the perspective, when I sobered/cleaned up 20 some years ago the toughest part staying sober was wrapping my head around life without alcohol and drugs. Just could not picture having fun without them. Decades later I see now that it was just because I had never done anything without chemical aid. But I have come to learn that life without the booze and hard dope is immensely more enjoyable. And in the process I am more inline with the spiritual nature within me and don't need a bunch of garbage to feel filled. I learned how not to be so selfish and found more joy in giving than receiving. A concept I surely would have scoffed at 20 years ago. Thanks again for stopping in. Peace@jumpincactus
I know I'm a bit late here and definitely ill equipped for emotional stuff, but I want to pop in and wish you and your daughter well!
It's good to see you stand behind her and be there to help; I imagine that can be a hard position to be in and I feel for you there. You have the right perspective in knowing that it's ultimately up to her to change and that is also good.
My mother / step father were determined to force a change on me with my "addiction" to marijuana. Suffice it to say I've not spoken to them in 18 years now. (though I intend to meet with my mom at some point to let her know I don't hold things against her and I know she was doing what she thought best).
Perception / perspective = reality. The largest thing is for her to, be able to, change her perspective to a reality that does not have drugs at the top of the list.
Go to a party with a bunch of people and everyone of them will walk out with a different perspective on what the party was like (reality) and they are all correct. Take everyone in a state, country or the world; we all have different perspectives on reality and, to each of us; that perspective / reality is correct. Now there are many cases where multiple perspectives (realities) will have things in common and these could be, in general, agreed upon as a "truth"; however there are many things in life that belong to our own perspective / reality and they are our "choice" for how we absorb them. I.E. back to the first party analogy, if everyone has a good time there, but one person doesn't; that was, in part, his /her own "choice" in perceiving that reality.
With your daughter things are similar too, as humans we do not act irrationally or illogically to our own perspective on reality. The reality for her atm, is that these drugs are the most important and that without these; life would not be enjoyable or easy to deal with. This however, is in part, her choosing; but is totally valid from her perspective. Change will come when she can perceive a higher value in other things and be reinforced with the knowledge that she CAN deal with life and have enjoyment without drugs.
Good wishes being sent your way!
Bit of an update. I talked to Alicia today and she has decided not to go to inpatient. Ran some random BS on me. She has a whoppin few days clean and is talking about how great she feels yada yada yada. Riding a pink cloud and convinced she can do it on her own. I see so much of me in her. When I first got clean I didn't have a humble bone in my body and was convinced I go ride solo, it damn near killed me.
Ive been around long enough to know she truly isnt ready yet. I warned her that with each relapse it gets harder to find your way home. She gave me that "yea I know Dad it will be ok". I used to tell peeps that shit too and was really feeling like the little kid whistling past the grave yard in the dark.
I thought that way 24 years ago and my shit almost buried me. I was really hopeful she was done this time but today wasn't very encouraging. I offered to take her to a NA meeting tonight and she wanted to hike with one of her junkie buddies instead. That doesn't sound like an addict that's done to me. Powerless over people,places & things!!!!
All is I can say at this point is, "but for the grace of God, there go I" ........... Much love Peace
Sorry about all this. Looks like you have been down the road as well.
No one can beat this alone. Chances are 100% she will use again if she's out hanging around so called friends who use.
Tough love?
Give her the choice either accept rehab or have nothing to do with her is what some believe is the only way.
Really is a hard decision. What if you do give her the choice and she uses and you loose her. If she continues on with or without the choice she and you and the child will surely be miserable either way.
best is not to enable her to manipulate to get her way as her way has gotten her into this mess in the 1st place. Us addicts are masters of manipulating, even fooling ourselves, which she is doing right now.
She don't even know what she is up against the addiction is so powerful, cunning baffling and patient.
She has to decide what more important. Your love, her child, her life.
She would have so much to look forward to if she got sober.
She has to make the decision before its too late what really matters in her life.
Right now is the time. The choice worked for me.
I either quit my drinking, my health was suffering, but worse would have been the loss of the person who saw the goodness in me, the person who loved me despite my addiction.
That person is my wife who told me from the bottom of her heart she loved me so much she would have to let me go as she cannot and will not see me destroy myself as well as herself.
Have you tried an intervention? Gather up non using friends and family and explain we love you so very much and you are such a wonderful gift and you have so much to offer but we cannot and will not allow this to go on.
explain it's now or never. Like they say in AA, Na, 1/2 measures get us nowhere.
Do or die. Tough love, is really just that really tough.
I really care and hate to see you and her or anyone else for that matter suffer as I know what suffering is all about.
The other side of darkness is pure light. Putting the past behind and living happy and free with no guilt or shame. Being happy and free sure beats the sickness of addiction.
This rant also helps me keep on track and gives me courage to carry on. I only have the courage, I am not stronger than the addiction, it wins every time.
But I also must remember I surrendered to the fact that the 1st sip I will loose everything I have achieved and all my happiness wil turn to deep sorrow and I have no more recoveries left.
sweet surrender...Courage, strength, wisdom, one never can get enough...
Keep you own head on, do your best..
Maybe also seek help thru alanon or other avenues of support and advice for those who are in your shoes...
This has been a message of inspiration from your friends at thc farmer community
Well saidYOU all took care of me here when I couldn't take care of Myself
Now I try to give back every DAY
@jumpincactus "This to Shall Pass" Kinda Hard as F&^% when its your Kid..
We all try to share here. We talk and be here in a place that ties us, the love for the Plant and in most part Compassion.
My sponsor would say each of us have a story that has yet to find its end, for some we find that Moment of Clarity and
crawl from that Big ass hole we dig for our-self.
Thats the Nightmare, our-self, For this addict (Me) I was able to find my Bottom
the day my Son died from a drug Overdose,
and with A lot of support and help from The Farm (Group Therapy) (Cultivation therapy) and whole lot of 90/90
there I go and live today for today.
But I now know I could not have Changed what My Boy did.
I cant change People Places and Things All I can do, is share my Experience strength and Hope with you and say Do what you can Do, help with the part you can help with, Know you are there for her, But let that be your Part....
To say you have done all you can do, and for this addict that's what has helped me.
and the rest IS up to her and her Choice in her disease.
Stay Strong and be the example of doing the next right thing Bro.
Sending all the FlyinJ Vibes I have
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